Offred This is not a political discussion section. This is a man telling you of his personal life. Why can't you give him SOME decency and respect? That is respecting his RIGHT as a person. The right is where he commented that he felt jealousy at seeing other families and a loving partner together. The right to want to have sex with his wife as an intimate couple. The right to have a supportive partner also and one that is proud of him.
I will admit that I too did project. I shall own up to that. But then I also stepped back too because of what some other female posters wrote. I then had to use stronger will to override my own feelings and take on this situation from a "what would I do if this was me", to a "If I was this man, then what would I feel". This difference is hard to comprehend and to try, but I hope that the OP understand and appreciates what is being asked of others too. I really can't do it too well.
What I do know is though, I came to the MN site because of another heavy going hateful (let's be honest here and call it what it is) fight, one thread related to prostitution, another related to my desire to want sympathies on being harassed by some bisexuals on the dating site, and not actually getting this. I then was "targetted" by these male posters to say that I should "consider" this woman. I was horrified, and felt repulsed. I also then started to think whether there is an issue with myself, just like the OP did here. (What if indeed the situation is that she is a homosexual? Why are other females here advocating that he should sleep with her despite this fact, if indeed this becomes a true fact?) I do not know if the OP felt marginalised or not, but I certainly did, and in the end, I was harassed out of that forum.
That is why I found the MN as a sanctuary and I felt relieved to be here, to be heard, to get sympathies from other females, to ground me and my worldview. I appreciate this an awful lot. The same negative thing happened on that forum for me,as did for the OP here. I was called a "nutter", and then also, they mentioned that they want to "legalise prostitution" and so forth and that I should as a female "stay out" of that discussion or not to moan or to protest as it has got nothing to do with me. I see the poor OP to be subjected to this kind of thing here also but reversed the other way. Only 2 men from that other heavy political forum took what I wrote seriously, the rest just rejected what I wrote, and called me "hysterical" and "out of touch" because I did not write in a way which actually fit their mould. As I said, I was raised differently... and this is definitely a cultural thing because displaying vulnerability is not a crime. It is also not a crime to even say things like, "I am a 36 year old woman, and I am scared and not know what to say to reject a 24 year old bisexual" without someone telling me that I am actually a homophobe or whatever the term is.
I do feel sorry for the OP. If indeed his wife turns out to not be a heterosexual, then yes, I also agree that he has been misled up the garden path so to speak. That itself is not fair. I had to step away from this thread and the influences of other females to truly think whether I am then not supporting females by saying that. It truly conflicts with something inside of me too to not stand up for the female gender this way. But I also felt for the OP here in this instance. He should not have to suffer, and yes, as much as I did not wanted to side with the idea of divorce, but if the marriage was based on 2 people who are of different sexuality, then I too think he should file for a divorce.
For a moment, have you ever considered that we are actually external strangers advicing this poor man on how to handle his wife? Can you see it from that angle also too? If he is a heterosexual man, and we are advicing him to have sex or co-erce sex on a homosexual woman. Can you consider self censorship and see the bloomin obvious ??!?! Reduce feminism theories and SEE the man and SEE what he is writing !