DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

[januarycat]

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

Good luck for today. When they come home, he may be expecting a scene. Don't show him any of your cards. Let the law and the experts help you. Make sure you have your ducks in a row before you put him in his place.

Thinking of you today.

I don't think you overreacted either.

I also think your plan of just getting rid of him quickly is good. If you lose your temper in front of your DCs, he will make you feel inferior and threatened by your loss of control; don't allow him that power, no matter how much he goads you.

You did not over-react. When they arrive, go out to meet them, don't let him in the house. No need for drama, just thank you and goodbye. Focus on the DC and how wonderful it will be to see them. Get them in the house and enjoy them while he drives away. Then you can pan your next move.

I've been thinking about you all weekend - stay strong & calm, then put things in place to make sure he can never do this to you & your DCs again.

Yes, go out to meet them, be all 'hello darlings!!!' Chat normally to shitface as though all's ok and normal in front of the children. Then get them in the house and shut the door.

I had a real dilemma with my kids about how much to say about what was going on. I obviously wasn't going to put it all on them but at the same time there was clearly a great deal of upset under the surface and imo they needed it addressed in some way. So saying something like 'I didn't know you were coming back on Sunday, I expected you on thursday' in a matter-of-fact way of addressing it without dragging them into it. (It's another way we are being abused, having to cover up in front of the kids when we're half dead.)

The police are on it and if the kids aren't back by midday the police can track if they were on the ferry. Do you know the reg of his car?

Fingers crossed for you op, you must be going out of your mind.

Calm in front of kids, but please never let this man see your children unsupervised again.

WA are 24/7 so try to call overnight to get through.

Good luck today OP.

Agreed with PP,greet the kids at the car, allow them to say their goodbyes to their dad and then take them in closing the door behind you. There's no need for him to come into the house.

Its still an internat dialling tone & they are not picking up.

I can't imagine the worry your going through right now, but your children are, in all likelyhood, completely safe. You must try to look after yourself, IMO you are the one most a risk from this bastards ea behaviour.
Im so angry on your behalf. But I agree about keeping your cool in front of the kids. You are the better person here.
I do think that unsupervised contact with this wanker is not in their best interests long term though, but I guess you know that. Get women's aid and the police involved again. Tell them you are now worried for their safety.

It's nearly 10 am and he said he'd be back by 12?! Call the police again NOW and say you are now fearful for their safety. They are 3 days (?) late in coming home.

You are not overreacting at all. Fingers crossed they are back soon.

My blood is running cold on your behalf. Ring the police, and anyone else you can think of, and do it now. Really thinking of you and hoping your DC are back with you very soon.

I agree. Call the police now.

OP I hope you get your dc back safely.

But wanted to post my concern that you said your ex left his job a week or so ago- did I pick that up correctly? If so this sounds like an alarm bell to me, please call the police, i hope you alerted them to this fact as well in your earlier contact with them?. Thinking of you.

I've been following this all weekend, and I wish I had something useful to add. Consider me as just another hand holder and hoping this is all over for you soon.

How close to the coast are you, OP?

Thinking of you, OP.

I understand the coping mechanism, these minutes must feel like hours.

Presumably if they were due back today they were getting the ferry / tunnel sometime this morning? How far are you from the ferry ports?

I would phone the police too.

I've been lurking and just wanted to say I really hope you get them home. If the phone is still somewhere international then you need to contact the police, your children are 3 days late coming home and you have no idea where they are.

Even if he does bring them back, police involvement will scare him into never being such a twat ever again. Don't let him take them anywhere, don't worry about being seen as 'controlling and paranoid' because now you've every right to be paranoid, and I'd rather be insulted than have my children off with someone so unhinged.

OP, just adding my voice to the masses. I think you do need to consider giving the police a ring now. The not being able to contact today is a bit concerning.

Can you get somebody to be with you at your house today ?

Thinking of you OP.

hoping your dc are back with you soon.

{{Hugs}}