Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Well if he wants you to ditch your your solicitor she must be pretty darn good.

So well done for choosing her.

Yes, rather well known for dealing with bullying husbands who don't wish to cooperate with their own divorces, and very familiar at dealing with my more unusual set of circumstances. Does make her rather busy, but she is worth the wait. Worked on a very famous case recently which made the national news! I was oddly proud to be associated with her.

He he he.

Hurray for SHL!

Mr WWK, be afraid! More afraid, I mean.

keep going.

sorry to 'enjoy' reading your letters but i really have. the arrogance is amazing eh? is he still 'representing himself'?

i was fascinated to read the origins of the word prevaricating! off to google that now

Just read your thread and love it. Your solicitor sounds amazing and I am so glad she is being a rock for you. I did a small amount of matrimonial work years ago and had a boss who was brilliant at picking cases like yours. It was very rewarding work indeed.
Good luck for Court. It would be somehow disappointing if he doesn't appoint, as you want a bit of a fight for him or it could just be tad depressing. Clearly not the man you married.
You are doing amazingly, even if at times you still have to pinch yourself to realise all of the possibilities now open to you.

If someone will satisfy my curiosity, exactly what does 'SHL' stand for?

Shit head lawyer? Stunningly handsome lawyer? Solicitor hates lowlifescumsuckingexes?

Shit Hot Lawyer

Thanks!

Dear STBXH,

A lovely poster up-thread provided a link regarding inspirational divorce quotes. I read them at the time, and have done so several times since. I indeed took inspiration from them. I am grateful to her for taking the the time to support me when I was at a very low ebb, I appreciate her giving me some much needed kindness.

I am adjusting to my new life, and starting to make plans for a new future. It is now over seven weeks since you fucked off, and I'm looking at things in a new light.

Now, and only this week, I have finally come to terms with being abandoned. It gives me a glorious opportunity to interpret the divorce quotes with a fresh mind.

Here they are, just for you.

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
Chinese proverb

= I am a diamond and have got through the rough weeks. Ergo, off to court we go.

If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it wasn’t meant to be.
Unknown

= If you really loves someone, and they fuck off, when they ask to come back, to tell to FOTTFSOFATFSOSM.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
M. Kathleen Casey

= Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Having a SHL makes it pleasurable.

It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.
Abraham Lincoln

= But employ a SHL, and all is more equitable.

Be happy. It's one way of being wise.
Colette

= It also fucks you off royally.

When your heart speaks, take good notes.
Judith Campbell

= When your husband starts being shifty, scan the paperwork to your lawyer.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.
Carl Jung

= It's kind of obvious you keeping falling over and finding your dick in an unfortunate other. It's an intuitive thing.

Water which is too pure has no fish.
Ts'ai Ken T'an

= Yes, you the blameless one, has no fucking idea.

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.
Marcus Aurelius (121-180)

= But a SHL may make things rather awkward.

Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.

= You've tried new things. Now you think: oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!

Whatever comes, this too shall pass away.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

= Like impotence.

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.
Andre Gide

= Howly cow, monogamy sucks.

Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.
Hannah Arendt

= so is divorce.

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness
Charles Haddon Spurgeon

= My SHL notes this well. She's determined to upset you rather a lot.

Best wishes,

Your proverbial wife.

Howly cow?

Holy cow!

Msut laern to tpye!

WWK you are an excellent writer. Am in awe of your strength (sorry if that irritates) and your insight.
Your TBXH is an idiot, and karma and your SHL will find him.

a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush but if you drop the one to chase the two don't expect to get 85% of the one you dropped.

Just a fabulous post wwk

Enjoy the weekend, hope you have the sunshine. Have a glass of champagne and toast the fact that you have supporters who are cheering you on every step of the way.

@ honeybadger!!

HoneyBadger for the win!!! Very wise words that more men (& women, I suppose) should take to heart before they decide to ruin their families' lives!

Wellwho I love your spin on those quotes!

Dear STBXH,

Thank you for your email. I am saddened to read that life is not treating you well at the moment, and you are hurt and angry by the direction it is taking.

It is quite upsetting to read. But look on the bright side of life, at least your wife has not deserted you at this difficult time.

