I have to cancel this 'date', don't I?

[Hissy]

'met' this guy on OD site. Few messages, emails, couple of phone calls, not actually met up yet.

Have tentatively arranged a first meet on Thursday. In my mind all was ok, but then he's asked if i'd fancy a stroll in the lanes behind the restaurant we're meeting at.

For some reason this has thrown me completely. It goes against all the guides on safe dating. I know that area like the back of my hand as it goes, and even have friends who live there, but still... all I can think of is the Crimewatch reconstruction.

It's brought into sharp focus what I don't know about this guy:

His full name
Who he works for (apparently in same place as I live)
I know approximately where he lives, but not exactly
The email address he uses he told me he's set up specifically for OD contact
He doesn't have a mobile that works in the house, and he's not allowed to take it to work
Considering the mobile network issues, I don't have his home number either, but not sure if that's relevant. He doesn't have mine either, but has my mobile.

On his OD profile, it mentions somewhere that he finds it hard to trust people

The profile was set up on eHarmony, but he never became a full member. There's no photo, i've not seen one.

I sent him the pic from my profile, as you can't see them either unless you're a member (only realised this recently) he never commented at all on my photo, and hasn't sent one back.

Until the 'would you consider a stroll' comment, I was prepared to meet him. Now i'm not at all sure.

Am I being over cautious? Am I allowing my paranoia from previous abusive relationships cloud this?

I have a DS, if anything happened to me, the options he has for ongoing care are dire! Abusive dad (abusive to me only, adores his son, but lives in a shithole of a country i'd not want ds to go to) my family are a bunch of bastards, am NC with them, and as am not christian or anything, ds has no godparents.

Am I being melodramatic?

I think in posting this i've answered my own question, but some input from fellow MNers would be most welcome.

Secondly, how do I cancel this? Tell him the truth, or just fake an excuse?

Tease!

basically

"That's OK - I think I understand, if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. I wish you all the best for the future - and I hope things work out for you they way you want."

"I think I understand." What a dick!

Oh

He's married, I think. And he thinks you've twigged it.

"That's OK - if you're not up for a quickie under the bushes, I'd be wasting my time. I've got another five lined up anyway. I hope you find some bloke who's willing to piss around having conversations & such."

Ha ha ha!

Garlic, you got skillz! :)

Well done love, you're lovely to other posters. You've clearly come a long way. Not easy when no role models. You have to put safety first and any decent person would understand this not be suggesting things like that. There's something odd here. Well done you.

You reckon talisa?

Sommink ain't right, that's for sure.

Thats brilliant Garlic!

Yep, definitely married or in a long-term relationship.

Selfishly I kinda wanted you to meet this guy ( not in the lanes, obviously tho) just to see what this guy was like in real life! You did the right thing and yes he was definitely dodgy...

There was a 2 names thing too.

Think name in full and abbreviation. OD - abbreviated, email - abbreviated

Sign off and stated preference was in full. Told me that he kept public persona and private contexts separate.

I'm aware this is too much bone picking for someone I never met.

As I said earlier, I need to wriggle into the beanbag of my decisions to feel comfortable sometimes

:)

I think I understand

???

Is he thick? He only thinks he understands? What a tool.

Oh, I read this too late but I was going to say, do NOT tell him why you didn't want to meet him!

Reason being - if he was dodgy (either married or worse), at least the way he was promoting himself on there gave you (and other people) some warning of that. But letting him know the "red flags" you spotted gives him the chance to be less obviously dodgy next time...

But it's a bit late now so never mind! At least you are well shot of him.

So do you know his name now?

Inigo no I cut all that bit out.

Sent only the 2 lines:

For a number of reasons

And

I wish you all the best

Everything else got cut.

No Lego, still in the dark on that one.

Hey, I'm a guy. I wouldn't ask woman I didn't know very well if she fancied a stroll ahead of actually meeting her. It's the kind of thing I would only ask on the spot, if it felt appropriate, unless I knew someone really well and they knew me.

And then it would be like, oh, do you want to go for a walk somewhere? So it would be something we'd make up when we met. This is properly strange behaviour and no, I would not trust this man.

So there you go.

Thanks Aegean it really was an odd request, wasn't it?

When I read it, it was as if the words grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

Can't help but feel a bullet dodged there.

glad you cancelled