Our relationship started being less sexual after our 2nd child. It was never the best sex I'd (or I'm sure she'd) had. We work well as a team. At the time I'd come out of a heavily sexual relationship-where the girl I was with was extremely highly sexed-as was I.
Now, we don't even sleep in the same room. I snore and come to bed late. She likes to go to bed early. We don't excite or may not even fully find each other attractive anymore.
Things have been going really well for us both with our careers but we have really grown apart and barely even manage to encourage each other anymore.
I've had a few affairs since our children were born. - they completely took me unawares. I just got chatting to a lovely woman who was passionate about food and cooking, it got late, I walked her home and we tore each other's clothes off outside her flat. I was clear that I only wanted sex. She said she was ok with this, but after about 6 months, she told me she'd fallen in love with me. I called it off-there was no way I was leaving my partner (we've been together 16 years, but not married).
Things were ok again for a while but then I found I really fell for a woman I was working with. We had great sex and really enjoyed each other. So much, that I was on the verge of leaving my partner for her. She however called it off and said that she wished she hadn't gotten involved-it was all too much at a time when she was mourning her brother's death and my situation.
My partner has clearly picked up that all is not well with us; probably knows that I've been unfaithful and right now thinks I'm just selfish and not giving enough time and thought to her and the children.
Neither of us want to rush into a situation we both regret. It'll be me that has to go. We have all our assets tied together, still show signs of fancying each other, still enjoy the comfort we get from coming home to someone after a hard day and knowing that there is money in the bank, good food on the table, happy confident children.
I cannot bare to leave my kids and I've seen how she struggles (as I do) when dealing with them/work etc all alone.
Yet, we both miss intimacy. We both miss sex. I have been seeing someone else. Typical cliche-she's much younger, sexy, extremely intelligent and beautiful. I don't want to start all over again-as flattering as all this attention is. But, it's not just an ego trip. It's not just sex. This woman offers a whole new experience and we only have one life.
I had a health scare a few years ago and it has made me realise how short life is to be unhappy or cause unhappiness.
My partner and I are unhappy with each other. There was a time when we were in love. Part of me felt as though I'd compromised on the sex issue-but I found sexy women difficult to cope with full time. No doubt she compromised a fair bit too.
We both love our kids so much and they will be taken care of however which way we go.
I don't want to trap my partner into accepting me as a man who has affairs. She wouldn't let that happen anyway. I don't even want to be a man that has affairs. I just want a good sex life, with passion and intense lovemaking. How do you sustain that over the years?
Is it wrong to deny yourself this?
We've been in this limbo for 6 months and there is no obvious direction to go in.
I'm not looking for advice I don't think. Just want to have a frank, open and honest conversation with someone going through the same.
If you're going to senselessly judge and transfer all your own frustrations with your partner, please don't. I'm not interested. If you intelligently want to share some ideas and experiences that are relevant, mature and 'modern' you're very welcome....