About to loose everything

[Blossomflowers]

I need some wise words to stop me jumping of the nearest bridge. Last year spilt with long term partner of 20 years in December ( I asked him to leave) since spilt was coping getting on with life. Even dating ( have another thread) anyway fast forward few weeks life has turned on its head, suffered a break in, car stolen, having extreme bad luck with work so am totally financially screwed atm. Also been seeing X again, which oddly has been really nice. I am in a total mess, actually could not get out of bed this morning, am really really down and do not know what to do or who to turn too. Some wise words please

Hope he keeps that appointment and is upfront with the doctor.

Need I add, be kind to yourself too Blossom.

donkey he hates feeling like he does, now he recognises that he does have a problem ( denied it for years) and there is no one to blame as it was always my fault in the past. Then hopefully he can move on, just need to find the right medication.

Bit of an awakening for him. I admire your patience. He had to hit rock bottom I suppose.

donkey yep think he is pretty much there. I know whilst I am spending time with him it will prevent me from moving on, so need to do some soul searching this week.

Can you plan something carrefree for yourself tomorrow, something indulgent to blow away the cobwebs?

Blossomflowers Well done for getting through what must have been a very draining weekend.

As a sort of cheerleader, don't forget that it is okay to look after yourself and to put yourself first (DS depending, of course). I think you need to set a clear distance between you, and it will be a good time for your ex to get proper help without you around when he could slip into old, unhealthy habits.

Sending lots of hugs

It is rather horrible sitting here wondering if today is the day he will end it. He is deeply unhappy but in my mind it is all in the making. Actually weekend was nice. The only thing he gets upset about is me going off with someone else and accuses me of breaking everything, rewriting history again.

That isn't true obviously. If he really is ill then of course his judgment is warped so file any such comments under Erroneous rather than Malicious.

Yet again you're the one left spiritually bruised.

donkey you are right of course. Had lots of texts last night some nasty and he has called it a day with me. Ho hum. On new meds but going to take a while, he asked GP for Diazipam but she refused, as he tried to top himself with these before. I hope he will be ok but somehow I think he will not be.

Oh dear.

Btw what about DS seeing his father, will that be suspended for now or is it usually driven by ex making arrangements? In which case he may withdraw or reject any contact for a while.

DS is very wrapped up with his friends right now, does not want to do anything, typical teenager. They are doing a nights fishing on Saturday but am worried about him not being able to stay sober for this, he is back drinking on the the morning.
GP gave him Sertraline which he had an very bad reaction to last time, , he had terrible nightmares and visions.

Have just been recommended a book which is supposed to be a great introduction to 'mindfulness' and meditation, it's on Amazon new or used,
"Get Some Headspace: 10 Minutes Can Make All the Difference" by Andy Puddicombe.
It's not really "my thing" I won't lie to you but I'm wondering if it can help with pressure situations.
For you, I mean, not ex.

Will check it out but I am ok, just very very sad for him. I am two minds to call GP myself not sure it can do any harm

Sending massive hugs.

Hey thanks lisa. Just called his workshop (withheld number) and not there, feel a bit sick. Worse thing if he does it, I will not be told.

But DS is his closest next of kin isn't he - so surely you would be told as his mother, even if you are no longer his partner.

I don't think ringing the GP can hurt - you have been there for him this weekend so can report back on very recent times. I'm sure that, from a psychological point of view at least, he wanted to be able to say (to himself at least) 'I left' rather than 'She told me to go' so that might explain the texts.

Re night fishing and drinking - if you can I would talk to DS about this and say that, whoever is driving, that he shouldn't get in a car driven by someone that has been drinking, even if that is his father. And also make sure that he has a way of contacting you, and reassuring him that, whilst he's living at home, you would come and pick him up so that he doesn't have to be driven by a drunk-driver.

Not wanting to pursue this line of thought but he might in those circumstances leave a note.

Look I know you have a shared history and very recently you have seen a glimmer of him being nice which can mess with your head but I am concerned for you. It must be a big strain.

Am sure his GP could arrange for ex to have his meds on a daily prescription if she felt the risk warranted it.

Mistle yes you are right, did not think of that. I have talked to DS about the drink drive thing.
Yea think will give GP and call, can't do any harm. donkey I am doing fine under the circumstances, just a deep sadness for the situation and feeling of dread some bad is going to happen but nothing I can do about it.

Blossom you know don't you, it won't be your responsibility if he does attempt something.

If DS asks, explain ex is ill but he can get help from professional medical people - not from you. Dad is an adult and he has to be the one seeking help.

If you receive any alarming text messages call police using your local non emergency number and pass on the details. Please don't go to rescue him or invite him back to your home. The police will go and check him out.

Bluntly ex is not going to get better, until he accepts responsibility because why should he make any effort if he can lay it at your door?

Don't accept responsibility, it is his business. That goes for medication and his relationship with you and DS. Even suicide.

donkey I do know that but does not stop me worrying, I know I had done all I can do really.

Still more hugs. I've no good advice, but sending good vibes. x

Have bought myself a magazine and bottle of red wine for a treat, gonna sit down a relax tonight and will not be texting him sometime soon. Beginning to feel anger, I supposed to be his "best friend" and cannot even rebothered to let me know he is ok, must know I am worried sick.

Blossom! You enjoy your wine and your magazine, put some music on and have a wee dance and you know what I'm going to say:

FORGET ABOUT HIM, AT LEAST FOR THIS WEEK, PLEASE!

I will Jan, can't wait to finish work, could well do with that wine now, lol bloody hell sound a right wino.