I have to cancel this 'date', don't I?

[Hissy]

'met' this guy on OD site. Few messages, emails, couple of phone calls, not actually met up yet.

Have tentatively arranged a first meet on Thursday. In my mind all was ok, but then he's asked if i'd fancy a stroll in the lanes behind the restaurant we're meeting at.

For some reason this has thrown me completely. It goes against all the guides on safe dating. I know that area like the back of my hand as it goes, and even have friends who live there, but still... all I can think of is the Crimewatch reconstruction.

It's brought into sharp focus what I don't know about this guy:

His full name
Who he works for (apparently in same place as I live)
I know approximately where he lives, but not exactly
The email address he uses he told me he's set up specifically for OD contact
He doesn't have a mobile that works in the house, and he's not allowed to take it to work
Considering the mobile network issues, I don't have his home number either, but not sure if that's relevant. He doesn't have mine either, but has my mobile.

On his OD profile, it mentions somewhere that he finds it hard to trust people

The profile was set up on eHarmony, but he never became a full member. There's no photo, i've not seen one.

I sent him the pic from my profile, as you can't see them either unless you're a member (only realised this recently) he never commented at all on my photo, and hasn't sent one back.

Until the 'would you consider a stroll' comment, I was prepared to meet him. Now i'm not at all sure.

Am I being over cautious? Am I allowing my paranoia from previous abusive relationships cloud this?

I have a DS, if anything happened to me, the options he has for ongoing care are dire! Abusive dad (abusive to me only, adores his son, but lives in a shithole of a country i'd not want ds to go to) my family are a bunch of bastards, am NC with them, and as am not christian or anything, ds has no godparents.

Am I being melodramatic?

I think in posting this i've answered my own question, but some input from fellow MNers would be most welcome.

Secondly, how do I cancel this? Tell him the truth, or just fake an excuse?

He's married surely ?

Don't meet him. Even if he's not a weirdo/married he might look like Nigel Farage

Or boris Johnson. The phone things all shit. He's married hence separate email

Yes, he's married. Or as good as.

I know, the proposed walk doesn't necessarily mean he's a murderous murderer, but it doesn't make him look great either, does it?

I would cancel - too many red flags.

Have you tried putting the mobile number into the search box on Facebook? If he's linked it to A Facebook account, it will come up.

Thanks all.

garlic dunno what you mean by being 'properly single' i've had 1 relationship since my ex left in 2010, and since I ended it with him because he said he was with me 'because it suited him but he didn't see a future' i've been on my own, and happily so.

I signed up for the OD after I dumped the boyf, I think as a distraction to the hurt I felt, but only went out on a couple of dates with a couple of guys before realising that I really didn't want to do this.

I think after the abusive ex left, and i'd worked so hard to put myself back together, I needed to prove to myself that I could have a 'normal' relationship, one that I could be in some joint control of, and conduct on terms that I had a say in.

My thoughts now are that I did that, point proven, so no need to do it again.

I think i've tried to convince myself that I should date, but I just don't feel I want to. I'm coming round to the idea' but if it's too much like hard work, I cba.

I'm not too scared to date, I don't think. I've made sure it's always an option in my head/life. I've done it, it was good for a while, but ultimately he wasn't right for me/my life.

I do wonder though, at almost 46, is this it?

I hope not, as i'd like to meet someone to be an adult with, not full time, not live in I don't think though. It'd be great if they had a nice set of parents/family, as I don't anymore.

NoArmani that's a horrible idea! Nigel gives me HIVES!

No not Nigel! Boris though...

On a practical note, if you did meet him, with no photo how would you know it was him?

You need to watch some episodes of catfish

What on earth is catfish?

Have put his post town into a mobile checker

Chances that a house Petersfield area has no signal are slim, huh?

www.mtv.com/shows/catfish/

if you ring the number NOW is it turned off? in his sock drawer

No photo, no full name, who he works for (apparently in same place as I live) No address or landline number
.
.
.
No face to face meeting.

Simply not worth it.

He might just mean a nice walk if the weather's good. But it's set your instincts off, and you've realised how much you don't know about him.

I once had a date where something just didn't feel right, and I wanted to change where we were meeting to somewhere more public (and further from my home.) He got very weird about it, and kept talking about having already bought his train ticket (which was about £3.75, as it was local and just one stop, rather than crossing half the country at peak time prices.) I ended up cancelling.

My instincts may have been wrong, and I may have missed out on the love of my life, but it's better that way round than ignoring instincts which turn out to be right, and getting into a really difficult situation with a mad nutter.

If your instincts are telling you things aren't right, listen to them.

(As for the mobile signal - my parents' house had thick stone walls. Outside the front door or in the garden, the signal was fine, but inside the house, it was rubbish - and you can't spend your whole time in the garden just in case someone rings.)

lego if there's no signal, being off wouldn't be unusual.

I've never tried to ring him.

You'd work out some way of being left an urgent message though, if that was the case. He presumably knows that Hissy has a child and therefore that an emergency might arise which would mean getting in touch with him.

Go with your instincts, Hissy.

try! See what happens

Of course you cant google him as you have no surname.. if you asked for his surname what would he say?

The walk in the lanes thing aside, he sounds well dodgy!

Agree that he is married/in a LTR.

I meant single without being on dating sites and/or keeping a weather eye open for a potential partner. We've disagreed on this elsewhere, and please don't think I'm trying to wind you up: I'm not

I completely understood where you were coming from before, with wanting to test your boundaries & capacity to relate 'normally' with a partner. I think you passed all your self-tests with flying colours! It might be time, now, to have a period of being committed to being solo - investing 100% in your extraordinary self. 46 isn't too late to meet someone, neither is 48 or 50!

And you are gorgeous. There's definitely no need for you to be meeting faceless, nameless, uncontactable men for the sake of having a date.

Try making more female & couple friends instead, perhaps, for a while?
Apologies to everyone for off-board references.

if he was considering rape and murder, he wouldnt be likely to give you the heads up first surely.

Arf at this .. tho nothing would surprise me these days...

Glad you decided against Hissy.. he's either after a quick knee-trembler in the lane or something worse. Either way, the only option is to run like the wind...

Agree that there is every possibility of you meeting someone nice now or in ten years time. There has to be a certain freedom in leaving all the 'will he won't he' crap behind and just being yourself and meeting someone who appreciates you for being yourself.

Then again, I'm very cynical about OD and would never touch it with a bargepole.

His married
Iv been here the guy was supposedly single full time dad with one child He used his friends name practically his friends life oh and his friends picture and fake number.
He didn't want to send me a picture and he was just going to tell me what he was wearing but I said no so he sent me a picture.
I even asked if he was married which he denied it My gut told me he was but I didn't listen.

He asked to meet me.

When I went to meet him he was shorter than he said married with more children and 10 years older and looked nothing like his friend

I was very