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Original poster

Is this a friend?

138 replies

PeaceAtAnyPrice · 06/04/2014 13:29

I would like some views please. A bit about me would probably help, my family are very dysfunctional and I have very little to do with them so friends are probably more important to me than the average person. Maybe this makes me expect too much.

I have known f for 3 years, she lives in the same street as me with her DH and 2DCs. We have been quite friendly we'll pop to each other's houses for tea/coffee and taken out the children occasionally. She applied for a job recently and asked if I could provide a character reference. I also have 1DC. I recently split with DP just after Xmas so I live just me and my DC.

Anyway over the last year she has done a few things that have annoyed me but wondered whether they were a bit petty to get upset over. Rather than muddy the waters I would rather just explain the most recent thing which has upset me.

This weekend my exDP had DC from Friday -Sunday. I chatted to her on Friday afternoon and mentioned I felt really rough and ill and I would have to go to bed. I went to out of hours on Saturday who diagnosed acute bronchitis and gave me antibiotics and strong painkillers. Anyway, I got even worse so the paramedics came out at about 7.30pm did some tests and diagnosed me with pneumonia. I was in a lot of pain but they couldn't give me anything stronger than I already had. They asked if I could contact someone to spend the night with me. The paramedic stayed with me a bit and made me comfortable under a blanket in the living room and brought me my Mobile and water. So she left at 9, I tried ringing friends I'm closer with but could get no answer, I guessed they were out drinking. So I rang f and explained the situation and asked if she could come over for a bit, she said she had friends over but would come over when they left. At 10.30 I texted her asking her please could she come. I was feeling in a really bad way and was hoping she could help me get my next lot of medication and help me to bed. I didn't actually say this to her so maybe it wasn't clear to her ? Anyway after 30 minutes I didn't hear from her so I just dragged myself up and sorted myself out and put myself to bed. I turned my phone on silent. At 12.30am I heard the doorbell I guessed it was her but felt in no state to answer it anyway. This morning I saw she had rang me at 11.30pm last night and also texted saying she hadn't seen my text. I texted her this morning just to say I was ok just resting. Then she texted asking if I wanted her to pop around, she could come at 11am if that ok for me? So no apology, no 'is there anything I can do'. I texted saying I would be sleeping mostly and would text if I needed her.

I feel very disappointed and let down, but am I over reacting?

OP posts:
ProlificPenguin · 06/04/2014 13:40

Sorry but I think you are over reacting, did she contact you and come around and offered to come today. When I had pneumonia I struggled to get around too, top tips are not to get cold, try to eat, soup is good and I alternated ibuprofen and paracetemol.

Take care, maybe your friends you are closer to could come around today and cheer you up?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/04/2014 13:44

Sorry but I think you are over reacting.

She did come round, ok later than you wanted her too, but she had people round and you had your phone on silent. And she's offered to see you today and you've said no.

Being ill isn't nice, but I don't think your friend has done anything wrong.

I hope you feel better soon.

RandomMess · 06/04/2014 13:44

I think you are over reacting but I can understand your disappointment. If they had friends over she was probably drinking and distracted tbh.

I hope you start feel much better soon, have you got antibiotics?

expatinscotland · 06/04/2014 13:45

I think you are over-reacting.

cozietoesie · 06/04/2014 13:50

I think you're over-reacting, possibly because you're feeling ill and miserable.

Hope you're feeling better soon - but are you in a position to cope with your DC if they come back today? (Or could your ex maybe look after them for another day or two until you're in better shape?)

Original poster
PeaceAtAnyPrice · 06/04/2014 13:50

Yes I have antibiotics and pain killers. She doesn't drink and I guess I thought it wouldn't be too much to say to her friends that she's popping over mine for 20 mins to help out a sick friend, she would be leaving them with her DH not on their own. From the reaction here then that was obviously too much to expect :(

OP posts:
tootiredtothink · 06/04/2014 13:52

Agree with everyone else, you're over reacting. Easily done when you're feeling ill.

