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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

About to loose everything

176 replies

Blossomflowers · 29/04/2014 15:10

I need some wise words to stop me jumping of the nearest bridge. Last year spilt with long term partner of 20 years in December ( I asked him to leave) since spilt was coping getting on with life. Even dating ( have another thread) anyway fast forward few weeks life has turned on its head, suffered a break in, car stolen, having extreme bad luck with work so am totally financially screwed atm. Also been seeing X again, which oddly has been really nice. I am in a total mess, actually could not get out of bed this morning, am really really down and do not know what to do or who to turn too. Some wise words please

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Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 13:21

Yea reading old thread a good idea. Don't talk about rain, my stupid kitten decided to stay out in the rain all morning and now looks like a little drowned rat.

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Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 13:25

lisa Re money he has been over generous would give me his last tenner if I needed it, not sure how I would have managed past couple of weeks without his help.BUT you will be please to hear I do not trust him to stay like this, just waiting for him to slip up, not a way to live I suppose

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LisaMed · 08/05/2014 13:25

Blossomflowers - years and years ago we had three cats and they got between the floorboards (long story) and were so filthy that we thought we would have to bath them.

I have never, ever in my life seen anything so funny as a wet cat. They are so skinny under that fur, and sooooo cross that you laugh at them. I don't suggest doing this. I still have the scar.

The funny thing is, malevolent cat fought and howled and screamed at being bathed (she was the one who gave me the scar) but would sit under a dripping tap for hours on end until she was drenched, just watching the drips.

Jan45 · 08/05/2014 13:28

Blossom, hope you are well. Hate to say it but he will show his true colours, the ones you saw when you were together properly, I'm afraid you're going to end up back at square one soon, unless he's had a full frontal lobotomy!

Sorry, just feel you are wasting your time, it's a shame you are relying on him, esp financially, is there nobody, no family you could've called on for support, he's the wrong person for you to be turning to.

LisaMed · 08/05/2014 13:29

Re money - didn't he buy a really fancy watch instead of sorting out his rent? I think in the past the problem was the way he dealt with money, so at least he has been generous now but the clues would be how he got his life in order I suppose.

I don't like writing off people, but I remember how frantic you were when your shoulder was bad and he just disappeared off the radar. If you can get a sea change in how things go then perhaps that would work out.

Hope DS is okay. I have a seven year old so I have all the teenage stuff to come.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 13:30

lis oh how funny.

I just love cats. My kitty is persian/Birman cross and supposed to be house cat, ha that's a laugh, she seems to get great pleasure in getting as dirty as possible. So I have to spend hours brushing her. Maybe not so daft

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Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 13:35

Jan I am pretty sure you are right. Sadly there was nobody to help, I did ask DM for a loan ( she has loads in the bank) but my request fell on deaf ears. Sad
lisa he is totally rubbish with money, just does not seem to be able to plan and far to generous really, the watch thing is just him talking crap, has not actually bought it. DS is great just being a teen bless him

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LisaMed · 08/05/2014 13:36

I wasn't so into cats but got one given as a wedding present. That is a thread in itself. Then we ended up getting a cat to keep the first company and then took in a third as an emergency when it was a tiny kitten when it was only a few weeks old. Evil cat passed away last year and MN held my hand. She was @ nineteen and old in sin.

I miss having a source of cat stories, like the 'housecat' that goes out, but it looks like we will be getting a dog next. DH loves, loves, loves dogs. Father (lives with us) loves dogs. DS is keen on dogs and cuddles my brother's dog. I'm nervous about dogs. Guess which one is most likely to do the walks lol.

Persian/Birman sounds absolutely gorgeous. Do you get good purrs?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/05/2014 13:41

You may find DS bucks the trend and sails through teenage years Lisa.

I do love cats but DH is allergic.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/05/2014 13:41

Why am I not surprised at your DM's response, Blossom!

