Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Wellwhoknew it you are having the revelation moment, when a divorce solicitor tells you what a prat he is and you realise that it's not in your head he is a prat.
I had one last week as my solicitor described Ex as ludicrous. Keep the e-mails he will dig his hole deeper believe you me mine did I suspect he is going to pop out own under shortly.

So sorry you are going through this. Don't get ino drawn out conversations with the in- laws. Tell them to contact him directly, repeat ad nauseum, if they don't know where he is either then obviously he'll be in touch with them very soon. They should just sit tight and leave you alone wait.

And YY, if he forged your signature get our solicitor to deal with that, I'm sure she would be happy to.

Hope you are ok.

Having a sad day today .

I fucking hate him.

Keep strong. What a fucker.

Yes the sadness comes. Allow yourself a decent cry. You are doing brilliantly.

Im so sorry you're going through this, he sounds like an arse. I looked for something to give you a bit of strength and found this, hope you find something in it to lift you up a bit.

( it's not the first bit, you need to scroll down)

quotes-motivational.com/Motivational/Divorce-Quotes.html

"It's only in divorce you see the value of the person that you married. Both financially and morally. "

What a great quote. And so true.

My now exH is bankrupt morally but sadly doing OK financially.

My advice - prepare for a long fight. He had already forged signature. So you need to look after yourself. Do you have full details of his financials - copy everything you can. It may not be admissible but at least you will know if he is lying.

OP I think you're awesome! You're the kind of strong woman i want to be when I grow up. You are handling this wonderfully. He sounds like nasty piece of work and you will have the last laugh on this. Definitely follow up the forgery, keep all the paperwork and most of all stay strong and be kind to yourself. [we need a chocolate emotion!]

Hate away. Make sure you hate enough to take his forging your signature as far as you can, please. Police if at all possible - please take your SHL's advice here and ROAST him if you can.

He's a FW. I love your letters though I might steal that technique for my own STBXH. It's so true that you see exactly what they are like when they are divorcing you.
it's shit but at least he's helping to remind you what he is really like.

Dear STBXH,

As you don't know, I'm still here. I'm still going about my days, doing my shit.

Thank you for reminding me that I'm on your car insurance driving your car. In the madness of my situation, I had never forgotten it was your car, and you were paying my insurance. But hey, perhaps you are implying something.

Ironic, because I will now buy my own car and get my own insurance - and all that gets added into my claim against you, as well as your car to the 'family kitty'. Quite the quagmire isn't it, this divorcing business.

Well it isn't for my SHL, it's a just a process. And that process requires me to get my house in order. That'll be MY house, that you will perceive that YOU paid for. Since you have now abandoned your divorce petition and chosen instead to represent yourself, I can only assume you're very au fait with it all. I never knew you as a being legal minded but hey ho, fair play: you are full of surprises in the merry month of May.

Emotionally - well I just deal with my life hour by hour. Now that people know, it's open season on whether there's an OW or whether you are having a breakdown. Or just that I'm no longer lovable and it's just that simple. Given that you must now how financially crippling divorce is (I'm just realising, but y'know you've been through this before), divorce is actually very far from fucking simple. In fact, I've met quite a lot of people who choose to take separate lives rather than divorce. So I wonder each and every scenario.

You say there's no OW, and you cite the fact your dick isn't working as your defence.

If your dick's ability was the raison d'etre for our marriage, then how come when I had my emergency hysterectomy, and we couldn't, you know, get jiggy with it for a while. Why didn't you leave then? Did I stop being a woman then? That happened years ago. So why now 'your dick isn't working' a good enough reason to stop you being a husband now? Perhaps, your dick works just fine now, but y'know, you don't want to 'cheat'.

I am now divorcing you for irretrievable breakdown. If I've understood the process correctly - I have to cite six reasons to demonstrate this.

So do I put down 'his dick is broken' as reason number 1? or 2?, 3?, or is insignificant enough to be numbered 4, 5, or 6? Yes, your honour my marriage is broken because his dick is malfunctioning....

Perhaps your dick is just fine, and when time takes its toll, just before we get to absolute, you suddenly feel the urge to contest divorce.

Because, your honour, my dick just migrated from the nether regions to the top of his head.

Regards,

Your sexless wife.

Glorious. Keep them coming, then get yourself a publishing agent!!

Amazing. Strong lady!

You seriously need to get these 'letters' together and go and see a publisher. They would make an amazing book!

Stay strong.

Dear NSTBXH,

I haven't heard from you this week. Mind you, my solicitor hasn't contacted you this week either. Blame the communication break down on her because we all know, you are faultless.

