The Dating Thread 74.

[MadeMan]

Hello and welcome.

hi pink yeah a drink is good. if u go later on in the evening too if it's not working out then not so bad if u need to make an exit.

He might not want to appear pushy if he suggests meeting up AND says the place too.

Hadn't thought about it that way neil but given what I think I can tell about his personality, I think you might be right. we'll see what happens if we make it past the first date :)

Pink I've been on a LOT of first dates and the guy almost always wants me to choose what to do where to go and when. It annoys me because I am into take charge kind of guys and I run out of ideas, but I've come to expect it now. I think they think they're being chivalrous and working around you.

You can't win sometimes. If one person chooses the day to meet, the restaurant etc and complains about something while your there, the other could like it and see them as decisive. They could also see it as controlling behaviour.
If one person just sits back and lets the other one make all the decisions, the other one might think they're being thoughtful and considerate. They could also think that they're indecisive and disinterested.

'tis a minefield.

pinkpeanuts - try not to over think it, just pick somewhere that serves coffee or wine and go there.

The main thing is he wants to see you and get to know you. Besides, he can choose next time if you like him

It is so true. I used to think that the guy needs to take charge, but now, I also do not mind if he asks my preference, in a way to engage in knowing me more. I'm more into a share share kind of first meet up.

I'm hiding back on here now. I managed to message 2 people. And caught one guy who I tried to talk on chat with but he ignored me. I think the guys that I like are all kind of like "quiet" guys. I feel too forthright doing this.

I'm hiding back on here now

So funny, is this your safe haven?

I'm chatting to a complete mixture. Some are quiet and they are hard work at times.

The gorgeous Italian who added me to his favourites is online. He has the best photo, it's like he's looking right at me. However, he never replied to my message so I've gone off him and his beautiful face

My date went to bed hours ago so I'm just looking round. Trying to not put everything on my date but I'm realistic too, although at the moment, nobody else compares.

Hand I think talking about it, grounds me more. Cos I do not know what is happening, especially if they don't answer. I was also talking to another friend too as I was writing the messages. I came to realise that, there may be a small chance of a response.

I almost, but I stopped myself, sending a 3rd message to this guy whom I have messaged before! So I had to close down the account. I think my real list is possibly just 2. It probably is not 5.

Morning all, and thanks for your words of wisdom, what you're all saying does make sense.
I have to wake up stupidly early to get myself and the toddler out of the house on time. When I woke up at obscene o'clock this morning, he'd sent a message for me to wake up to basically wishing me a good morning and hoping I have a lovely day. I'm a cynical one these days as I dont have the best track record when it comes to meeting people but it did give me a touch of the warm and fuzzies!

neil I wouldn't find it controlling if someone else decided where to go. I used to quite like that.

I was very on one date when the man told me not to to do something. I thought he was joking and carried on. Then he physically stopped me from doing it and said very sternly, "I told you not to do that. I'm always telling

MyChild I did the same. Always offered to pay half, but was always a little impressed if they didn't let me. I did always insist on getting drinks or something (to judge their response as much as anything). I only once felt like I was being treated like The Little Lady so perhaps that's the difference.

I think it's the difference between someone paying because they've asked you out and and it's their treat, and someone paying for you because they'e The Man and it's what Men do.

With the man I mentioned above, when we went to the cinema we'd unintentionally gone on the cheap night so he only paid £5 or £6 for the tickets. When we went to buy the drinks and popcorn, he made a big show in front of everyone about how if it came to more than the tickets then he'd have to give me the difference because he couldn't let a woman pay more than him.

That was shortly before he 'told me off'...

I was also a bit at one date I went on where we'd gone for a drink and a pub lunch. We'd paid for our drinks at the bar, so they didn't go on the bill and he suggested we went halves on the bill which came to just over £13. That was just embarrassing!

But most of the men it was never an issue with.

Having made all the decisions in my marriage and now with my children I'm bloody grateful if someone makes a decision for me!

Haha!! See!! You're all so different on this aren't you?
And a man has to guess all this and try and work out the best approach!