Yours,

(Willing the divorce to hurry up) wife.

Ooh back of the net WWK. Right on target. Do you mind if I ask how you are doing tonight?

Thanks. I'm okay - a bit discombobulated truth be told.

A few hours after I read the email, a neighbour popped over to ask how things were.

My face obviously told a different story when I said I was fine.

A few beers later, I'm home.

People are amazingly brilliant during tough times, aren't they.

I just wish this wasn't my life.

I just want my before life, or my post divorce life. This interim life sucks.

Hugs. Just keep on keeping on

One foot in front of the other.

His loss.

absolutely his loss. perhaps he has realised the grass he thought was greener or at least as green is burned out, tired and old.

The conflicting emotions can play havoc but this won't last forever.

Keep holding the thought that you will soon be building your new, more fabulous life.

I'm sorry WWK that life sucks right now. It's not much, but please know there are people rooting for you and do keep posting. Hard as it may be to believe right now, you will grow a future.

Sending virtual hugs.

Dear STBXH,

The worm is turning.

Despite your woe is me, and your blame, your lies and accusations that I have to withstand this year, I have always tried to put you first, even if I haven't always succeeded. Although of course you will deny that I ever did anything nice for you.

But yesterday, the police came round to take my Victim Impact Statement. You know about the crime that was committed last year against me, you blamed me for it. When the police asked me to say what effects it had on me, I told them about your reaction. How that was the worst thing about the whole ordeal - was your complete fury that I should have allowed this to happen. The police looked at me and said 'but it wasn't your fault'. And that is the first time, I have ever told anyone except you, just how atrocious you were that day. I realise now, that I have never forgiven your behaviour. I still don't. You made a bad experience, traumatic.

But for all your self-pity you have for yourself, in a filing cabinet in a police station, is a piece of paper that says 'I am a victim', and it has MY name next to it. Not yours.

It is a piece of paper that shows you were wrong that day.

The man who is being prosecuted didn't treat me as badly as you are doing right now. If found guilty, a prison sentence is highly likely. We go to court next month, I am quite daunted by having to testify - to speak up for myself, truth be told.

I see that you are now pleading poverty, that you are no longer earning a wage, that you have stopped your pension contributions. I hope that when the court orders your financial information, that paperwork proves you wrong again. We can already prove you are still working.

You are making this just a little too easy for us. You do realise that if you lie to a court of law, they may be a little less forgiving than when you lie to your wife and family?

Your fury at me means, like your reaction to that crime last year, is misplaced and ill-judged. You may never have to face up to the fact that you were wrong that day, and you are wrong now.

You can call us all deluded fools. I don't care. You left this marriage. You broke the wedding vows. You instigated the divorce. You even tried to get me party to your fraudulent behaviour.

I still haven't done anything wrong.

This week brings me into week eight of singlehood, today is a special day because today is a day for the first time this year, that I am doing something for me - entirely selfishly because I will find it enjoyable and rewarding. It is also perfectly legal. It is my first act of putting me first, just because I can. I've had a tough year, and I need a break.

Tomorrow, I will assert myself in the divorce you wanted. It is not a reaction, or an act of revenge, it is about me managing my own divorce. It is purely about me, my future and helping me accept your awful behaviour, by letting the paperwork do the talking.

And even though, I haven't broken any laws, committed any crimes, nor abandoned my marriage, I think I've learnt more about legal processes in the last two weeks than a law student, what with my life being like a long episode of Silk.

Yours,

Your rather litigeous, wife.

Go you! What a fantastically positive post. It seems you are coming out of the fog. Well done!

I'm sorry you had such an awful time last year though and hope that gets laid to rest now too.

Wow WWK - I didn't know your back story; no wonder Ex is so frantic. You are holding up a mirror to his shitty actions, and he is doing everything possible to avoid looking into it. If he did, he would curl up screaming at the horror of it, what he did to you. And is still doing. Self-pity is not even half of it.

You are so strong; I hope the thought of court next month gives you strength, rather than intimidates; as you say, you will be vindicated. That man did you wrong, ex was wrong to blame you; you are right and have done nothing!

Hope you have a wonderful day doing what you want, today.