Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Dear WWK, I went to see First Aid Kit performing at the Royal Albert Hall yesterday. When they sang My Silver Lining I couldn't help thinking of you.
KOKOKA with all my respect and admiration.

Ah. ShouldHave that's so kind of you to say. I hope you had a lovely evening.

I'm doing okay all things considered.

Obviously I'm "Tick-tocking" away again and constantly cross-examining myself with "Am I going mad?" "Am I sure I'm not going mad?" "Nope, I'm definitely not going mad, am I?".

I shall be playing that song in the coming days at full blast as tonic to my insanity. I may at some point resort to gin.

Whilst at the same time KOKO and delegating to the SHL to do the KA!

Dear VSTBXH,

Hope you're doing shit. I am having the most surreal day and even I don't believe me!

I have an email confirming that Crime Committed Man was found guilty. Hard core evidence that I am the victim.

I have a letter from a High Court Enforcement Agency - attached with a lovely cheque with which I can spend paying my SHL.

Talking of whom, I have received some hilarious correspondence between your shs and my SHL and thought you should be in the joke.

Your solicitor writes that the Form Es we have are all the same. She apologies for the late submission, and she apologises for the lack of a signature. She confirms the one she supplied to court is the same as the two we have.

How nice.

You can look at them too - when we submit them to the judge. I will remain stoney cold and unemotional throughout.

Laughing my fucking pretty little head off right now though.

In other news, you have attached your questionnaire. You know when you had control of my bank account, you had the passwords too. I don't know what you spent all that money on either.

I note you are still demanding a weekly update on the activity of my bank account.

I note that you are demanding copies of my bank account for the period of March to end of July. You know when we took you to court (remember that? I do - fondly) we supplied you with that information then. It's not my fault you're fucking useless.

And so is your shs.

Wife, slightly insane.

Oh that's great wwk! I hope that chapter's over for you now and it was a substantial cheque!

So six weeks today then? Fantastic news, your humour is inspirational and makes divorce look at worst bearable, at best something everyone should do haha!

Happy Friday!

Well done wwk. I thought of you today and your stbxh when I heard your koko on the radio. I turned it up a bit and smiled :).

One down, one to go.

KOKO

My STBXH is also making suggestions as to what firm of solicitors he would prefer me to use. The firm of solicitors that his family use. The same firm he shall use to divorce me.

How stupid do these dickheads men think we are?

Hope you're doing shit.

Thanks all! I'm KOKOing although a bit of a weird day today!

Rubbish. Clearly he's a dimwit: If you complied with his wishes, that firm will have serious 'compliance' issues and could lose their licence to solicit! You absolutely must redistribute the wealth of his chosen solicitors - by choosing one for yourself!

Annie - we hope it's one down, one to go...not one down, three more to go. But that's up to the unfashionably named one. Which has reminded me:

Dear VSTBXH,

You have enquired as to why I don't have a job.

You sacked me.

I'm just waiting for my 'unfair dismissal' money to come through and I shall go out and make myself gainfully employed.

Until you pay, I rely on your benefits payments.

That does not make you 'the government'. You ceased to be the boss when you sacked me.

Nobody round these parts would vote for you anyway.

Wife.

WWK, he really is a prize fool isn't he? And you know what they say about a fool and his money!

Good work , www.

£300 an hour. Do stay focused. I think mine was £180 in 2006.

Answer every letter you get promptly. Some days I couldn't face them and then I got another.

You have to be prepared to go into this Boudicea or Attila the Hen lol.

Never in life you will need your financial head on as much as when the man you loved divorces you.

Lawyers ate the only winners.

At your stage you should be 50/50 surely?

I propose that his shs is henceforth known as just his ss.

I went out of town for my solicitor.

I bet that shook him up a bit.

No one employs the Rottweiler for nothing.

Whatever you buy in life will never have as much impact on your life as buying in the best solicitor.

I got about 80:20 in hard cash.

If you include his pension then possibly 70:30

at Attila the Hen!

Have been following from the beginning and am just popping in to say I hope you've had a good weekend

Oh and I love this format, I've borrowed it for my own journal of divorcing. Hope you don't mind!