Of course, now that everyone knows, everyone is talking. People are really being great, I have never been so busy. Perhaps, you'd prefer to call it self-indulgent: I have become a lady who lunches, and dinners, and (go me!) does afternoon tea!

In fact sometimes it's hard to take time out to cry the bitter tears that are ever threatening. Mind you, I've certainly snotted over a few shoulders lately but yet, they invite me out again. Kind of makes me wonder, whether I'm truly that bad after all.

I wonder if it's the same for you? I mean have you actually told anyone yet? Is this actually affecting you at all? Do you cry about the demise of our marriage? Do you actually care at all?

Perhaps you've been kidnapped by aliens and are now, in fact, an automaton? An American network (or Channel 5 if you must) would be keen to hear from you.

But the upswing of no longer having 'our future' is that nothing stops me going about my present. I am retraining as a food critic it seems. Perhaps the next time you see me, I'll be taking Michel Roux's vacated position on Masterchef.

I'll admit I keep expecting you to walk though the door. I am missing you, and I am struggling to believe that you've done what you've done.

I'd love you to walk though the door and say: 'hey, you've lost weight!

And I'd quote someone on MN and say: Yes, twelve stones of twat.

Ever bewildered,

Your overconsuming wife.

Wow so he is actually representing himself? This should be fun! Between the humour its horrible that you are so heartbroken but I know you will emerge the 'winner' in all of this. I don't mean from a settlement but mentally. You have indeed lost 12 stone of twat. Keep the tears coming. They will run out gradually.

I feel a little guilty that I'm getting hooked on your emotions OP, but your writing is truly, truly good. I'm glad you find it cathartic, or as you say, kryptonite.

Sending you lots more kryptonite. Keep going, moving forwards, you are doing well.

Seriously, how does one flag up a thread for the attention of the Guardian? You write really well OP, and should definitely have a column in the Family section. So sorry that you're getting this 'opportunity' to share your skills because your NSTBXH is such an idiot

I love the power that shines through in your words love. I hate the pain that drives them.

I wish you only success and happiness, cos you deserve them both in bucketloads.

Dear NSTBXH,

Why do I cry so much? I mean your walking out of the marriage means I lose my home and my working life. I lose my present but I also lose my future because everything was so entwined. I watch endless TV even though I don't really watch it. Who needs drama when your life has become a bad soap opera.

You, on the other hand, own the decision to rip our world apart. You must feel quite the victor to have dealt the final blow. The winner of a game I didn't even know I had entered.

I'm sure there will be more down days to come as I start to pack up the remnants of our marriage. Rest assured: any tears for you, will be fewer in number until they dry up completely and you become just a banality like the TV that I watch day after day, until the times comes that I can move on with my life.

Now I've understood the rules of the game, I won't play.

You see, you orchestrated all this; and your leaving means the opera is over. Never again, will I have to listen to your high pitched volley of noise. Never again, will I dance around the house trying to avoid your bad temperedness. Never again, will I have to be a part of your melodrama.

So already, I have a new way of looking at the world. It's a bit more of a fact-based documentary. It's now for the solicitor to sort out my future. Your aren't my entertainment anymore.

Your increasingly independent television-bored housewife.

You must have really hated him well.

Maybe you didn't know it. But you did.

And no doubt with good reason.

I expect he knows you on here and you are giving him oxygen.

He might just be loving it?

Dear NSTBXH,

I'm doing okay. It kind of helps to be chatted up and not have to shut them down with the 'I'm happily married' shite.

So now the delay to both of us having legitimate sex is down to you.

I note your terms and conditions are that I send you receipts for full expenditure of my life for the next two years in return for your paltry alimony.

You've decided to change your mind on the split of my assets - to make it slightly less in your favour.

If I agree, can I have rampant sex with a stranger?

Only, erm, what happens should I conclude I don't need to go out and ruthlessly shag the first person with a (working) penis? Must I turn down your still very favourable (to you) terms and conditions?

Kind of kills my libido that.

Over to you...

Your still quite sexy, but slightly aging wife, who doesn't need to jump into bed right now with anyone.

Love love love you for this Well, this is IT! All you have said, this is IT!. Before you copyright it I am going to copy and post to my STBXH (first time I've typed STBXH - feels kind of liberating!) in my own time. You are a star! Thank you!

No copyright pursued here...but

If it makes your Not Significant Twat But eXcuse me in the Himterim....do a little pee, then I am quite happy to supply a pint of of piss...