Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

oh Larf! I must do those soon to be ex pelvics!

Brilliant I agree since admitting our marriage breakdown I have never had so many invitations and am having to turn some down. I also have stbxh who thinks everything is his. I am so looking forward to the cocky arrogant git realising it isn't. Keep posting keep going look forward the future is ours for the having

Yay! For us!

Head high, well. You are doing brilliantly. His loss and your gain (being cut loose from your stbxh millstone). Have Lots of vino and disgustingly fattening foodstuffs.

Dear Man I Don't Know,

This is my week of questions.

Yes, legally you are still my husband, but fuck me, how the hell did I end up married to you?

You are not the man I married. The respect I had for you, the love, the loyalty, the fascination (and you know, the ahem) no longer exists. We all wonder why.

I went out with friends last night, who are ever inquisitive, as to WHY THE FUCK YOU HAVE DONE WHAT YOU'VE DONE? As in, okay, falling out of love is one thing...but WTF? And since you're not here, my most bewildered self has to just say: All scenarios are possible - but...as they analyse and analyse, I realise that actually, I know what you've done. I don't tell them, of course, because I didn't realise it with them. I realised it because of you.

I now know, I finally have a little bit of self-respect. I am not just an confused, abandoned wife. I am an abandoned wife, yes, but no longer confused.

And the most hilarious part: it makes not one jot of difference to the divorce settlement. You still can't dictate them terms. And I can't blackmail you either. But hey, at least now, I can't start to built my future. No longer is ambiguity the order of the day.

But you don't know that. You keep sending them streams of consciousness, because now I know, I know.

Go live with yourself. Because, quite frankly them hills - I'm running to.

Yours,

Wife, who knows.

Dear DH,

Correction: I CAN start to build my future. No longer is ambiguity the order of the day.

Because I never failed....

A woman who CAN succeed, despite her marriage failing.

Bravo! Another vote for publication! Perhaps stop gifting the copyright to Mumsnet... [conflicted as I am loving this thread!]

OP I am in a very similar place: marriage-has-gone-down-the-loo.

How are you op?

Dear NSTBXH,

For all my years with you, I always knew the most heartbreaking, most dreadful, most feared thing I could experience as an adult, would be losing you.

It is now one month since you pissed our marriage up the wall.

And that got me thinking.

In you, I believed I had a life partner that I would ultimately share incontinence with, and not just because we could 'laugh until we wet ourselves'..., but because one of us sneezed, hiccough or wobbled as we walked.

We met as lively young people. Stereotypical age, size and height. We divorce as middle-aged people. I really believed (aside from the grace of God; buses; our smoking; our innate ability to do stupid things and rampant cows) we would grow old together.

It is one month since you shat on me from a great height. I am one month into this process of trying to cope. My daily exercise consists of attempting to put one size five in front of the other to get through each day. Metaphorically speaking, of course: you know I am a size five, you have not demanded divorce because my feet have grown to size 12. Mind you, in the context of your current behaviour: That would appear to be a very legitimate reason for leaving me.

All the better to bruise your nether regions with.

Disclaimer: I have only once kneed you there, and in my defence (your honour) I was sound asleep. And it was over ten years ago.

So here's the ultimate paradox:

The worst thing that could happen to me, has happened to me and I'm one month into the process of dealing with it. You are only one month into the reality of it.

Because right now, all I can do is try to get through each day. As each day passes, I learn better how to cope. As each month passes, you are going to learn that the law dictates you, my rights are indisputable and the ultimate pisser: when it comes to settling, it's gonna really hurt.

You see, your decision to divorce relieves you, and devastates me. The act of divorce, relieves me and devastates you.

My SHL is writing this week.

As I learn to cope...

Your accidentally hurtful wife.

OP, you are scathingly brilliant. I agree with others that you should write a book. Maybe a 'reverse Bridget Jones' in letter format.

I'm so glad you've found an emotional outlet in your 'letters'.

I agree with the above poster, it is an emotional outlet for you. Keep writing as you feel, any support you need and obviously posters will try to help with advice. Keep going it will become easier, you deserve to be with someone who loves you very much anot the pillock of your STBXH. One day at a time, it WILL get better.

Dear OP

You are a superb writer. I am voting that this thread is moved to classics.

Somewhat envious,
Duck

You are a superb writer, I'm just sad that it took STBXH being a horrible twat for us to discover it!

What's so amazing, OP, is that these 'letters to an arsehole' ring so true to so many of us! I know you are voicing my exact emotions and my divorce was 40 years ago!

Dear NSTBXH,

Have I upset you in some way?

I'm only asking because I thought I read that you and my solicitor had agreed that I would divorce you for unreasonable behaviour.

After all, and I accept I may be biased, but abandoning a spouse with no income, and bills galore, is a tad irresponsible, I'd have thought.

So I was little surprised to have received your divorce petition today. I am, apparently, quite an unagreeable little woman it appears. I know that's not me though: I spell my name differently. It's not a quirky thing: despite my parents choosing it, it really is just the standard way of spelling my name. I'm also two years younger than you think I am so slightly less of an old harridan.

Who the fuck are you?

A liar. A fraudster. A cheat. Oh, no, not the last one. You are quite angry that I enquired about your faithfulness. So angry in fact, you have listed it as an unreasonable act.

But also, now that you are the petitioner and I the respondent, your last communication to my solicitor is making you look quite the cunt.

So, this little woman will meekly go about her mildness.

And leave my solicitor to roar.

Yours,

Your very silent wife.

He spelled your name wrong and doesn't know your date of birth. ...unbelievable

Yup. And all my acts of unreasonableness happened over two years ago according to his petition, even though they refer to events that happened this year.

I think he's on glue...

Mine was on glue too, so I counter-sued on grounds of infidelity. Now that was funny to see his reaction everytime someone asked in court if this counter-petition was correct. (It is unusual to do but I felt the twatishness deserved it :) )

I love you OP

Can I just have a woe is me moment?

In between my posts of furiousness, when I'm a snotty mess, and just plain bloody angry, and crap. It really does suck to be me right now.

I wish murder was legal. Fucking cunty cunty cunt.

And now back to: I am a strong woman me....

You are VERY VERY strong. One day, ... one day, when all this is over, you will be a very wealthy wellwhoknew when your book is published. In the meantime, revel in the fact that you are strong, stop buying hankies and wipe lots of huge green snot all over his shirts. Then put them in a bag and leave where you see fit. You are clever and strong and I for one admire you immensely.

I'm sure someone on mn knows someone who knows someone who can...ahem...arrange for your STBXH to swim wiv da fishes

Speaking to a male friend- and he's a good guy! He told me that during his divorce, he was in constant fear of being fleeced in both terms and money. I'm sure it is the same for your ex!!

Just chiming in with how awesome you are. Stay strong. And pursue the forgery thing!

When your 'Letters to a Twat' gets optioned for a movie, who will play you? And can we all come to the premiere & walk the red carpet with you?

Go ahead & have as many woe is me moments as you need. They will lessen with time. You are very strong, you know. Your biting & ironic letters prove it.