Hello all, I posted a few weeks ago about my family on another thread and a few ladies kindly answered I was hoping you wouldn't mind me joining you on here as the situation has developed and I need some advice on how to handle it.
Bit of background I got married late last year and my mother and to some extent my gran were a nightmare through out the planning they make up things that I never said, my mother tried to force me to uninvite my dad (they divorced when I was 18) on the day she wouldn't help me into my dress, showed no excitement just stood round with a face like a slapped arse she also told everyone I was behaving like a bridzilla and kicking off because we were running late! Cue husband coming to find me nicely but firmly asking if we can move things along (we had quite a complicated day as we had a civil ceremony and a religious blessing dh is not Christian) then the day after while we were still at the venue she had a massive public breakdown in the car park about how she had tried so hard but iam the most horrendous daughter.
My mum and gran then spent a good hour bad mouthing and bitching about me to my new husband and bridesmaids which resulted in me spending the first week of my honeymoon in tears, neither of them have spoken to us since, we sent Christmas present, thank you cards and our wedding DVD and have had no response by db has also gone NC telling me I am a horrible c**t and behaved like a child at my wedding (this is not true I very asked both my bridesmaids and husband all if who would say)
Dh has been in sporadic contact with DSF who I think is definitely an enabler to both dM and DGm we went home to see my paternal DGF who has been Ill recently, while we were there we rand to see if we could pick up the rest of the wedding things which had been left for the last 9 months at my mothers, they were on holiday so we couldn't go.
Then this week we get a phone call from DSF apparently DGm is in tears because we didn't visit her while we were home my dM has decided that I dislike her but hate my DGm, they don't understand why we are not talking to them?! DGm is saying she's guilty by association?!
They haven't spoken to us for 9 months they didn't even send us a Christmas card! Dh is now pressurising me into calling them but I can't live the next 40 years of my life having episodes like this!
The really sad thing is I told dh this would happen, that at some point after the wedding I'd offend them in someway and they'd go NC then start talking again like nothing had happened I just didn't think it would be less than 12 hours after!
My DGm and dM fit all the traits of being a narcissist although dM to a lesser extent I moved away from my home town at 25 and both their behaviour has declined the longer I've been away our wedding has opened my eyes to just how awful their behaviour is, they only love me conditionally and I've found this extremely difficult to process although I think I've always know our relationships weren't normal.
We are currently ttc and dM knows we were planning on trying the year after the wedding so I think this new development is linked to that, I don't know how to deal with this development I am not sure how to set out boundaries so that they don't ruin any other happy moments in my life.
Apologies for the essay! Thanks for reading if you managed to get this far! I hope some of it makes sense?!