About to loose everything

[Blossomflowers]

I need some wise words to stop me jumping of the nearest bridge. Last year spilt with long term partner of 20 years in December ( I asked him to leave) since spilt was coping getting on with life. Even dating ( have another thread) anyway fast forward few weeks life has turned on its head, suffered a break in, car stolen, having extreme bad luck with work so am totally financially screwed atm. Also been seeing X again, which oddly has been really nice. I am in a total mess, actually could not get out of bed this morning, am really really down and do not know what to do or who to turn too. Some wise words please

stampy Despite everything I am feeling much better in my mind than when I started the thread, I was just really down, a person can take only so much. But am seeing light @ the end of the tunnel, re money and car thing.

Blossomflowers it is all down to the question, does he want to get better or does he want you to look after him.

I think it would be really helpful for him if you set down clear lines in the sand.

Be prepared for massive, massive guilt trips and get the gun to the police. Good luck.

lisa atm moment he is so so deeply depressed he is not thinking straight. He has been seeing GP regularly (so he is trying to seek help) and on new Meds for past 5 weeks but has just made him worse. He is actually not making me feel guilty kept telling me this is not about me but him, which is good at least accepting some responsibility. I wondering whether to wake him as should be at work but somehow think going there would be a very bad thing.

Just re-read - quite long, and very big on saying 'do' and 'not do' but it is just my opinion.

I don't know if I have shared this, but I was once an in patient in a mental health hospital before they were all closed. There was a clear divide between those who wanted to get better and those that didn't. There really was, it was quite shocking.

The ex may have turned a corner with this - it is a scary realisation that you have to take a side. You can either let yourself sink or you can ask for a lifebelt. I don't think you ever were in a place where you made that choice, you were always going to try and get back on top of things even when you were at your darkest. I saw a lot of people making the choice to sink.

I have been so badly depressed that I was unable to make a cup of tea. It was too complicated for me. What helped was that I either got myself a drink or went thirsty - I was on my own. If I didn't sort out money or shopping I starved. If I messed up with my rent I was homeless. The lack of the safety net helped me make the choices to keep going. It helped me get better.

I am not saying that everyone who is depressed should be abandoned - it really doesn't work that way and if I had had some support I may not still be dealing with the fallout thirty years later. However that support is really best from professionals.

He has turned to you when he was in a desperate place. The trouble is, in the past he is used to you looking after him and he will slip back into that groove in his life where he relies on you. He needs to work out what to do without you being his safety net - with appropriate medical support. It's great that he is seeing his GP but if the meds aren't working after 5 weeks then they need reviewing and he needs to tell the GP this. He needs to tell them how bad it is and get support in place, get referrals, get other fallbacks - and they are easier to get if next time he does this (he probably will) you call the police.

This is not going to be an easy time for you, and if DS sees too much it can do permanent damage. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Certainly worrying about the gun. Last thing anyone needs is someone in an unfit state with a firearm.

Lisa Thank you I did remember you talking about depression, think it is very hard to understand, he tries to explain and it makes me cry if I am honest, I can identify with struggling to make a cup of tea. For him he just cannot get out of bed, will just lie there frozen.
donkey yes only found out about that yesterday and stupidly the asshole who sold it to him knew all guns were confiscated by police last time, when he had a mental breakdown.

When he is lucid ask him to contact his GP.

Or book a taxi to A&E if he doesn't surface until this evening. Won't there be a psychiatric liaison team at A&E who would assess his needs and refer him to the crisis team?

He got up briefly and was panicking because he thought I had not returned from school run, been working away since I got back. He has now gone back to bed, cannot face the day and has lots to do.

Hope DS doesn't see him in a state.

Sending you massive hugs.

Thanks lisa well finally managed to get him up, in shower now, going press him to change meds, not just that I know but not helping. Also hope he can be honest with GP about state of mind.

The hugs continue, I think you will need a stream of them.

awww thanks lisawell got him up, a made him a eat lunch. Said he feels such a failure.Hoping he will do some work and not go on a bender. Started drinking @ 9.30 yesterday morning apparently to mask panic attacks. Hoping he will get back to GP on Monday and try different AD's or something to help with panic

I think waiting until Monday would be a mistake.

donkey I do have contact number for MH unit form before but think you need to be refered. If he did try something and emergency then would call 999. But chances are I will not know as will do it on his own.

It is a strain on you too. Wish I could think of something helpful.

You know what I am coping well., had a good week @ work, put money in the bank and have a car to drive. Whole lot better than last weekend.

Good to hear.

Blossom - if he does commit suicide, its not your fault. If he doesn't want to get help you can't force him to.

And re 'giving you his last tenner' I think that he fleeced you again and again when you were together - so whilst he might appear, in some ways, to be generous, he knows which side his bread is buttered and won't be doing anything to try to stop his reliance on you. Indeed, this whole thing might be manufactured in order to get you back where he wants you.

mistle I know it would not be my fault but when all is said and done I would feel terrible as a person if I did not try and help him. I know what it is like to suffer panic attacks, tis horrible but combine that with deep depression must be awful.

Have you contacted the police about the gun yet Blossom?

But Blossom, you must not do this at the expense of your health and freedom. He needs to be the main worker on getting his mental health sorted, you cannot do it for him. And you must not get yourself in the position where you can think that you should take any responsibility for him - being a friend to help out a bit is different, but that still requires him to be the main person to take responsibility, not you.

Just caught up Blossom. Worried about you now. You MUST contact the police about the gun. A gun can not be in the hands of someone in that state of mind.
Hope you update soon x

Hope you are okay Blossom.

Hi I am fine. He has appointment with GP tonight. Has to change his meds. He has been fairly stable this weekend, allowed him to stay here and has just left in fact. He is very shaky and still not feeling right, have urged him to be totally honest with GP, wish I could call but know they would not be allowed to discuss with me this time. Re the gun the only person he would hurt if himself, that I know. sadly.