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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 74.

999 replies

MadeMan · 04/05/2014 13:44

Hello and welcome.

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 05/05/2014 23:04

No, not the only one, Lizzie... Wink

Bigbird01 · 05/05/2014 23:14

I caught it too Lizzie, just this thread moves pretty fast sometimes! Hate to go all FB, but sometimes the 'like' button just works!

DollyTwat · 05/05/2014 23:28

Well I got dumped by text this morning by my Tinder man, no reason. Why do they do that?

I thought we'd been getting on really well, he came to a friends BBQ yesterday, my dc were there and said hello, but not a big introduction. We had sex before he went home, said he'd had a lovely time then I got the text about not seeing it work long term

It's just so rude isn't it

Canihaveaslice · 05/05/2014 23:51

Scared, I'm glad you've got some answers now as to why he was on there. I agree the only thing you can do now is just chill out and see where the relationship goes.

Folk, I liked your old analogy.
Well I'm back from date no7. We just had food and a drink, the chatting seems to be more relaxed now with the odd comfortable silence. We discussed which of our dates had been our fave and why Smile

FolkGirl · 06/05/2014 06:38

Dolly Did you have no inkling at all?

I sometimes think that when your children become a reality for some men, that's when it becomes a problem.

I was seeing someone for a few weeks and we were getting on really well. We'd been on some lovely dates, he'd met some of my friends, I'd met some of his family, we were really easy and comfortable around each other... It was probably never going to last long term, but it was certainly 'nice'. Then he saw a photo of my children and I think reality hit - I could tell in his tone of voice, tbh. He emailed with some nonsense about how we were going to fast and should probably slow down a bit, so I ended it.

The only thing that had changed, was that he'd knew what my children looked and I think the reality of "I could end up as the stepdad of a teenager if this carries on" hit him.

I didn't blame him really. I'd prefer to find out sooner rather than later, at least!

dontcallmehon22 · 06/05/2014 07:21

Sorry to hear that Dolly. I agree folk, about the dc thing. I do think that was part of the issue for G.

I fully intend not to date for a while, but if someone comes along I'm happy to take it v slowly. Henry II sounds suspiciously like a good match. He writes. He has the first line of my favourite poem tattooed on the inside of his arm. We share a passion for Geordie Shore...

SuperFlyHigh · 06/05/2014 09:53

girliefriend, deliberately and folk - thanks for those wise words.

I'm a naturally impatient person and can also (more fool me) jump straight into new stuff... Grin.

Re: Gary Barlow - I am so glad Folk agrees with me - yes Gary comes across as a little lost puppy but he annoys the hell out of me - he KNOWS that he's got the best voice in the band, he KNOWS he WAS (not so much now!) a Chubby Checker and not the best looking guy in the band and I think he's a bit envious of Robbie's success. You know some men just emanate smugness (maybe I got out of wrong side of the bed today?) - well Barlow does, well a teeny bit! digging major hole here

but then again I can't stand Davina bloody McCall - ooohhh but I'm veering wildly off topic here and need to grab another cup of something with caffeine in it! Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 06/05/2014 09:55

Dolly - so sorry to hear that.

for what it's worth I don't think having children come into play with either much, I'm a childless woman (Bronte heroine?!) and I get the same dumped without a trace message or email or whatever.

Some men are twats, get cold feet, rush in too soon (like MBB did) etc.

Scarey123 · 06/05/2014 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeliberatelyDreaming · 06/05/2014 12:54

Dolly You poor thing. If being dumped isn't bad enough, to happen by text makes it worse. Mr Zany dumped me by text but I was at a point where it was massive relief. My DC are older, as am I sadly, and he had met them and got along fine. It was the relationship between him and I that wasn't fine.

You're welcome Super. While no expert at this dating lark, I've had enough dates over a large enough time span to laugh now. Don't take this as a personal thing, as it only applies to me. My ExH and I split when my youngest Dc was a baby. I chose to remain single while they grew up. Yup, lonely wasn't the word some days but now they are grown my life is pretty much my own, it worked for me. So, I started dipping my toe into the dating world and after over a decade and a half of not dating, my flabber was beyond gasted. At least I have some hilarious stories and have gained a bit of wisdom along the way. Grin

Agree Scarey the men seem to have all the idea's about what they want to happen, and they then move things along, the problem is, as you say once things move, they run away - laughable.

