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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Last straw - Married Man - TMI

572 replies

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 18:50

I'm so sorry, I am in an affair (myself single). It is loving, I love him and he says the same wholeheartedly (I know the script, i've read up, I can't recognise it at the moment). Only recently have I pushed him to consider leaving his wife, though I previously thought I was okay with things as they were - loving attentive guy, real kindred spirits in every way but I have fallen deep so pushed things. Last night he came over, I thought to stay, we had anal sex (sorry for tmi) which I have never done, and then he left me on my own to go home to his wife. I'm feel so so gutted and used. He's texting all day please can we meet up, why aren't I talking to him but I feel dreadful, drained and dead.

OP posts:

Original poster

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:07

Thanks Finola. Very kind words

OP posts:

Alchemist · 15/04/2014 21:08

Off topic but PreciousBane is your name from the book? I loved it:).

FetchezLaVache · 15/04/2014 21:08

Just read this thread and all I can add is that I really fucking hope this prince among men is protecting the sexual health of you AND his wife by using condoms.

Original poster

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:09

Rebecca, I have addressed all the negative comments from Alchemist, bad and just - please give me any time I have appeared to 'enjoy the outrage'. trust me i'm not enjoying it sat here in tears. oh yes, woe is me, sympathy card, what a gloating cow

OP posts:

jonicomelately · 15/04/2014 21:09

Some poor women will have sex with her husband not realising he's recently had his penis penis up your ar**hole.

Original poster

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:10

no Fetchez :(

OP posts:

Original poster

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:11

great joni. very insightful post.

OP posts:

smokedgarlic · 15/04/2014 21:11

It's Mills and Boon stuff ...

Rebecca2014 · 15/04/2014 21:12

What is the point of you posting here? are you going to end it? Nooo, are you thinking about his wife and his children? nooo so why are you here?

All I seen you do is defend him and say how loving he is and how it isn't just sex.

Rebecca2014 · 15/04/2014 21:12

Some poor women will have sex with her husband not realising he's recently had his penis penis up your ar**hole.
*

lol, eww.

NurseyWursey · 15/04/2014 21:14

OP you've been asked time and time again what do you want to do, have you got a plan etc and you've ignored us. People are trying to help but you keep ignoring them. I don't know what you want from this thread.

OooOooTheMonkey · 15/04/2014 21:14

This is vile. OP get some self respect and leave this horrible man who is cheating on his wife. And there are kids involved? What are you doing! He just wants you for bum sex. If you can't see that then you're a complete mug. If he ever was to leave his wife for you (which he won't by the way) then he would only do the same to you. Once a cheat, always a cheat. What a complete bastard and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You should have known you were going to get a hard time on here OP. It will be hard but you really need to go NC with this awful man.

jonicomelately · 15/04/2014 21:15

I'm sorry heartshaped but that is the brutal reality of what you are doing.

badbaldingballerina123 · 15/04/2014 21:16

Op that is horrifying. You don't know his history , nor that of his wife. And he doesn't know yours. People will disagree , but I think having unprotected sex with a third person is a form of sexual abuse. His wife doesn't want a threesome with you.

This is going to get worse and worse until you are on your knees Op.

Original poster

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:17

Nursey - I'm not meaning to ignore. I'm wanting some sense knocked into me, a reality check, the strength to end it or tell him how I feel. I've got the first two.

OP posts:

Karenblixen · 15/04/2014 21:18

I completely fail to understand the whole concept of the OW - I mean how can you expect any decent behaviour from a guy who betrays his family?

WinterMuse · 15/04/2014 21:18

I did try to defend you OP but I am at a loss why you felt the need to answer to Fetchez in regards to the condoms issue. This is by no means a dig at Fetchez, quite the opposite. But OP- you did seem keen to add another aspect to the drama.

NurseyWursey · 15/04/2014 21:19

Oh dear god you haven't used protection? You had anal sex without protection. Oh OP :(

Fucking hell I really hope he didn't go home to his wife and have sex.

OP you need to fuck this bastard off.

IAmNotAMindReader · 15/04/2014 21:19

What??? Get yourself to your local clinic asap.

The more I hear about him the more of a tosser he becomes.

OP you know he isn't doing you any good and self flagellation using him as both your entire sense of self worth and self esteems destruction isn't going to go anywhere good.

I'm sure his wife is tying herself in knots wondering why he's being so distant but still physically present. He is probably destroying her self worth in a similar fashion to yours.

You also have to ask yourself are you sure you and his wife are the only people he is sleeping with.

It will be hard but you need time to examine why you felt a destructive relationship ticked all the right boxes for you.
Get some therapy and do not get involved with any new relationships until you work out why, as you will be vulnerable to it again, especially if it turns up in another guise. You may even find yourself re-evaluating existing friendships and relationships.

The point is to find a way you can put up boundaries which keep you emotionally healthy and have the strength to enforce them and recognise those who want to break them down are not people you should have in your life.

Original poster

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:19

I know. Sorry Winter. I know. I know.

OP posts:

Alchemist · 15/04/2014 21:20

Well, it is isn't it? Mills and boon MUST have this in their library:

MM with a wandering cock meets Nice Lady who offers her bottom. Then feels a bit used, sad and unsure while MM skips off home to get his washing done.

Classic love-story.

I am sorry for making you feel as though I find you are satan incarnate. I would suggest that this relationship is not at all good for you and I do hope, whatever happens, you find some peace.

I don't think it will be with this person.

Rebecca2014 · 15/04/2014 21:20

I hope if you do end it you tell his wife about him cheating and having sex unprotected.

I feel more and more sorry for his wife as this goes on :(.

OooOooTheMonkey · 15/04/2014 21:21

Oh woe is me OP. This makes hideous reading. I think you are revelling in the drama of it all.

FetchezLaVache · 15/04/2014 21:22

balding, I think anyone who disagreed with that hasn't properly understood thb.

Heartshaped, I am so pleased to hear you've had a reality check and some sense knocked into you. Now for the strength to end it or tell him how you feel.

...why would you tell him how you feel? Serious question, what outcome would you be hoping for as a result of doing that?

Original poster

heartshaped · 15/04/2014 21:24

I'm not loving the drama. I'm at an all time fucking low. Nothing I say can be right or justify my actions so pile it on if you feel the need.

OP posts:

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