Not had sex for almost two years

[Olliedelondon]

I very much love my DW. Before we had our two children, we had a reasonable sex life, although I would always initiate. But since our children we have had very little sex (once every four months maybe) and nothing at all for now almost two years. My DW says that I am unreasonable in my 'needs' and that I should focus all my attentions on looking after the children. But I think it's destroying our marriage and I'm not prepared to sacrifice a sex life and frankly don't see why I should. I also don't think she fancies me. At all. Am I unreasonable? What should I do? I have 'got by' by using pornography in secret. I have also started fantasising about attractive colleagues, although I have never had an affair. The sexual frustration I feel is almost painful...Help?

hi DE

You actually think though that the damage incurred by adult porn is anywhere near the level of damaged caused by child sexual abuse?

Its only an opinion of yours that it is damaging aswell, its universally accepted and proven child sexually abuse is damaging.

Yes keep and darkest I do wish you would leave, but I do know from experience tis easier to say than do.

KIH what have you done with your libido !

You didn't take my advice did you < hard stare >

No, and I didn't say that.

You said you don't think it is appropriate to judge what others get aroused by. I made the point about child sex abuse because it is universally accepted as something to judge to illustrate the point that it is perfectly appropriate to judge things people are aroused by.

I think porn is damaging to consent and society and therefore make judgements about people who are aroused by it. You don't need to agree with that but you're making some silly assumptions about me and what I think when my view is a perfectly valid one.

I dont think its sneery to think some people can develop a woe is me attitude, no.

The argument that a small amount of people (paedophiles, almost 100% and even then not every paedophile watches or is ok with child pornography- research the subject) don't see a problem with child abuse material is irrelevant to the fact thinking adult porn is damaging is only a mere opinion of yours that is not that widespread. Where is the studies or proof it causes damage, and what damage is this? We all know what damage child abuse does.

DH is currently undergoing tests as they found a coin lesion on his lung.

Well I'm impressed to see this thread still in full swing - I guess we've completely given up on helping Ollie....

22honey

"If you knew half as much about porn and male sexuality as you think you do, you would know that porn is not replacing in any way shape of form intimacy with his wife. It simply is not about that at all, men crave true intimacy and sex just as much as women, porn is nothing but mere fantasy stimulation to serve a purpose and yes, its a symptom of the lack of intimacy in his life."

Exactly. And more succinctly put than I managed.

You still cannot comprehend the huge difference between being disgusted by child porn and feeling the same about adult porn. It is legal for consenting adults to film sex, so yes I think its shocking you believe you can judge legal, consenting adult behaviour.

Yes some things should be judged, those that cause harm and really dont involve consent like beastiality and paedophilia, two adults consenting to sex (and many people make the choice to consent to sex for money, and thats none of your business tbh) does not mandate any judgement, and its extremely snotty and moralistic to judge it.

If you cant see the huge differences between adult and child porn there is something wrong with you.

Erm how have you missed all the studies on the damage done by porn? I thought you watched that (albeit not a study) program on bbc3 which talked about the issues and earlier admitted what the young people learned about sex from it was not very nice but then said you thought they grew out of it.

I dont need to agree with it, but you could do to prove it (that porn is damaging to society) if you want to be taken seriously when comparing it to child sexual abuse.

DE that sounds rather concerning

You know you are going to end up being his carer, don't you, love ? That man who has with held care and affection of you for years and years.

Where have you got the idea that I can't see the difference between adult porn and child porn.

Would you like me to not bother writing any responses so you can write them for me?

I've not compared it to child sex abuse. You said you don't think it is right to judge what people are aroused by. I deliberately picked something shocking I knew you would judge to illustrate the point that you do think you should judge what people are aroused by.

Yes, because I'm going to change my opinion based on on a silly scaremongering documentary presented by someone so ridiculously naive and lacking in knowledge it was laughable.

Same as I don't take seriously mainstream TV programs about drug issues, always one sided with a particular agenda and very little scientific fact to back them up,

Your claim is you are in the right to judge those watching consenting adult porn because it is necessary to judge people watching child porn.

No-one's saying you need to change your opinion just stop being so arrogantly judgemental and sneery about other people who have different opinions to you

No.... My claim is that it is right to judge what people are aroused by when it is damaging to society. You claimed it was not right to judge what people are aroused by and I wondered how far you would take that opinion. I guessed it would not be as far as thinking being aroused by children was ok.

I think porn is damaging to society. You don't need to.

The claim is incorrect because there is solid proof that child sexual abuse is damaging to society, whether the idea that adult porn is is merely an opinion of yours, and not something that is either a widespread opinion or proven fact.

But yes, it is ok to judge what people are aroused by if it is beyond all doubt everytime illegal, doesnt involve consent and damaging to the individual. Adult porn needn't be any of these things, and the idea about money and consent is a mute point, a person can consent to having sex for money and it is still consent providing that person is mentally sane, sound and well and capable of making their own decisions, and doesn't have anything influencing their decision like drug addiction.

AF I have the lovely MNers on here who have been so supportive to me in the past and I will contact a local carers group should I need to.

Im willing to bet I will come across others who have been through or who are going through similar I also confided in someone in my slimming class who (like you) listened to me without judgement.

You say its ok for you to judge something that is damaging to society, but where is your proof adult porn IS damaging to society? There isn't any, so therefore its not ok to judge, no? I accept its your opinion, that is not my point at all.

"just stop being so arrogantly judgemental and sneery about other people who have different opinions to you"

Oh the irony...

Good luck, DE

I do wish you would release yourself from that burden Darkest. It does make me sad to hear you preparing to join a carers group :(

I wish that too

DE I presume you have researched coin lesions ? It's not good.

My advice is to escape, while you still can.

I can't imagine many things more soul destroying than to nurse the harbinger of so much shaos and hurt in my life