KOKO

Update WWK? I hope you are ok and having a good weekend

Dear VSTBXH,

I thought I write to let you know I'm having a rip-roaring fantasy about you, and I could not refrain from sharing my passion with you.

And it's based on a true story, and one that you should be oh so familiar with and because you have given me some fond memories in recent times.

And it goes like this:

Do you remember when SHL sent you the bill for the last court hearing and I tempestuously requested, nay, begged that you remove your tokens of manliness from my home. The emails arrived, quite coincidentally, the same day.

You wrote to say you felt harassed and as, such, if this ever happens again, you will take out a Non-Molestation Order.

And do you remember, just like last time, when I said your Belongings Fuck Off Now Dear, you started cc'ing my SHL in to every email with your inner-most thoughts and acts of manliness.

And she wrote the most polite ODFOD email.

And do you remember when you started moaning your displeasure at my blatant ignoring of you.

She wrote you the most polite ODFOD yet again.

Now, you have realised that I'm not answering your emails, I note you have decided to take it upon yourself to cc me into your problems with others.

So, I'm wildly fantasizing about sending you my own ODFOD email should my SHL be compelled to send you a bill following this court hearing, given your latest shenanigans.

Naturally, they will arrive on the same day.

Quietly biding her time and praying that I get awarded some costs...

Wife, fucking off to bed now.

Why on earth is he ccing you in on his 'problems with others'?? Isn't that giving you more ammunition? Or does he think you'll feel sorry for him?

Surely your shl will be charging for her time in reading these emails-of-manliness?

How Very Soon will he be the Ex??

That is the question Captain

Yes, I am charged for all his cc'ing to my SHL, hence the ODFOD.

And now he's starting cc'ing me, I think, because when he fucked off without notice and left me to sort everything out, and in a helluva mess, both financially and emotionally, he also decreed that I was responsible for sorting out the helluva mess that he left us in (collapsing the business, selling off the assets etc) in order that his brand new life could be unhassled, unharrassed and unencumbered.

Now of course, very generously, he needs to micro-manage me ensuring the proceeds from the sales go into the correct bank account (not mine, obvs) and gets very regularly and spectacularly upset that he is not given a weekly report of my bank account to ensure I am not embezzling the money in nefarious ways.

Because, apparently being an VSTBXW, means I have become a master criminal!

However, should some of the paperwork issues need to be dealt with, it's my fault when he fails to deal with it. Even if he was dealing with it before he fucked off. So he cc's me to warn me that blame is incoming...or to attempt to co-erce me to get involved.

You see, the CEO of Master of the Universe PLC decided to demote me from 'wife' to 'office junior', he decided like all office juniors in Master of the Universe PLC, all the shit errands fall to me.

I'm suing for constructive dismissal!

He will be ExH is six weeks and three days. The finances may take a bit more time to sort out though...

Is it possible that all this cc'ing to your shl is less idiocy and more hoping that you run out of funds to on his part? If he's aware that you are charged 'per mail' as it were, maybe what he's trying to do is run up your legal fees until you can no longer afford the shl.

I think that's the plan, Across to financially starve me into submission.

It's sort of working because I have now lost 2 dress sizes since he left, so that's what around 2.5 stone of blubber that has been re-energised!

Still hanging on to the SHL though! Who has made me laugh by writing:

"...Bang … head … on wall!!!"

I shall try to make the story funny at some point. Although it is quite funny, actually in itself.

You could circumvent his little plan by getting your SHL to divert all emails from him to spam, and only sending her the ones you want her to do something about. (That's a bit too obvious for you not to have thought of it, though.)

Reckon he may also be trying to make you appear jointly liable for the business problems; so, for example, the creditors have someone else to chase when he ducks out of the country.

hello! strangely your thread disappeared off my list a while back and i couldn't find it again and thought you'd deleted it then i saw it pop up in active today and was pleased to come and catch up with how you're doing.

i see his tomdickery still abounds. if there's any justice in the world he'll end up being done for fraud. i would say sorry about the other woman but at this point hell it's probably best to know the full extent of his uselessness and lies - hopefully it helped kill any last feelings of sympathy or concern.

his supreme sense of entitlement should be worth writing a paper about - such an extreme example.

Keep going, you are doing incredibly well!