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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 74.

999 replies

MadeMan · 04/05/2014 13:44

Hello and welcome.

OP posts:
neiljames77 · 08/05/2014 13:45

Anyway, I've no excuses left. It's stopped raining and I've got to build a fence.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 13:50

neil - trust me on this one - I know a few caring and compassionate men.... (Danny is one and he can get quite hurt bless him!).

and I know several women who are not compassionate and caring at all and don't give a job for feelings. They're in the minority but trust me when I was younger i ended some relationships and was quite harsh on the feelings side.

neiljames77 · 08/05/2014 14:30

Right, it's raining again( I book days off work to build a fence and it won't stop pissing down)

SuperFlyHigh - That's why I used terms like "in general" and "by and large". There's always a few exceptions.(why don't you pay a bit more bleedin' attention to what I'm writing!!!! Grin )

I can believe that you've been harsh. You strike me as a bit of a terror. Grin Grin Grin

Rummikub · 08/05/2014 14:38

Ah I see deliberately

What do people do about talking to more than one person? I think I'm about to get grief about it Hmm

Rummikub · 08/05/2014 14:41

superfly I was the same when I was in my 20s, I really didn't give a fuck about others feelings. stuff was out my mouth without regard to its impact. Obviously I've grown up a lot now!

DeliberatelyDreaming · 08/05/2014 14:44

Rummikub I'm talking to quite a few at the moment. My mantra is; until there is a discussion about exclusivity I'm a free agent and can talk to/go on dates with as many as I choose.

Rummikub · 08/05/2014 14:54

Oh good, as that's exactly what I think. I'm not committing to the first person that I have a connection with. He's sent me stressed messages, now ignoring me. Bothered? Me? Not at all! Grin

It's a funny thing this OLD. It feels like traversing a minefield. A lot of people (men &women) on there who've been hurt, myself included, who deal with it in very different ways. Some headlong into the next thing others more cautious. No right way I guess. It's all about outcome.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 15:45

neil I am [shocked] I am really a pussy cat! Grin

how's the fence building coming along?! is it high enough for you to peek over your neighbours gardens yet?! Grin

rummi ah yes the days of being a harsh cruel female... I had a very nice French chef BF at age 25 but he was always working nights/weekends (I did see him) - he wanted me to move in with him etc... stupidly (about only time I've done this) I went out clubbing met someone else, DTD (eek!) then broke it off with French BF. He was sobbing and saying "but I LURVE you, I will forgive you" (I had to tell him the reason as he wouldn't let me break up with him!). went out with the new BF for about 7 months after that and I was with the French one for about 8 months too.

But my 20's were all about (apart from engagement when 21) clubbing and having a laugh. certainly not settling down. didn't stop friends trying to pair me off.

Rummikub · 08/05/2014 15:48

Oh poor French chef. You heartbreaker. I used to be called that sometimes Blush

It changed for me once I had children. I didn't feel I could runaway anymore.

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 15:51

I was never called a heartbreaker but that was harsh!

But it was partly the chef's fault as he was NEVER there and what free time he did have off he liked to spend playing pool, in pubs, I mean we did go out but certainly living together wouldn't have been fun!

I remember one of his friends got married when we were going out and the wife said "you have to get used to this lifestyle, the antisocial hours etc" which you do. I often wonder if they lasted. Last thing I heard was he's married with 2 kids in Holland and has his own patisserie/catering business but sadly one child is badly autistic. Sad

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 15:54

Bloody hell I googled him and he died!!!! True! PM me if you want the details...

that is so sad Sad

Rummikub · 08/05/2014 16:01
Thanks
neiljames77 · 08/05/2014 16:10

Blimey. Are you ok?

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 16:13

neil I'm [shocked]. there's more to it... bloody hell

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 16:13

sorry Shock even.

DeliberatelyDreaming · 08/05/2014 16:23

Oh my God Super. Are you ok? You're bound to be shocked, things like this do shock. Take it easy, ok. You need time to let this all sink in. (((SUPER)))

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 16:28

Deliberately - I'm ok but yes like you say big shock and I am taking it easy and letting it sink in. it was about 17 years ago I met him!!!

Farmergiles99 · 08/05/2014 17:12

White door and Neiljames- The conversation was when things were hotting up on Saturday and it looked like DTD was on the cards, he asked if I wanted to and that's when I said I was embarrassed about down etc and wasn't ready to DTD. The question will be if we do DTD what he makes of it all. Hopefully he will be as lovely as he was and say it's all fine but who knows.

Scarey123 · 08/05/2014 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whitedoorbell · 08/05/2014 17:23

super hope yr ok... that must have been one hell of a shock.

farmer he sounds lovely... take your time and see what happens. good luck and let us know how it goes [nosey emoticon]

whitedoorbell · 08/05/2014 17:26

scarey when are you seeing him next? you need to get it out in the open before you go mad

SuperFlyHigh · 08/05/2014 17:50

Thanks white and scareyyes what a shock and I rarely keep in touch with exes.

Worst of it was he was a kind sweet hearted man. He made me and my best friend at the time huge Hand decorated Easter eggs! He worked at Roux brothers as a patisserie chef. Bless him.

jesy · 08/05/2014 18:01

Off for a date in a bit in a gym omg why did I agree lol he did give me chance to get out of it and just have tea but I said a bets a bet lol
Omg it will kill me lol
Had to go out n buy so gym type stuff but sexy undies under lol

whitedoorbell · 08/05/2014 18:19

go you jesy in your tracksuit and thong Grin Grin Grin

Canihaveaslice · 08/05/2014 18:30

I saw mr nice again on Monday. So that's fri, sat and Monday! He's away now this weekend so some time apart as I won't be seeing him until next weekend. We had a nice evening and went for food and a drink. He's texting every evening to see how my days gone and we discuss what were both watching on tv :)

From reading what everyone else is doing I don't know if I'm doing something wrong! I can't be doing with games and even though I'm reserved about saying how I feel about someone in person, I'm not bothered if they think texting first shows a vulnerability or not. If I like them I'll text them first. Obv if I feel it's one sided then I can't be arsed and won't bother and then they can take a jump!

Mr nice also seems to not play games so we text each other whenever we have something to chat about regardless of whose turn it is. Also at the end of each date we discuss if they'll be a next date and what to do. This seems to have made it easier and hopefully we both know where we stand.
Scarey, if after 4 months your finding it hard to ask him if /when your seeing him again then to me it seems it's not working. 4 months of dating is quite some time to have got over the does he/doesn't he insecurities I would've thought. If you both liked each other then you wouldn't be feeling so awkward bringing it up. You would just want to be yourself. Sorry if this seems harsh but maybe if everyone just said how they felt things would go a lot more smoother with less mind games.

Jesy-good luck with the date.