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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So the knob has been cheating on me !

179 replies

Sonumb · 10/04/2014 14:04

I posted this in chat Tuesday when it happened and was told about this Topic so thought I'd vent/ maybe get some advice if that's ok , bare with me it may be long Blush

I have been with my Partner for 3 years this month , we weren't living together but were sorting all the logistics out to do so iyswim
Anyway I'm 8 weeks pregnant as we were starting a family hence the moving in together .

I sussed something was 'off' Tuesday as he had said a family member had been taken ill & having not heard from him I checked his sisters Facebook to see if everything was ok at which point I noticed on a status it looked like she were talking to herself Hmm the penny kinda dropped then so I went on a different Facebook and their he was on an account he said he didn't have with his arm round some woman all happy and smiley gazing at each other Envy , I still couldn't get hold of him and had sent various texts etc & when I heard from him he didnt even bother to deny it just said he didn't know why Confused wouldn't answer any questions and really hasn't said much since then .

I found out today that she and her son have been staying at his since Friday playing happy families - pictures at the beach and lots of status' about having had a great time and finally found that special somebody and she is the best girlfriend ever Angry

After some digging nosing about on facebook I found out they met on new years day this year yet he told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he was spending time with his Grandad as he was dying & completely ignored my birthday & valentines not that I'm bothered but its the thought iyswim anyway I've gone from been upset and now I'm rather erm volatile/angry
he is coming round tonight to see me so we can talk as he 'loves me' when quite frankly I don't think he would have even answered the phone to me if I weren't carrying his baby Angry

I dunno what to do or what to feel or what to say

OP posts:
justsaying1234 · 13/04/2014 12:43

Wow

The facts as describe by OP. Been with boyfriend for 3 years. Due to move in together. One might expect that OP would know his family and friends?

Op thought something was off so she went to FB and he is there with photos of himself, with someone else talking about how much he loves them. Surely if this was/is a clandestine relationship he wouldn't be on FB?

Other woman and her son have been staying at his place since Friday. Posting pictures on FB telling the world he has found a great girlfriend. Again not exactly flying under the radar?

OP had a misscarriage in Jan and couldn't get hold of BF. Doesn't sound particularly supportive or like someone anyone would want to have a baby or a relationship with?

OP does not have any family or friends and does not work.

When confronted BF didn't deny and didn't really say much.

I have some questions. Did the BF know he was in a relationship? Surely OP speaks to his friends and family. He has been on FB for months telling anyone who will listen that he is love with another woman. Did no one tell OP? Why is OP not linked to him on FB?
Later in the thread OP seems to say the relationship is over. She is fine. She has moved on.

OP has not cheated. BF sounds like he is an arse and has learning difficulties, but OP has made some very very bad choices, when from what we know the evidence was screaming to choose another route.

There is a baby on its way into the world. Does Op understand what that means? Children need role models, stability, rational thinking, routine and lots and lots of love.

Lweji · 13/04/2014 13:08

Maybe the ex kept things separately so that he would be free to be with whatever women he wanted to?

I still don't get these posts.

Are some posters suggesting that the OP has an abortion? Hmm

BuzzardBird · 13/04/2014 13:21

I think they are

Original poster
Sonumb · 13/04/2014 13:56

Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry

I know what a baby entails , I brought 3 of my siblings up .
I am not some idiot , from what I can gather his family thought we were finished .
Yes he did know we were in a relationship we got engaged at the end of January .

Like I said he lives in the next town so we would see each other most days & about 4 nights a week due to his job .

OP posts:
Original poster
Sonumb · 13/04/2014 14:02

Just how on earth did you come to the conclusion that my ex has Learning Difficulties Confused

He doesn't .

I don't use Facebook too much only occasionally to speak to family that live at the other side of the UK hence why I didn't pick up on anything .

OP posts:
Realitybitesyourbum · 13/04/2014 14:12

dont bother, justsaying. your opinion at the bottom is likely to get you a warning from HQ...

mileysorearse · 13/04/2014 14:14

I am staggered by the flak that the OP is getting, 'Relationships' is supposed to supportive not judgy FFS. MN is wall to wall arsehole at the moment.

BuzzardBird · 13/04/2014 14:29

Can you report someone for just being vile?

Original poster
Sonumb · 13/04/2014 14:34

Haven't a clue Buzzard

OP posts:
Lweji · 13/04/2014 14:36

I still don't get how and why these three descended on this thread just to tell off the OP for getting pregnant.

Never mind the cheating knob who knowingly got her pregnant too.

