Not had sex for almost two years

[Olliedelondon]

I very much love my DW. Before we had our two children, we had a reasonable sex life, although I would always initiate. But since our children we have had very little sex (once every four months maybe) and nothing at all for now almost two years. My DW says that I am unreasonable in my 'needs' and that I should focus all my attentions on looking after the children. But I think it's destroying our marriage and I'm not prepared to sacrifice a sex life and frankly don't see why I should. I also don't think she fancies me. At all. Am I unreasonable? What should I do? I have 'got by' by using pornography in secret. I have also started fantasising about attractive colleagues, although I have never had an affair. The sexual frustration I feel is almost painful...Help?

*chaos

Darkest - Listen to these folks, you're in a far worse place than me I know. MN is great for support, but RL is always be there.

AF - No I didn't. [Blush]

At my salon appointment today the talk turned to internet porn.
The young woman doing my wax was only 20 but told me that young lads she was at school with were watching internet porn on their phones at the back of classrooms 9 years ago.

And on nights out she and her friends have experienced men trying to shove cameras up their skirts to take photos or pretending they have dropped something on the floor so they can take a snap.

There were around 40,000 papers about the damage done by porn submitted to the govt review. Viewing and creating of porn is quite strictly regulated where it is commercial precisely because it is recognised to be damaging. The problem is it is quite a difficult area to study as, incidentally, are the effects of child sex abuse (although this is slightly easier than porn).

You clearly don't want me to believe that porn is damaging, I'm not sure why me believing that is so threatening to you that you refuse to allow me to express that view?

I'm not preventing you from expressing a view except to criticise where you have sneered at other people unjustifiably.

That's ok, KIH, may people don't

*many

My typing is poor tonight

Yes darkest my boss around 9 years ago spent all day in the office looking at porn and making all the employees join in so he felt better about himself. I think the sex ed woman on that (yes rubbish tv and unrepresentative but interesting nonetheless) said porn use exploded around 2002 in her experience with wide access to the Internet coming in then.

I took AF's advice... About a year later!

AF In a way my own family and their attitudes towards it have been far more hurtful.
When he had his heart attack in 2006 my DMs attitude was that I should stay inside and not go anywhere. As he couldn't be left alone Its my familys attitude im more worried about. If I need to I will contact Womens Aid if there are any similar developments in the future. As well as the carers group.

Yes Good Luck, DE - if that's all you know so far then there's no need to get despondent just yet. But make sure you take care of yourself.

I know DE

It took me years to take my own advice

Offred that sounds about right. I was working in a sex chatline office from early 2001 to May 2003 and the amount of calls we received had started to seriously drop off
The arrival of super fast broadband probably contributed too.

Thanks AF.

Red, I've still got 11 months to go then!

Thankyou everyone I am always touched by the support I receive on here.

Eeee.... Sounds so tough DE. I don't know the situation with your family properly but is there no way you can go LC (low contact) or NC?

Ha ha! Keep well technically it was 10 months I think from the relationship with xh being diagnosed a beyond repair and me actually ending it so perhaps only 9 months.

Offred things seem ok at the moment but any shit like last time and I shall do.

I can relate as recently I have gone from NC to LC with my parents in order to try and get inbetween them and my 89 year old grandma who is now living in a flat in their house and being subjected to their crap.

Yesterday I was invited round because I wasn't well and my mum said she could look after my twins while I rested and my dad was unexpectedly there. He basically spent the whole day emotionally abusing her and a little my children and me with her making excuses for it. I felt almost ashamed to admit to bf that I'd been because he is so supportive of me over it.

He knows what they are like, he identifies straight away when they are out of order, sometimes when I don't see it and he really thinks I should not get involved with them again and my grandma is not my responsibility given there are three other grandchildren and her children to care for her.

I'm the most available and nearby so I do think it is up to me. But he does understand it is not that easy. I feel a little ashamed of myself every time I'm upset and asking him to comfort me but he's so kind and supportive and never makes me feel bad - I just know he is right.

I wish that you could have someone with you like that really getting it from both sides must be so hard.

Darkesteyes - sorry to read about your husband. It sounds like it could be grim so I hope it is not as bad as you fear. Take care of yourself.

Oh Off im so sorry. that must be bloody frustrating as well as hard.

You have NO reason to feel ashamed.
I feel guilty at times because DH will do things like he did recently. Like sort me out a laptop because my old one was Vista Or buy me an mp3 for Easter(which he put Roxette on (I was never one of the cool kids) cos he knows im dieting and cant eat chocolate.

He does loads of things except touch me but because its been so many years there are no feelings like that anymore anyway. We are more like best friends. And then I feel guilty for it and for moaning on here.

Thanks Bertha

Yes, you know he isn't your best friend though don't you? Not really.

Please post all your evidence porn is damaging. I accept in certain cases is it damaging, you argument is that it all is, 100%. You do realise it provides many people's income? Are you actively hoping to make people workless because of your own sense of morality? Leave more women in poverty and push them into prostitution and other sex work because they can no longer work in porn?

Ask any sex worker and they will tell you taking their income away is the one thing that wont ever help them. But you dont care about the women truly suffering and being exploited in sex work do you? You care about all the little wifeys and girlfriends at home who might feel a bit upset and fat and insecure that hubbies whacking off to porn. Same thing with women like that, they denounce the sex industry in the name of women being exploited etc but their real scorn comes out like it did with SimpleSusan before ie 'a woman who fucks other womens husbands'- because thats what they truly object to, its the insecurity of the situation and the fact it may affect THEM in the form of their DH being a consumer of the industry in some way that they hate...They couldnt give less of a shit about the women being abused and having their body exploited. I fully accept the industry is exploitive in many ways but do not accept it is harmful and damaging 100%. Thats not true.

Stop trying to change my opinion, I have real raw experience in the sex industry you will never and do not have, I still agree with some of your points but others are just ludicrous. And you know what, if I cant comment on a womans life cos shes a mother and im not you cannot comment on the sex industry because you are not a part of it and have never been therefore are clueless (and sorry but the vast majority of people who have never been involved are really really clueless)

And I have already said I have no issue whatsoever that it is your opinion porn is damaging, just have to point out that that has not been proven and is merely a matter of personal opinion.

I prefer choice for women on whether they want to work in porn etc or not and real, proper support including financial to help women out of the industry if thats what they or other people like yourself want to happen. Unless your willing to provide the financial means and other support women will need once you take their income away from them then you have no right to say it should be banned or anything similar.