DCs went on holiday (abroad) with soon to be ex H, supposed to be back y'day - no sign.

[januarycat]

early stages of divorce.

The 3yo hasn't ever spent a night away from me. they were supposed to be back y'day. h phoned today to say it will be sunday. he said he'd told me when they left - he didn't, in fact he said they would travel thursday, be back following thursday.

he is playing games & was being very 'oh, dear, did you forget I told you it would be sunday?'

he has made threats in the past to take them away.

I have phoned the police (101) to log it. they said phone back on sunday if no sign & think about getting a court order.

he thinks it's funny & was being patronising & sarcastic on the phone, he finished the call by saying how lovely it was to talk to me. he is doing what he knows will hurt me the most.

Did I do the right thing calling the police. h is emotionally abusive & i often doubt how I feel/think/react.

Thanks for any advice.

January, please please please do not let him see them alone ever again! He has acted disgustingly.

Just read all of this, what a horrible situation for you to be in January. Glad you've managed to speak to the shit now. I agree with PP, when they get home just focus on the dc, get them inside and shut the door. I wouldn't let h in the door either. Then once you've calmed down and had a chance to work out what you want to do, use this experience to get official supervised access in place. He really is a shit. Good luck

Very very pleased you have been able to speak with the DC, and that you at least have confirmation that they are in the country.

How dare he talk of 'possibly' tonight?

He's made his bed, OP, both in terms of adjusting your perspective so that he will never be able to steamroller you like this again, and also in terms of the police and official / legal response to behaviour like this.

I agree, get the kids in, don't say a word to ex, don't allow him into your home and shut the door on him.

If he doesn't leave immediately, call 999.

Tomorrow you get prohibitive steps order and do everything you can to never, ever allow him unsupervised access again.

The utter bastard

Get their passports from him!

Even though you know when they're supposed to be back I'd contact the police. They said midday. You've been consistent in your dealings with STBHTwat and he's now saying 'possibly' tonight. The police should take that possibly seriously. And if he doesn't being them back you have a very strong case. You've been reasonable and given them a bit of leeway for traffic or whatever but I'm worried he's just playing you now and it's going to be strung out more unless you take action.

I agree with Hissy's last post.

You can always report the passports as stolen, here, to save an argument on the doorstep and just shut the door.

I hope they're back with you soon.

Utter bastard.
Glad the kids sound ok.
I agree that you need to give the police the heads up. He will undoubtedly want to have a reaction from you when he brings them home and I wouldn't trust him an inch.
Speak to the police again and tell them that you will be calling 999 if he tries to gain access to your home.
My Ex sounds very similar. The only way to claw back control is through the family courts.
I hope you have your little ones home very soon.

Terrifying. The police haven't covered themselves in glory here...Can you or they check ferry passenger lists at Dover to validate that they're back in the UK. Hope someone is supporting you in RL too, would be better if you weren't alone when he returns your DCs.

Mondays list so far:

Solicitor re contact agreement, cout order,occupation order? non molestation order? prohibited steps order?
NCDV - emergency injunction service. Legal stuff 0844 8044 999.
Family court - ask staff about help with fees.
Oz passports - put stop in place re application.
Doctor(new one) make appt re ADs explain DV situation. Ask if they can provide letter of proof of DV.

No advice but wanted to de lurk to say i have been following and refreshing regularly in the hope that you have them home safely. I can't image what you are going through and know i would be in pieces by now. Take the great advice on here so he can never pull a stunt like this again. I think you have handled this much better than i could and am here holding your hand until your dc are home safe.

Docs appt is to see if the ADs i am on are ok & for legal aid.

Its just a start. Have I forgotten anything.
Later is the freedom programme.

Oh, and thank you for the hand holding. I would have lost it if it wasnt for the support on here.

Have I forgotten anything.

A pat on the back and a well-earned cup of tea for grasping the nettle. I've been lurking, hoping your kids would be back by now. Glad to hear you'll be taking steps to ensure this can't happen again. I'll go back to lurking and keeping everything crossed for a swift resolution. Thinking of you.

Go for it Lady. Great list

Well done Januarycat...please do post when the kids get back...there has been a huge collective "holding of breath" here, none of us can imagine how this is for you I am sure. Keep posting, you will find support and strength and PLEASE do not let him take the kids again. You've tried to do the right thing, he has totally taken the piss in every way possible. What a horrible man. He wouldn't do this to THEM if he cared about them the way a father should. This is all about scoring points over you. Don't let him! xx

Another one who is de-lurking, I've been reading and hoping and sending PVs. I hope your DC are soon back with you x.

Don't forget reunite op, plus there is a check list if stuff to complete - copies of passports, identifying marks, fingerprints ( pretend its a game ) and if you have a copy of his passport all to the good.

He's a dreadful man op, you have put up with his crap long enough.

Hope your dc get home soon.

Yes, Reunite, WA, Rights of Women.

Oh OP, this is awful :(

I can't even come close to how you must be feeling. I hope he's on his way back, sure he won't hurry though. He's enjoying torturing you. And this is torture.

I don't understand why the police aren't helping more. Hopefully someone knowledgeable will be able to help you with this.

I'm going to sit quietly here and hold your hand x

Choc cake is good. Sooo glad you've spoken to DC From Dover to London (don't know where you are) 2 hours but as poster pointed out earlier Marathon today. M25 will be a nightmare. Maybe put travel news on radio so that you can listen to roadblocks etc to where you live.

You are being so brave and your list contains some good stuff. I can't imagine what you're going through. Have you got anyone who can be with you so that you're not alone when he gets back?

Please keep posting because we are all so worried

Yes; make sure 'phoning Reunite is on that list; they are the specialists and he HAS threatened international abduction.

X posted

I think you're doing really well despite AD fog and stress