Managing it all. Being happy & fulfilled. Affairs.

[Arewethereyet3]

Our relationship started being less sexual after our 2nd child. It was never the best sex I'd (or I'm sure she'd) had. We work well as a team. At the time I'd come out of a heavily sexual relationship-where the girl I was with was extremely highly sexed-as was I.

Now, we don't even sleep in the same room. I snore and come to bed late. She likes to go to bed early. We don't excite or may not even fully find each other attractive anymore.

Things have been going really well for us both with our careers but we have really grown apart and barely even manage to encourage each other anymore.

I've had a few affairs since our children were born. - they completely took me unawares. I just got chatting to a lovely woman who was passionate about food and cooking, it got late, I walked her home and we tore each other's clothes off outside her flat. I was clear that I only wanted sex. She said she was ok with this, but after about 6 months, she told me she'd fallen in love with me. I called it off-there was no way I was leaving my partner (we've been together 16 years, but not married).

Things were ok again for a while but then I found I really fell for a woman I was working with. We had great sex and really enjoyed each other. So much, that I was on the verge of leaving my partner for her. She however called it off and said that she wished she hadn't gotten involved-it was all too much at a time when she was mourning her brother's death and my situation.

My partner has clearly picked up that all is not well with us; probably knows that I've been unfaithful and right now thinks I'm just selfish and not giving enough time and thought to her and the children.

Neither of us want to rush into a situation we both regret. It'll be me that has to go. We have all our assets tied together, still show signs of fancying each other, still enjoy the comfort we get from coming home to someone after a hard day and knowing that there is money in the bank, good food on the table, happy confident children.

I cannot bare to leave my kids and I've seen how she struggles (as I do) when dealing with them/work etc all alone.

Yet, we both miss intimacy. We both miss sex. I have been seeing someone else. Typical cliche-she's much younger, sexy, extremely intelligent and beautiful. I don't want to start all over again-as flattering as all this attention is. But, it's not just an ego trip. It's not just sex. This woman offers a whole new experience and we only have one life.

I had a health scare a few years ago and it has made me realise how short life is to be unhappy or cause unhappiness.

My partner and I are unhappy with each other. There was a time when we were in love. Part of me felt as though I'd compromised on the sex issue-but I found sexy women difficult to cope with full time. No doubt she compromised a fair bit too.

We both love our kids so much and they will be taken care of however which way we go.

I don't want to trap my partner into accepting me as a man who has affairs. She wouldn't let that happen anyway. I don't even want to be a man that has affairs. I just want a good sex life, with passion and intense lovemaking. How do you sustain that over the years?

Is it wrong to deny yourself this?

We've been in this limbo for 6 months and there is no obvious direction to go in.

I'm not looking for advice I don't think. Just want to have a frank, open and honest conversation with someone going through the same.

If you're going to senselessly judge and transfer all your own frustrations with your partner, please don't. I'm not interested. If you intelligently want to share some ideas and experiences that are relevant, mature and 'modern' you're very welcome....

Please just tell your DP what is going on. You say you had a health scare recently and have come to the conclusion that life is too short for unhappy relationships, yes it is, but the same applies to your partner. You are having your cake and eating it. She is being treated like shit, by you. Give her an equal footing, give her some options.

Your relationship with your DP is over, stop being a total dick to her and let her go.

So, since the birth of your second child, who along with your older child is young enough to be read to, you've had three affairs, one of which lasted at least 6m, and a health scare a few years ago? You confessed affair 1, presumably reached some kind of rekindling of your relationship?

And both of you have careers that are going well?

Gosh, I barely have time to watch TV.

I've just self actualized. It was great, but now I can't be added to shag my DH.

Should I be worried that he'll go and help himself to a side order of fuck elsewhere?

*arsed not added

Twat. How's that for "modern"?

So, OP, your children will be 'taken care of' whatever happens. How nice, you won't have to worry about them while you are off having your rightful share of supuer sex.

Do you not realise that if you leave they will think that you put your happiness ahead of theirs?

And the sad thing is, they will be right.

• super

Your children are presumably modern. Perhaps you should ask them for some advice about your chosen lifestyle.

