Please Read (Social Services)

[Rivah]

Hello

(Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong category and sorry for the bad grammar, I am using my phone)

Feeling quiet alone right now and would appreciate some kind advice please.

I am a mother of 2 boys age 5&6 there father was recently remanded in custody,

I got a phone call from his aunt yesterday she told me that he wants the boys to go and stay with her until he gets out, because he “doesn’t trust me with them” he is only doing this out of spite because I stopped him from seeing the boys. (Due to him leaving them at places, and taking them to places where children shouldn’t be going to, and exposing other women to them)

I have told his aunt that I will not give them to her and that they are staying with me, now she has threatened to call social services.

I was admitted into hospital last year where I spent 6 weeks due to having an emotional breakdown during early stages of my breakdown I had the home treatment team come and visit me daily. There was a day (when it was decided I should go into hospital for a break) I was really low, my symptoms were (low mood, continuously crying, not eating) I wasn’t doing this in front of the boys. They said that they were concerned about the welfare of the boys and got in contact with social services who came and paid a visit, they had no concern about my living conditions, but they were concern about the boys staying with me whilst I was feeling the way I was.

So I called for their father’s aunt to come and get them (We were close at the time) she helped me a lot with my recovery which I am very grateful for.

Since my Boys father has been in custody my eldest is like another child (both of them are usually so well behaved) he has started being very aggressive, hitting me and his little brother, swearing, not listening etc.

Today I took the two of them out with a friend of mine I didn’t want to due to the way he has been behaving but it wouldn’t be fair on my 5 year old, he played up all day we all just choose to ignore him, until punched his little brother in the face in a shop knocking him to the floor, I couldn’t ignore that, I was so angry I slapped him I didn’t mean to slap him as hard as I did.

I am really worried now in case EX’s aunt calls social services and my son tells them that I hit him, me and her are not on good terms anymore and she can be very devious.

So could I please have some help with how to deal with my Sons behaviour he hasn’t stopped since we got in this evening, and he is just getting worst by the day.(Worried that I might have another break down) And please some help in how to deal with Social Services if they pay me a visit.
Thanks for reading

I don't think it was a set-up, I think it was Jehovah's Witnesses.

OP remembering how you felt, wouldn't it have been better if they were coming because you had asked them to? Running away because of Jehovah's Witnesses would look a bit silly at best and be exhausting and scary at worst.

If someone you think is social services turn up again, this is what you should do.

First don't let them in. If you have a chain, open the door on the chain. If not, ask through the letterbox who they are. If they say they are SS, then say "I've had some harrassment from family members recently. You don't mind if I call the office? What name or reference number can I give them?" If the door is open on the chain, they should also be able to show you some ID, which will have the council's logo on it and say "Children's Services" not Social Services.

If they are genuine social services they will not mind you doing this, in fact it is a very GOOD sign which shows you're aware of correct procedures.

Look up the number of your local children's services office on the internet and call and ask to verify.

If they get angry or aggressive or start threatening call the police. Genuine social workers would not do this.

Please, you have to stop being afraid of all of the authorities and realise that even if you're not doing a perfect job right now, even if you're not handling everything very well right now, they want to help you. You are NOT the bad guy in this situation.

Giddy I can't take him anywhere, he is misbehaving as I type this but I will ignore his bad behaviour. Vivacia I am going take advice and stay at home

www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/angermgmt_general.aspx

For today, take everything in just 15 minute bursts. It won't seem so hard to get through if you only have to get through the next 15 minutes.

Maybe try to get them occupied in different parts of the house. Can you go out, play some sports to help channel the urge to throw/hit/compete. Take them swimming if they're strong enough swimmers for you to take them together - stay in the children's pool so you can be sure to intervene with any dangerous behaviour like pushing in/under, but splashing take as par for the course, help your DS to laugh it off. Try not to see everything as him being a victim - yes DS1 is struggling and acting out but some of it is just normal sibling stuff.

What's he doing right now?