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 14:58

donkey You know what makes it worse she has lent shit loads to siblings, which she will never get back and has offered to help if I needed it, well when I needed it zilch. Needless to say won't be asking again. When I told her about the break in she said, well never mind you never you wanted to get rid of the car anyway. When she was burgled a few months back it was all her her her. She really is a very , spiteful person.

lisa ah cats this one is georgous, she follows me everywhere, goes mental if she can not sleep on my bed. What a personality oh and the dog loves her, thinks it's her puppy lol

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/05/2014 15:00

If she and ex ever win tickets to the moon Blossommake sure they're one-way.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 15:07

Ha ha Donkey Some of the things she comes out with are priceless, just could not make it up. She has just come back from an all expenses paid holiday to the States, she know things are tough as texted whilst she was away, not has a call and she has been back a week. Her loss

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/05/2014 15:31

You'd think if she has some hang-up about giving you money, she could at least do it for DS.

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 15:36

Oh she is not keen on kids, lucky if she remembers their birthdays. She is also spiteful and mean to other GC, so don't take it personally. This could be a separate thread lol

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/05/2014 15:43

She still sounds mean. It's commendable not to give up on people when you've been close but is this why you can't close the door on ex? because like DM he hasn't been someone to rely on but you hope he might still come good?

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 08/05/2014 16:01

donkey You might have a point there. I really do allow people to treat me like dirt sometimes, am getting better though. I wonder if I will ever trust anyone again.

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Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/05/2014 09:15

So yesterday I stopped X commiting suicide, I feel so sad. He needs to be in a hospital tbh, think I am only delaying the inevitable.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/05/2014 09:24

Shock Blossom where is he now?

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/05/2014 09:29

He is upstairs asleep, I managed to take everything, took car keys as he intended to drive ffs. But found some old Diazepam of mine somehow, took 4 of those, so will sleep deeply now. Last time he was like this, MH team were here every day, wonder if I can let his DR know, unlikely they could discuss with me though

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/05/2014 09:36

Was he thinking how DS would react if he were successful? Did he apologise to you?

Do write down the number for The Samaritans and hand it to him when he wakes up. Tell him if he does this to you again you will immediately call the police or ambulance on 999. He should call his GP asap. Not you, him.

This is going to sound so heartless but if he threatens this again you know his actions will be his choice. That should be what you tell ex as you put the phone down or drive off.

LisaMed · 09/05/2014 09:45

hugs - it is really scary when you have to deal with this.

This is going to make me sound heartless, and I know that you are too nice a person for this to be something that you think easily, but...

HE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. DO NOT LET HIM MAKE HIS PROBLEMS YOUR PROBLEMS. HE WANTS YOU TO TAKE THE STRAIN AGAIN AND LAST TIME IT NEARLY DESTROYED YOU. HE WANTS HIS EASY LIFE BACK.

I would take the angle that for his own sake you need to go absolutely non contact, he needs to take time to rebuild himself without complications from you and he can see DS when he is on more stable ground.

Good luck. Please keep posting. Sometimes just writing something down helps clarify where you are.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/05/2014 09:47

Being heartless or sensible Lisa I feel the same way.

I know it's easy for us to pontificate from a safe distance Blossom but you need to protect yourself.

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 09/05/2014 09:53

You're not about to lose everything. You've had a run of bad luck, at the end of the day, it's only money & possessions, you are in a mess, but there's a way out.

Stay away from ex, make an action plan & if you're struggling with repayments, speak to your lenders.

Try to see this as a chance to start afresh.

Life is shite at times Thanks

Original poster
Blossomflowers · 09/05/2014 09:57

He did keep apologising said he hates himself because he hurts everyone, I am not able to help him, I know that, if he really wants to end it then he will. It must be truely horrible to feel like that. Some stupid bastard has sold him a gun,( he gun licence was revoked because I reported it to the police last time) .Think idea was down bottle vodka, several packets of pills (all locked up in workshop now) and blow brains out. Fuck so many people have commited suicide around here.

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