Being a deceitful fuckwit who puts their partner's sexual health, not to mention self esteem, happiness or even sanity in danger is 'modern' now?

I never knew.

GOOD LUCK DUDE HAHAHAHAHA! IT REALLY INTERESTS ME HOW PEOPLE LIKE YOU CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT. YOU HAVE WRECKED THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE YOU SHOULD CARE MOST ABOUT BECAUSE YOU'RE DESPERATE. NICE ONE GEEZER.

Worst thing you did asking aload of women if your affairs can be justified and understood!! School boy error the answers you seek are down the pub with all the Lonely old piss heads that have no one because they where such a cunt in their youth

Geez!!! some of you 'ladies' are so bitter, if you read the whole thread there are women here who do think these affairs are understandable given the sorry state of the primary relationship, me for one. This man is in his 40s - things haven't been right for a while now - what should he do, he may live to be 90, should he just carry on with no sex and separate beds for the rest of his life? Separate rooms and beds is no marriage, snoring and different work patterns are merely excuses for the situation.

He'd the one who snores and goes to bed late.

Go to bed with DW, decamp to the spare room after spending time together?

"what should he do, "

Talk to his wife?

He doesn't have to put up with it.

And I don't think posters here are saying he should. They are however saying that if he wants out, he should leave. Not cheat.

The OP is sickening. You snake.

Wild Bill -
My sympathies are with the OP's family that have been shat on by the person who is meant to cover them.

Offred
You are deluded if you think your current situation will carry on as the children grow. Your X husband is in a bedsit and you in the family home with new boyfriend visiting all nice and cosy...for you. Your xH will meet a new woman at some stage, he will no longer want to live in a bedsit. He will no longer be coming to yours for breakfast and tea. He may eventually go on to have more children as is often the case nowadays and his finances will change. You may have to go back to work. You encourage the O poster to separate so his partner can be 'free to find happiness' but you haven't really done that with your xH. Let your XH be free to find happiness. You can co-parent well and amicably without sharing daily meals together. Seems you can't quite let go of the security blanket......He should be in your kids lives but not yours.

I reckon this is a wind up. If not, op, you sound like a fucknumpty and I hope your wife fucks off with a tom hardy lookalike with a massive cock.

WildBill - I see you are a new poster. Welcome. Lots of topics, if you ever tire of talking about sex. Camping? Sport and exercise? Behaviour and development?

So good you said it thrice!

TheDoctrineofsnatch - Thanks for the welcome.

I doubt I'll ever tire of talking about sex, However I do realize I'm in the minority here as one of the few posters who seem to enjoy it and consider it a huge part of a relationship.

I may venture onto other subjects when I look around the other boards though this board is a constant source of amazement and so all the more fascinating...................I have lurked for sometime.......

Some really fair comments on here. I've read thru them all. Some are obviously written (as I suspected) by people projecting their own shit; some making assumptions beyond belief; some desperate for any shade of grey to be made black or white NOW or the sodding world will fall in.

Some have made some really useful comments-so, thank you those who can see beyond the obvious and vacuous cliches.

However, in trying to be concise in the first place, I've missed some detail....

Neither my partner nor I have decided for sure how to work it all out. She knows about one of the affairs. There have been 3. I don't think she's been unfaithful, if she has, I wouldn't blame her and I wouldn't blame her for not telling me either. I get it. I don't need to know. Monogamy is bloody difficult I'd say.

I don't know if I've ever respected anyone all the time. I've no sense of duty-no allengence to anything other than something of merit.

I have no moral compass and doubt anyone who claims to.

We are at times happier than a lot of boring and bored couples we socialise with. I'm bored with property prices, what sodding car someone drives, what school their kids are getting into, how well little johnnies doing....

Inside, my soul sings at times. We laugh. We share. We joke. We play games. My kids are assertive testaments to how well we (but admittedly, mainly mum) have brought them up.

We are all wasting our time. Don't waste your time on a piece of turd. He doesn't even have the icing on the top of his turd to entice a decent human being. 175 posts in just one evening? Nah! I get more fun sticking pins in my eyes.