Well, my Friday coffee date is pushing to make it sooner. I have put my foot down as I won't be rushed and I can't really fit a date in before Friday. If he backs out, it's anything but a loss. If he persists I will cancel. I hate being railroaded into things.

handfulofcottonbuds · 06/05/2014 13:28

New to this thread and to OD.

Need some advice. The emails and winks and people adding me as 'favourites' is getting a little out of hand for me. Is it normal for you to get so many emails from people? I really don't want to sound big headed but I can't keep up. I haven't been replying to those without photos and have even put that in my profile. I just think if you can't be bothered to put a photo up, I can't be bothered to reply.

I've got a few really nice emails from people who I am really not interested in but how do I reply? They've been so complimentary and taken time to write about themselves and how they think that we would be compatible. I want to let them down gently but don't know what to say.

I think I have a lot to learn from this but it's early days Smile

Scarey123 · 06/05/2014 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeliberatelyDreaming · 06/05/2014 14:04

Wow, you lucky lady Scarey what a wonderful surprise. I'm really thrilled for you, but can understand the mixed emotions. Take them as a beautiful gift as they were intended and enjoy them.

Handful I'm perhaps a bit more heard hearted than I was initially. I ignore all the people who I don't think I could possibly date. If they send a message I just reply "sorry but you're not my type but I wish you well". I only reply to people who I realistically think could be date material. It's not easy at first, but you will soon get the hang of the 'thanks but no thanks'. Grin

dontcallmehon22 · 06/05/2014 14:05

Ah Scarey that's lovely!!

super sorry to hear about MBB. He sounds like Mr Smooth who I met before Geeky. Rushed in and backed off...

Well here's me, fully intending not to date anymore and there's Henry II with his poetry tattoo being utterly charming Hmm.

dontcallmehon22 · 06/05/2014 14:08

cotton I just don't reply. I've written about why in my book - I'm happy to pm you some of the chapter but I can't put it on here.

handfulofcottonbuds · 06/05/2014 14:10

Thanks dreaming. I'm being a bit ruthless already. Discounted those that call me babe, hun, gorgeous or just send me a message saying that I'm beautiful and can I chat? Oh and selfies in the bathroom, shirts off, beards (I'm shallow in that way) and those who have an age range of 20 years either way. Just refer to something I've put on my profile and you'll get my attention.

A few weeks down the line I might get a bit more open to those Grin

TalisaMaegyr · 06/05/2014 14:11

I thought you were taking a break dont?

handfulofcottonbuds · 06/05/2014 14:11

dontcallmehon - any advice would be good, thanks Smile

dontcallmehon22 · 06/05/2014 14:14

I am not on the sites actively now or looking to date, but I've been texting Henry II for a while. No rush though Smile. My focus is me.

DeliberatelyDreaming · 06/05/2014 14:16

It sounds like you're doing just fine handful. Those hun, babe, sweetie, sexy messages are binned straight away, I hate those. I like it when someone refers to something in my profile, it shows they have read it and like it not just my looks. Mind, I'm shallow too and looks have to do it for me. I'm trying this time around not to just go on looks and it ain't easy.

dontcallmehon22 · 06/05/2014 14:19

I'm feeling a lot better now so feel a few days break was enough. I've done a lot of thinking.

handfulofcottonbuds · 06/05/2014 14:20

Thanks dreaming. I was chatting to a firefighter who has a great profile then he called me 'hun' and ended the message with 'xxxxxxxxxx'. Put me right off, it didn't seem to suit him either to suddenly change his messaing style.

I think I can already tell the ones who are attached already or who are looking for fun only.

dontcallmehon22 · 06/05/2014 14:25

I've pmed you cotton. I sent all of chapter 2 to you.

DeliberatelyDreaming · 06/05/2014 14:26

I get you handful. The other thing that really, really puts me off is text speak. One guy told me he would type as he liked, I told him I would block as I liked and so I did. Those looking for fun are usually easy to spot, that said I went on a date with one who sounded anything like that was what he was after, I fled leaving my coffee.

handfulofcottonbuds · 06/05/2014 14:28

Great, thanks don'tcallmehon

dreaming - haha, it's certainly an eye opener! What's with the photos of them with their arms round a girl or girls too??

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