She already had plans and came as soon as she could after that. Sounds like a good friend to me.

expatinscotland · 06/04/2014 13:54

Yeah, it really is. If you were that bad off you should have gone to hospital.

Abbierhodes · 06/04/2014 13:56

Massively overreacting. Being ill is horrid but you're an adult, you don't need looking after. I wouldn't walk out on friends I was entertaining to fetch you some paracetamol. It wasn't an emergency, you managed it yourself.

FabULouse · 06/04/2014 13:57

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expatinscotland · 06/04/2014 13:59

If you are this ill, have you told your x he needs to keep the kids longer?

FunkyBoldRibena · 06/04/2014 14:01

What would she be apologising for? She did come round when she could. She isn't a mindreader and wasn't to know you needed her in the next 30 mins.

FreeLikeABird · 06/04/2014 14:02

Sorry but yes massive over reaction, she did try to call and came round albeit an hour later than you wanted but she had people over.

I hope you feel better soon.

kotinka · 06/04/2014 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PeaceAtAnyPrice · 06/04/2014 14:06

Yes my x is having DC longer. I thought that friends were there for you when you needed them not when it was 100% convenient. And yes I am an adult and can 'manage' to look after myself, I thought it was ok to have some support in times of need. Obviously not unless it's 100% convenient for the other person then from what I'm reading here.
Ok I get the message I did ask for people's opinions and that is what I have had. So thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
PeaceAtAnyPrice · 06/04/2014 14:07

And I have never asked her for anything previously by the way. Ever.

OP posts:
Dirtybadger · 06/04/2014 14:09

She sounds like a good friend. Hope you feel better soon.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 06/04/2014 14:10

If you were not well enough to be alone you would be in hospital. Don't wish to be harsh but it's the truth.

Paramedics say you should ask someone over as a matter of course. Its a nicer thing to say than 'we're off now as we don't consider you to be ill enough for hospital and we have other things to do now'.

expatinscotland · 06/04/2014 14:13

She came along. She was an hour later in texting you and then she came to your door, clearly concerned. She had guests over. She contacted you again this morning and you shrugged her off. What do you expect? She's not a mind reader.

You sound like hard work.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 06/04/2014 14:15

texting is not for urgent matters.

If you needed urgent help, you should have called to convey your distress.

To me, and I don't hink I am the only one, a text could be read after only an hour or even longer. The fact that you sent a text, rather than called, would have indicated to em it was no super urgent.

I think you are annoyed about her not being a mind reader, but really, she did nothings ring IMO.

Hope you get well soon, and can forgive your friend. She does care and did come over.

Poppylovescheese · 06/04/2014 14:19

Sorry I agree with everyone else. Friends are there to support you but also you have to accept you cannot be their number one priority. She did call and did come over; just not when suited you.

Poppylovescheese · 06/04/2014 14:19

Also I agree you sound like hard work.

rainbowfeet · 06/04/2014 14:22

I'm a lone parent too.. No family near by & I've learnt not to rely on anybody for anything!! I'm afraid I find people might talk the talk (oh, if there's anything you need etc.) but when you call them up on it they run a mile!!

Original poster
PeaceAtAnyPrice · 06/04/2014 14:23

I did ring her at 9pm. it was clear I was distressed and I have never asked her for anything before. She doesn't normally have friends late so I assumed that they would be gone within an hour. I texted at 10.30 apologising but I really needed her to come round please. I'm guessing her friends left at 11.30 which was when she tried to ring but I had gone to bed. I don't need her to come around today as I'm able to get around a lot better, antibiotics are starting to kick in. I needed her 9pm last night!!

OP posts:
defineme · 06/04/2014 14:23

I don't think you'd communicated your urgent need of support.
I'm sorry-it must have been scary and lonely being that ill with paramedics coming out.
She honestly sounds like most people-having a lovely time with visitors-texted by other friend but busy-comes when she can and tries a couple of times. I think that's the best you can expect.
Really nice if you have someone that would drop it all, but mainly that would be a partner/family not a friend. I'm sorry you haven't those options.
You're feeling ill, it's not long since you split with your partner-don't lose a friend into the bargain-that will not help.