Fwiw, I'm not bothered whether I pay everything or half. I'd feel like a ponce if a woman paid for everything though, even if she was really wealthy. I think I prefer suggesting where to go though just in case she suggested something like line dancing or skating. i'd end up on my arse doing both.

pink after numerous boyfriends who haven't made any effort to suggest things to do in the evenings or weekends etc but are happy to sit in front of the tv I'm very glad when a man takes charge and suggests somewhere to go. MrGolf was very good at this, first date amazing views of London, second ping pong and cocktails etc. Plus he was a total gentleman, always insisted on paying unfortunately he 'wasn't ready for a relationship', you can't have everything I guess.

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off. Was messaging a guy last night, only a couple of messages and then asked what he did. He said he was a policeman. I then took about 20minutes to reply as was doing other stuff plus it was tinder so I don't think theres an obligation to reply straight away. Then he messaged me again saying 'don't like the police then?' I'm now thinking I was a little hasty in blocking him but I just thought it was a bit needy and I can't be doing with replying within seconds.

Was also messaging a lovely guy on Saturday night who actually took the time to write proper, long messages with lots of detail unlike most I get. Then he didn't reply for about an hour at midnight, I went to sleep and then replied yesterday morning and now he's completely disappeared. Aaahhh it feels like I'm constantly in limbo with all these conversations, where you really have no idea what the person is like.

It may have been that he has had a bad reaction once he says his job to other people or just that he was a little keen to hear back from you?

I didn't reply to boat man and after 20 minutes got a message saying, "still there...."? I thought it was a bit keen but you can't tell much from a text/message.

F**king brilliant. Just found out off a friend that denim shorts woman has a boyfriend. Not a casual one either. She lives with him. She's off work today and I told her I was starting work on Monday night so she wanted to meet up today. I sent her a message on FB asking her if it's true that she has a bf she lives with. She's not replied and I know she's been online.
Surely to god she wasn't expecting me to go round to her house while he's obviously at work????

oh Neil no. that's rubbish. I'm sorry. sounds like u had a near miss there.

re the policeman. It would certainly put me off.

I asked my mate why I only seem to attract women like that when we're out. He said it's probably because the ones that are "up front, loud and in your face" have more confidence about asking a bloke out or making a move on him.

Neil But surely, you didn't want a relationship with this girl to begin with, right ?

I think that is why most women do asks questions first. There are different ways to find out if someone is taken or not, and I think most people would be honest.

I'm sorry you had such a disappointment. I'm surprised she wanted to meet up.

This dating thing is so confusing...

So I had another confusing situation yesterday. I am on Wise Owl. I got a message from a guy thanking me for contacting him sure enough there it was my tagline or whatever they call it, sent at 11.06. I never sent it??

Upshot I messaged him back and he passed on me. Was willing to overlook the beard too. ;)

I am already thinking about cancelling my profile. Of course now I have paid up the messages are drying up.

I ddon't think I am tough enough and I am still hurting over my relationship which fell apart at Christmas.

Wish I had not joined now. Feel old and on the scrap heap. I thought it might be a diversion.
Sorry to sound so negative. Feeling so alone. Have taken the day off as I can't stop crying. :(

I've just been sent this, I admire his effort and honesty!

So here it is Turned. We could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks and next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it. I finally work up the balls to call you and we go cinema, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know eachothers friends and spend lots of time together. We finally get past the sexual tension and develop a really intense sex life that's absolutely incredible. We decide our relationship is solid and stable so we move in together for a while. A year or so later we get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion so we buy a house. You really want kids, though I want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find I am resentful. The sparks start to fade and to rekindle the romance we have 2 more lovely kinds. I have to work too much to pay the bills and pay for our lifestyles, have no time for you and you're really stressed and stop taking good care of your self. To get past our slow sex life and my declining self confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar and throw me out (I don't blame you). We have to explain to our 3 kids why mummy and daddy are splitting up and that's just too sad. Turned, I need you to think about how sad that would be.... If you reply and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual to protect our potential future children because we both know where this is going!! Xx