Good, I think you need to be at home.

What about the advice earlier to ring Social Services or Women's Aid? I think that this is an emergency situation, you were in a bad place last night and I am worried that this morning is just a brief respite because you've all had some sleep and it's bright outside.

can you let your auntie help you? can you all go to your auntie's?

Op how random a knock on your door at 7.50am then you declare your leaving then you come back two hours later having gone nowhere.

Very bizarre. Sometimes children need protecting from their parents.

Hmmmmmm

Vivacia I am going to search WomansAid I only know a little bit about them. Quietlikely your comment has upset me, I panicked that's why I said I was going, but after reading advice from people on here who are taking the time out to support me when they don't have to, I am going to listen to them and stay put. I am and do protect my children, so please don't make comments like that. Slarty Auntie is their fathers aunt, I don't want anything to do with her.

Rivah, contact the non emergency police number and just log your aunts actions, saying you're worried if she tries again. Ring womens aid and ask for advice. Both will be open today as bank holiday. Write a letter to your ds school, explaining his situation and behaviour and asking for help, ready to deliver Tuesday when they go back. Take deep breaths and count to ten. Remove him silently from the room every time he misbehaves like that. Praise every good thing he does - mine live off praise at household chores weirdly, so get massive thanks for helping wash up or putting clean clothes away - entertains them and puts them in a good mood :-) are you on any medication? Can you ring an out of hours gp and explain and ask for antidepressants if not? Im glad you chose to stay.

And yes, I think most likely Jehovahs witnesses - this weekend they are often more prolific in their knockings.

Is it really likely that Jehovah's Witnesses would knock at that time of the morning on a Bank Holiday? Do they not receive enough of a frosty reaction from householders as it is?

Clam I had them knock at 8am on Easter sunday last year! My boyfriend used to be one and yes, they do knock like that. We had them knock early on Wednesday this week, but me telling them my boyfriend is a disgraced JW had them running quick.

The Easter weekend is a big thing for JWs isn't it? Isn't it where they differ massively from Christianity and Catholicism? I know round here they definitely knock more and believe me last year they got a short shrift from me at the Easter Sunday one!

They'd better not try here, that's all I can say!

What? Easter isn't a big thing for Christians? And Catholics aren't Christian??

No vivacia I meant dont their beliefs differ around what they believe of the Easter story and ressurrection? As in this is where they believe something different? (and I meant christian and catholic as in dont they differ slightly about the Easter story too?)

And Christians aren't required as part of their faith to knock on doors at the crack of dawn, trying to convert people.

They don't think Jesus is part of God like in the Shamrock. They say Jesus was a ransom. I get them knocking here. Never at 7.30am. They do dress as if going to an office.

OP, you followed the advice of the modelling good behaviour and apologising and it worked last night. Please follow the advice to phone 101 to report the harassment. Can you tell us what you plan to say to the police when you report and we can see if we can help you before you make the call?

I really don't think veiled troll hunting is helping the op.

Auntie has been back around, I ignored her knocks whilst DS1 tried to open the door to her. I have called 101 and reported her for harassment, if she shows up again I will call 999 straight away.

Is she turning up alone?

What did the police say to you when you phoned? What did the Aunt say when she knocked on the door?

Well done rivah. Did you tell her you were reporting her, or just ignore her? How was ds this time?

you definitely need to prewarn the school next week. Have it in writing that no one apart from you is allowed to pick the children up, that you have reported her for harrassment. Make sure she is removed as an emergency contact on your childrens school records too.

Joules no she was with 3 other people. GiddyUp They are going to send someone out to me, the person I spoke to said if she turns up again and I feel intimidated then to call 999. She was telling me to open the door!

VelmaD I just ignored her I didn't say anything. DS1 was trying to open the door to her, when she went away he didn't hit me just gave me a mouth full of verbal abuse telling me I am a "b*tch" he hates me, I should die, and he loves auntie and hates me. DS2 is saying he wants to go to Aunties house and play. She is not getting them