Please Read (Social Services)

[Rivah]

Hello

(Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong category and sorry for the bad grammar, I am using my phone)

Feeling quiet alone right now and would appreciate some kind advice please.

I am a mother of 2 boys age 5&6 there father was recently remanded in custody,

I got a phone call from his aunt yesterday she told me that he wants the boys to go and stay with her until he gets out, because he “doesn’t trust me with them” he is only doing this out of spite because I stopped him from seeing the boys. (Due to him leaving them at places, and taking them to places where children shouldn’t be going to, and exposing other women to them)

I have told his aunt that I will not give them to her and that they are staying with me, now she has threatened to call social services.

I was admitted into hospital last year where I spent 6 weeks due to having an emotional breakdown during early stages of my breakdown I had the home treatment team come and visit me daily. There was a day (when it was decided I should go into hospital for a break) I was really low, my symptoms were (low mood, continuously crying, not eating) I wasn’t doing this in front of the boys. They said that they were concerned about the welfare of the boys and got in contact with social services who came and paid a visit, they had no concern about my living conditions, but they were concern about the boys staying with me whilst I was feeling the way I was.

So I called for their father’s aunt to come and get them (We were close at the time) she helped me a lot with my recovery which I am very grateful for.

Since my Boys father has been in custody my eldest is like another child (both of them are usually so well behaved) he has started being very aggressive, hitting me and his little brother, swearing, not listening etc.

Today I took the two of them out with a friend of mine I didn’t want to due to the way he has been behaving but it wouldn’t be fair on my 5 year old, he played up all day we all just choose to ignore him, until punched his little brother in the face in a shop knocking him to the floor, I couldn’t ignore that, I was so angry I slapped him I didn’t mean to slap him as hard as I did.

I am really worried now in case EX’s aunt calls social services and my son tells them that I hit him, me and her are not on good terms anymore and she can be very devious.

So could I please have some help with how to deal with my Sons behaviour he hasn’t stopped since we got in this evening, and he is just getting worst by the day.(Worried that I might have another break down) And please some help in how to deal with Social Services if they pay me a visit.
Thanks for reading

Who were the three people?

is auntie worried you are having a break down.
i am upset with this thread. how are your children op?

Today is a bank holiday. Social services won't turn up today unless it's a serious child protection risk. Most offices will be closed apart from the emergency duty service.

is your auntie worried about you?

Its Good Friday, its highly unlikely to be social services today unless it is a dire emergency that they have been informed of by other professionals. I can assure you that your situation would not be considered an emergency. Even if it was they would still probably only come in working hours 9 - 5, not 7.50 in the morning.

Calm down, have a look at the child protection resource website www.childprotectionresource.org.uk and make a plan of which agencies you need to contact on Tuesday to get some support for you and your boys. You might be surprised that social services may want to help you. They absolutely won't want to take your children away from you unless you are harming them.

GiddyUp I think the 3 other people were family members or friends as they were all the same color and didn't look like professionals. She is not worried about me, she just wants to take my boys. DS2 is in front of the television watching a DVD and DS1 has gone upstairs

I think phoning the police was the right thing to do.

Who were the other people and what did they do?

Sorry, cross-post.

Im glad he wasn't violent - the verbal abuse isn't nice, but its a step up from yesterday. Can you go speak to him if he's upstairs alone? Just tell him that at the moment you and auntie aren't friends, you are keeping him safe, and hopefully some grown Ups will be able to help, but you love him and he will be safe with you?

Do you mean that your Children's Paternal family are a different skin colour to you?

GiddyUp Yes their skin colour is different from mine

Has the Aunt recently moved to the UK? Maybe the laws from elsewhere are different and she has no idea what she is suggesting is wrong. Maybe the police telling her she is wrong will stop it all.

GiddyUp My boys father Jamaican so is his Aunt she hasn't been here for very long maybe 3 years (They can be very intimidating) My family are from the Dominican Republic

Ok, so maybe this is a cultural thing where it is ok behaviour possibly in Jamaica? She maybe needs to learn from the Police it is not legally or culturally ok to behave that way here.

GiddyUp I don't know, but I have seen her be very demanding!

Just keep doing what you are and don't engage, don't answer the door or speak to her. Just contact the police if she comes back. She sounds very determined, coming alone then with a gang. Were the gang Men or Women?

I am so glad you've called the police. Well done.

Seriously, you need to take control and get outside help working for you, not hiding from it and letting that aunt woman use it against you.

You've done a big thing today. Can you feel a little bit proud? It's important to let yourself feel good when you've done a good thing - I suspect there's not much feeling good about yourself happening at the moment.

Now, please carry on the good work you started last night, where you showed some love and support towards your older son.

I'm sure he's being testing today again, but can you just squeeze in a few hugs, or ruffling hair, or smiles at him?

He's not doing it to hurt you or ds2, he's not the enemy, although he's very very hard work for you just now.

GiddyUp 2 men and 1 other lady. Sorry for the late reply really not coping, DS1 has trashed his bedroom, television is broken and he has smashed his brothers iPad DS2 is napping I don't know what to tell him when he wakes :( he is going to be devastated, talking to him is really not helping as he will not listen. I feel like cutting myself to take away some of the pain, I am going to try my best not to.

Ring Women's Aid.

Or ring Samaritans.

Or ring Social Services.

Or write on here.

Miscellaneous. What have I got to feel proud about? I am letting him abuse his younger brother and break his things. I will not be giving him any kisses or cuddles or smiling at him today, how can I when he is behaving the way he is?

Because you love him no matter what and you don't like his behaviour, he has control over his behaviour, he can change it.

Don't mention the ipad, tidy that away and don't mention it until it comes up.

Do not tidy up anymore, unless it is dangerous, leave his mess and ask him to clean it up.

I think that Offred's words are worth repeating,

If you're intent on refusing to show love to him and on blaming him for your inability to cope things are only going to get worse. You need to separate the way you feel about how he is behaving from the way you feel about him. It is understandable that you might not be able to get a grip on this straight away after something as awful as what he just did but you seem to feel it is ok to hate and punish him and he is pushing you and ds2 further and further away as a consequence. You are the one who has the power to change this situation, he does not. He's just subject to whatever you decide to do. You've got several avenues of support available - SS, the school nurse, the GP, women's aid and your local CAF. You can try them all. Check with children's centres too because some have widened their remit to older ages by combining funding under council cuts

OP your behaviour is concerning. You need to get some support.

Because its not fixed overnight. He is craving love, attention and stability. Give him the love. You never withdraw love as punishment.

Giddy I will be taking his iPad and give it to DS2, VelmaD I am not giving him any love whilst he is acting like this. If he continues I will take him to his aunts and leave him there, I am not letting him ruin the rest of DS2s Easter holiday. I am not letting him get away with this, I appreciate all your help and advice but I'm going to have to do things my way.

Fair enough, take the IPAD today, do it so they don't notice, put it away and deal with the IPAD's another day, you have enough to deal with today.

If you make a big deal about the IPAD you will be creating drama, when you have the child and the Aunt causing enough drama as it is. It would be pretty cruel to add to it with cutting yourself or bringing the IPADS to anyone's attention.

I hope it is anger speaking and you don't say things like that your ds.

I would agree to phone SS emergency line now and ask for some help this weekend, I am concerned for the welfare of your family.