We have all made less than ideal choices at one point or another.
In this case, regardless of how or why it happened, the OP is pregnant and intends to have the baby.
There is no point saying what the OP should have or not have done or thought about.

Go and kick someone who is not down, will you?

mileysorearse · 13/04/2014 14:36

I thought you could but tbh they let so much crap through these days that I doubt it

ohldoneedtogetagrip · 13/04/2014 14:45

Ignore the vile posters OP
For what is is worth l admire your strength and resolve. Your ex DP has really shot himself in the foot and shown is true colours. The OW , as desperate as she sounds-is more than welcome ti him.
Enjoy your pregnancy as stress free as you can and contact CMS as son as the baby is born to get him to contribute financially.
You have no need to be in contact with him until them.
I am sure you will be a great mum

BuzzardBird · 13/04/2014 14:48

Is this what this Heartbleed thing has done? Attracted a load of utter twats?

passmethewineplease · 13/04/2014 14:52

Must have, ignore the negative pointless posts OP. What's done is done and now you need to support not judgement.

Your ex however...

Original poster
Sonumb · 13/04/2014 15:00

Thanks for being so nice Smile. Thanks

OP posts:
GarlicAprilShowers · 13/04/2014 15:52

Sonumb, you're being brilliant! You've dealt with your ex, with his family, his other (and now only) girlfriend, and the jabby crackpots on your thread. I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of you Wink

A friend of mine had to come off her bi-polar meds while pregnant. She was worried about it, and has stacks of support, but has actually been very well throughout - she's six months, I think.

Really glad you're seeing the doctor this week. Well done. Now all you need to do is eat & sleep Flowers

justsaying1234 · 13/04/2014 16:14

There is no opinion in my post, except that the BF is an arse, so please stop projecting.

I was just highlighting that a situation where there is a 3 year relationship and every family member, and friend in the orbit of that relationship has sort of colluded in the lie, is bizarre and worrying.

I would never encourage someone to have an abortion. OP knows her own life better than anyone. What I am saying is that it sounds like there were plenty of warning signs along the way. Hopefully OP has a better run of luck and judgement in the future.

Good luck Sonumb

Original poster
Sonumb · 13/04/2014 16:50

Their were no signs

OP posts:
justsaying1234 · 13/04/2014 17:34

Do you interact with his family and friends?

How did his family react to the engagement announcement? Did you have a party? gathering?

How have his family and friends reacted to your pregnancy?

justsaying1234 · 13/04/2014 17:41

Having a baby is a joy and the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. On the flip side it is really hard work and if the baby is not a great sleeper, has colic or something else it can be torturous. If you can, you need to start sorting a support network now. Find out about local clubs, assistance, anything which will take the pressure off you when the baby arrives. Attending all the antenatal classes should give you access to other mothers, going through the same pressures as you at the same time and this will really help to reaffirm you are doing the right things and the feelings you are having are normal.

GarlicAprilShowers · 13/04/2014 17:58

OP found out about her ex's shenanigans via his sister's Facebook page, which featured photos of him with his 'other' girlfriend. He announced her pregnancy on his FB page - which he hadn't told her about - and all his friends congratulated the other girlfriend! Shock

I think it's fair to say his family, at least, have known all along that he was two-timing, don't you? Nice bunch they must be. He might have told the friends he'd already split up with OP.

I have no doubt at all that you're better off without the lot of 'em, hard as it seems right now.

Original poster
Sonumb · 13/04/2014 18:14

Just I was going to leave my 5yo Ds out of this but you have not given me much choice Angry

My Ds is Autistic I know what it is like to have a child especially one that does not sleep amongst many many other things but I would not change him for the world .
He is the main reason that my Ex did not move in as well as his work I had to be a 100% sure that he would not come in to my Ds life and then mess him about as that would of set my Ds back.
Please do not speak to me or about me as though I'm a stupid kid as I certainly am not & I know what I am doing .

I will not be explaining myself anymore to you or anybody as I only posted for support not for me to be judged when I have not done anything wrong Angry Angry Angry Angry

OP posts:
Elfhame · 13/04/2014 18:25

What a shitty thread

Do some of you get a kick out of kicking people when they are down?

Good luck OP

Lweji · 13/04/2014 18:29

And the condescending posts about something that was never asked about...

mileysorearse · 13/04/2014 18:31

OP please stick around, or start a new thread. There are some really good people here who will give you great advice. Unfortunately we seem to be in the midst of an arsehole invasion at the moment.