Not had sex for almost two years

[Olliedelondon]

I very much love my DW. Before we had our two children, we had a reasonable sex life, although I would always initiate. But since our children we have had very little sex (once every four months maybe) and nothing at all for now almost two years. My DW says that I am unreasonable in my 'needs' and that I should focus all my attentions on looking after the children. But I think it's destroying our marriage and I'm not prepared to sacrifice a sex life and frankly don't see why I should. I also don't think she fancies me. At all. Am I unreasonable? What should I do? I have 'got by' by using pornography in secret. I have also started fantasising about attractive colleagues, although I have never had an affair. The sexual frustration I feel is almost painful...Help?

And the logic that I don't take sexist stuff my bf might say seriously but I'm obsessed with sexism to be ranting at him about it? Huh?

Oh my god, your now equating being aroused by two adults having sex as being a nonce. How ridiculous. For a start, watching nonce porn is illegal, adult porn isnt. You'd have no idea unless a criminal act was being committed that someone was aroused by children.

And no, I didn't do anything of the sort, again you have twisted and put your own spin on what you misinterpreted I said. 'Sneering' at people over what motherhood is like? I don't think so. I stated plenty of people have more than 2 children and still have intimacy and sex in their relationships and several posters who DID have children agreed with me.

No, I'm not.

I'm saying what I said which was that it is appropriate to judge what someone is aroused by when it is harmful to society.

Enjoying the ridiculousness of this now

Possibly might take back the comment about you being rational!

You said a lot more than that including a lot about martyrdom and it not being difficult... But again, it is there to be read!

What about technology? No one NEEDS an I Phone.

I never said you didnt take sexist stuff he said seriously, it sounds like you take it too seriously. I said does your bf genuinely believe what he said, or was he making a joke? Theres a difference to me!

I will add to your nonce argument that a large amount of porn is consenting adults, a child cannot consent so child porn is automatically abuse. I never denied some porn of adults isnt abusive, I know it is, but your argument is that all porn is default bad and you'd look down on anyone who watched any type of porn, and I find that highly judgemental and shocking, and believe it shows deep insecurities.

22 I have not addressed you about your time as an escort

Stop goading, it's most unedifying and I am a little bit embarassed for you

Oh yes, how some women want and have children then develop a woe is me attitude about how hard it is (when people always tell you having kids is hard work!). People do the same with work, they get a high paying job that requires a lot then complain and moan about how hard done by they are. Its human nature I believe.

Also, during those posts people posted their experience (one was a 3rd degree tear and prolapse?) and I did not deny it at all I merely stated the OP had not said anything of the sort had happened with his wife, and I was replying to HIS predicament!

None of that was 'sneering at womens experiences of motherhood', you are truly the biggest misinterpreter word twister ever!

Its quite unedifying to just join a thread posting bitchy comments with another poster but not actually adding anything at all to the debate at hand. You literally havnt even joined the discussion, just continued posting stupid, bitchy, immature comments about banging heads off desks or whatever. If you've nothing at all to bring to the conversation, then why post? Grow up, your not a teenager in the school yard.

Your trying to equate ALL adult porn with being damaging to society like child sexual abuse? Are you fucking serious here?

People with viewpoints like yours are dangerous to the people's freedoms. I cannot believe you equate the filming of the sexual abuse of an innocent child with being the same as two consenting adults filming themselves making love. Mental!!

Hi Just popping in to say I did get a roasting off Offred on another thread for cheating. Which is fair enough What I did was wrong even though it was out of despair and being starved of affection for a long time. When a partner doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you I find that controlling tbh. And I don't mean the temporary cessation of sex after childbirth. But when it drags on for years.
I think what Offred (hope ive worded this right) meant was when there is deceit behind the cheating.
3 or 4 years ago DH did agree to an open marriage of sorts (albeit begrudgingly) I broke up with ex OM in early 2008 and haven't had any sex or intimacy since then
Im also really depressed about being in my 40s now I DONT like it. I have lost over 2 stone recently. I went back to comfort eating after splitting with OM (drugs and alcohol have never interested me tbh) but now only have another stone or so to lose before I am the same size as I was when me and OM split. I have gone from a size 22 to a 16/18 since last August. When I met OM I had lost a lot of weight and just turned 30 I have been here before. So if someone else DOES happen along I know the early signs. But this time I will be honest Which wont be easy coming from an emotionally abusive misogynistic Catholic background where women aren't allowed pleasure. Of the social or sexual kind.

Hope you're enjoying all this Ollie!

It was this kind of thread that piqued my curiosity about feminism, and the porn industry. I've learnt a lot since then, and if its any help I've found erotic literature to be a perfectly adequate replacement to porn. Of course that maybe because I'm lazy and unimaginative!

I have explained that my issue with porn is an issue with consent. 'Real' porn because you can't ensure it's provenance and manufactured porn because the exchange of money undermines consent so yes for me, beyond the issue of what porn depicts about women, all porn is default bad.

Beyond the moral objection (and there are plenty of other things I object to - you may want to prepare to deploy a "you're uptight" insult) I understand that some porn users may not be affected by what is portrayed and that some users may not have a poor understanding of consent but I don't consider it a risk worth taking with my own sexual experience. Which is my choice. I accept most people will have watched porn but I seek relationships with people who share my beliefs about it. If you want to believe that makes me insecure I'm not particularly arsed!

Why are you worrying about my bf? He read an article about it and was teasing me but has a poor understanding of physiology so we were mainly arguing over what the research scientist's quote meant.

By the way, YOU might personally think porn is damaging to society, but the fact is a large amount of people don't. The same cannot be said for child sexual abuse, fgs.

No not like as in the same... like as in also damaging...

So you dont have an issue with porn if everyone involved has consented?

I don't agree all porn is bad, me and my DP have made homemade porn and sold it, it has only ever benefitted. We received all the money from it, how can this be a bad thing? See, you want to curtail people's liberties due to your own feelings of morality when they are hurting no one and that is scary and a dangerous road to go down.

Some people don't think child abuse is damaging... That's the problem with being all cool and non-judgemental and liberal, you basically quite often permit and promote abuse.

I have also implored darkest on many occasions, both on and off board, to leave her intimacy-with holding partner .

Keepit I recently read Valentina by Evie Blake I think you would like it.

Ah. Maybe start a new thread OP. This one belongs to 22honey and Offred now!

You can't give effective legal consent when you are making a financial transaction. It is the same with the whole of the sex industry so whilst I don't think you and dp were damaged I think you are supporting a damaging industry.

Hi AF

You don't think, coming from someone without children talking to women who are expressing their experiences of motherhood "how some women want and have children then develop a woe is me attitude about how hard it is (when people always tell you having kids is hard work!). People do the same with work, they get a high paying job that requires a lot then complain and moan about how hard done by they are. Its human nature I believe." I sneery?!

Cheers Darkest will check it out when my libido returns.

Yeeeeeesssss Gatorade but I think the op was a wind up really with that big drip feed at the end. Find it a little unbelievable that his wife could have actually displayed lesbian behaviour in front of him but he neglected to mention it as the reason he thinks she doesn't like sex with him.