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Original poster

Last straw - Married Man - TMI

572 replies

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 18:50

I'm so sorry, I am in an affair (myself single). It is loving, I love him and he says the same wholeheartedly (I know the script, i've read up, I can't recognise it at the moment). Only recently have I pushed him to consider leaving his wife, though I previously thought I was okay with things as they were - loving attentive guy, real kindred spirits in every way but I have fallen deep so pushed things. Last night he came over, I thought to stay, we had anal sex (sorry for tmi) which I have never done, and then he left me on my own to go home to his wife. I'm feel so so gutted and used. He's texting all day please can we meet up, why aren't I talking to him but I feel dreadful, drained and dead.

OP posts:
WitchWay · 15/04/2014 21:24

What are you using for contraception apart from doing it up the bum ?

Original poster
heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:25

Mine Witch.

OP posts:
NurseyWursey · 15/04/2014 21:25

OP please end this now.

I don't know what much else to say.

OooOooTheMonkey · 15/04/2014 21:25

It's not just your actions though OP. He's quite obviously a bastard. You should have some self respect and get out of this "relationship" and to the clinic Hmm

FetchezLaVache · 15/04/2014 21:32

Tbh Winter, I wasn't expecting a reply (which is why I didn't phrase it as a question). I just wanted her to think about what this man might be doing to her sexual health. I think she replied not so much for the drama as due to a couple more scales falling from her eyes.

ElseaStars · 15/04/2014 21:32

Are you wanting a child with this man or do your have contraception?

WinterMuse · 15/04/2014 21:33

I can understand you can't tell us what you want. You probably want this man to leave his wife and be with you. If this does happen, you WILL WANT to know what was in his mind the night he went home after having anal sex with you. You will want to know what's in his head now and you will want the answer he would give you now, not later.
If he doesn't leave his wife and you continue like this, you will still want to know because otherwise you will carry on feeling used. It will only get worse.
If he doesn't leave his wife and you end it with him, you will want to know because you will need to know to get closure. You will need to hear it from him.
Talk to him. Ask him.

bobsleighteam · 15/04/2014 21:36

how long have you been together OP? In that time have you ever been to a wedding/party/social gathering together?
Have you ever been on holiday together? Have you been out with his friends?
If not these are the things that are part of a normal relationship, things you wont experience while you are with him?
Do you want children? to live with a partner? to get married?
These are the things you sacrifice in an affair. I feel for you but only you can make this better.

ElseaStars · 15/04/2014 21:38

You need to get an STI check asap :(

WinterMuse · 15/04/2014 21:40

OP, I can understand you can't tell us what you want because a - you'll get stoned and b - you are scared to say it out loud because if it doesn't happen, you have to deal with the fact that it didn't happen. If you don't say it out loud and it doesn't happen, you can still tell yourself you never wanted it to happen really.
By continue like this, I meant continue like this. I wasn't bring condescending. I'm sorry if it came across badly.

Fetchez, I didn't expect an answer either.

Original poster
heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:44

I either want to be with him Winter or want to find the strength to leave.

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 15/04/2014 21:45

You can find the strength to leave heartshaped It's as easy as not answering his calls and not letting him through the front door.

ElseaStars · 15/04/2014 21:50

Could you see yourself as a step mum OP?

Sallyingforth · 15/04/2014 21:50

He will NOT leave his family to be with you.

Either you break with him, or you will continue to be used and feel like shit. Your choice.

DeMaz · 15/04/2014 21:50

So, what are you going to do heartshaped??

WinterMuse · 15/04/2014 21:51

You need to talk to him. You need to ask him what is he planning to do. I am talking from experience.
My mistake was that I didn't say anything because I didn't want to push him away,I didn't want to be a copy of the nagging wife, I was scared of the answer. I then later realised that I wouldn't pushed him in rather than out. Instead, I had 2 years of excruciating pain.

YellowTulips · 15/04/2014 21:52

I tried in my last post to explain why I think you feel so bad OP.

You are just starting to realise that there is no happy ending here.

Even if you get him, it will come a price - one I don't think in the passion of your affair you have thought about.

He won't EVER be free of his wife. She is the mother of his children.

If he is a good man he will want to retain strong emotional and financial support to his FIRST family even if he is with you. This WILL impact you. How will you feel if when married to him and pregnant you have to go back to work because you can't as a couple afford for you to stop working due to the fact half his wage is going to his ex-wife and kids? Not exactly a romantic prospect is it?

If he doesn't support them - then what does that say about him as a person?

I know people in this position. It's rare anyone "wins" from this situation even when you get what you think you wanted.

I don't hate you. I feel very very sorry for you (but in full disclosure not half as sorry for you as his wife - whom has no say, knowledge or choice about what's going on).

My advice - end it and mean it.

If he says "ok - sorry it's over" which I suspect he will - then you have your answer. What was true love to you was a fuck for him. Move on, learn and leave MM alone.

WinterMuse · 15/04/2014 21:53

Would've not wouldn't
Being with someone who has kids from a previous relationship does not make you a stepmum. Makes you their dads partner.

ElseaStars · 15/04/2014 21:53

Let's say you get your wish and he leaves his wife you still won't be his main priority, his kids will. Could you handle that?

YellowTulips · 15/04/2014 21:59

OP - how old are the MM's children?

kinkyfuckery · 15/04/2014 21:59

OMFG, how can someone seriously come and post about consensually being fucked up the arse by a married man (with kids no less), and expect sympathy?
I hope he does leave his wife for you. You two deserve each other.

But, he'll likely do that same to you!

kinkyfuckery · 15/04/2014 22:01

You say in your title it's the "Last straw". Does that mean you are ending it?

ElseaStars · 15/04/2014 22:02

Kinky she's not sure.

Vivacia · 15/04/2014 22:06

I feel so sad for you OP. I hope you're ok.

Purpleroxy · 15/04/2014 22:07

You must find the strength to leave.

If your brother thinks you are brill, as you mentioned upthread, why do you have to settle for someone who uses you? Don't you deserve someone who is also brill? Try any number of ways of looking at it but this man is hurting you so you must stop him doing it.

Make sure you don't get pregnant (with reference to not using condoms). Because then he will likely reject you and any baby you have.