Is this a friend?

[PeaceAtAnyPrice]

I would like some views please. A bit about me would probably help, my family are very dysfunctional and I have very little to do with them so friends are probably more important to me than the average person. Maybe this makes me expect too much.

I have known f for 3 years, she lives in the same street as me with her DH and 2DCs. We have been quite friendly we'll pop to each other's houses for tea/coffee and taken out the children occasionally. She applied for a job recently and asked if I could provide a character reference. I also have 1DC. I recently split with DP just after Xmas so I live just me and my DC.

Anyway over the last year she has done a few things that have annoyed me but wondered whether they were a bit petty to get upset over. Rather than muddy the waters I would rather just explain the most recent thing which has upset me.

This weekend my exDP had DC from Friday -Sunday. I chatted to her on Friday afternoon and mentioned I felt really rough and ill and I would have to go to bed. I went to out of hours on Saturday who diagnosed acute bronchitis and gave me antibiotics and strong painkillers. Anyway, I got even worse so the paramedics came out at about 7.30pm did some tests and diagnosed me with pneumonia. I was in a lot of pain but they couldn't give me anything stronger than I already had. They asked if I could contact someone to spend the night with me. The paramedic stayed with me a bit and made me comfortable under a blanket in the living room and brought me my Mobile and water. So she left at 9, I tried ringing friends I'm closer with but could get no answer, I guessed they were out drinking. So I rang f and explained the situation and asked if she could come over for a bit, she said she had friends over but would come over when they left. At 10.30 I texted her asking her please could she come. I was feeling in a really bad way and was hoping she could help me get my next lot of medication and help me to bed. I didn't actually say this to her so maybe it wasn't clear to her ? Anyway after 30 minutes I didn't hear from her so I just dragged myself up and sorted myself out and put myself to bed. I turned my phone on silent. At 12.30am I heard the doorbell I guessed it was her but felt in no state to answer it anyway. This morning I saw she had rang me at 11.30pm last night and also texted saying she hadn't seen my text. I texted her this morning just to say I was ok just resting. Then she texted asking if I wanted her to pop around, she could come at 11am if that ok for me? So no apology, no 'is there anything I can do'. I texted saying I would be sleeping mostly and would text if I needed her.

I feel very disappointed and let down, but am I over reacting?

Peace, I think the majority of posters were trying to tell you that you are overreacting. Maybe it's because you're ill, maybe because you have split up with your partner, possibly both.

But you are overreacting, and in danger of losing a friend ( not a partner/parent) just when you probably do need them.

If it helps to get angry at a bunch of strangers on the internet, vent away. It may help direct your hurt and anger somewhere else.

Let's be honest, you were horribly sick someone who loved you to look after you. To make it better so that just for once you didn't have to be the capable grown up, having to deal with thus on top of all the day to day shite.
And in your post break up, 'I'll be fine, I've got my mates' headspace the lines got a little blurred.

Your friend likes you, she may not love you - bit if she's 3rd on your calling list, is it really that unrealistic?

Are you on glue?

Seriously, you ask if you are overreacting. You are told you are overreacting. Then you throw a hissy fit and wonder how you are overreacting, when the last couple of pages have tried to explain this to you?

Look, I am sorry you are ill.

I have had pneumonia. It is pants. I had it while in charge of two children, and my husband overseas. I managed. I had to.

I have also had meningitis. I had it while in charge of my oldest, and my dh was away for 6 months in blardy India. I managed. I had to.

And here you are, sick and lonely, call the paramedics, and then your neighbour to come, and do what exactly? You dont even have children with you to take care of! FGS!

You asked if you were over reacting, in AIBU. You were told repeatedly that yes, you did over react.

But you still don't think you did.

omg
The op is recently single,
Her child/children were with her ex overnight.
She was ill, the paramedics visited.
She asked the neighbour to call round.
O.P starts this thread, then acknowledged that thread has made her appraise friendship/s.

What is her crime? Why is she getting such a hard time?
Some of the subjective replies have been unfair.
Although the irony of some almost funny ie " You are not coming across well".
Too right her antibiotics would not have kicked in yet.

The original post did not ask Am I hard work?. so why does this accusation need to be leveled at the op again and again. Once said why do other posters feel the need to repeat, it over and over.
Hard work for whom, when? No please don't answer.

Also just because others of us have been ill and had to carry on, or prefer to isolate ourselves when ill. Does n't mean everyone is the same. many people do have support when ill and some would prefer to have contact

Peace is was ill and isolated, so what she called the neighbour/friend.
Yes she felt let down, but she this has made her reappraise her views on friendship/expectations.

AND SHE WAS AND IS ILL

Hope that you begin to feel better soon Peace.

She was ill, the paramedics visited
Paramedics visit when they are called, it's not a measure of how poorly one is.

She will be cutting off her nose to spite her face then, if she is cutting out the neighbour because she did not jump to her tune the minute she wanted her to, because she was busy entertaining guests....

Her choice.

I love your absolutely resolute stance that you are right. You have even extrapolated from the fact that you were supported on mn about a totally different issue that everyone disagreeing on this thread is wrong and weird. You might want to look at the common denominator on this thread - ie you.

You come across as needy, self-righteous, judgemental and just weird. I'm afraid nothing in your tone would induce me to want to help you - in fact I would keep you at arms length if at all possible. You sound like incredibly hard work - you might want to work on that if you want to have genuine friendships where people care about you and want to help you when you need them. Try and have a little self-awareness. I suspect by your tone on this thread I am wasting my breath though.

By the way, if another poster had stated that they felt hurt and let down because a friend didn't seem supportive when they were ill I would have empathised. It is the subsequent postings that have made me take this stance. The op' stone is very jarring.

Peace I think if you re-read the thread you'll find that almost everyone has wished you well and hope you recover from your illness very soon, as do I. So the fact you are accusing posters of being unsympathetic towards you is unfair. The fact remains that you asked for opinions, you got them & you didn't like them. I think reading back to page 2 of this thread that when you threw in several "facts" about your friend that you thought that would make everyone side with you & castigate her. They didn't & you don't like it, but to answer your original post, sorry but yes you are over-reacting to all of it

Peace - You are obviously quite poorly and should see a dr asap as its really affecting your emotional intelligence and maturity in real life and in your response here. I'm sure when you are well how needy and irrational you are coming across, will be obvious to you. Get well soon xxx

Poor woman comes straight round as soon her guests leave as she promised but as you 'assumed' they would/should be leaving at 10.30pm you are offended and annoyed???? The fact that you could and did manage to get yourself to bed and take your meds would imo show you were able to do it therefore the urgency for her to leave her plans were unreasonable and she still showed her concern by turning up gone midnight.

She sounds a lovely friend to come out to you at that time of night and she certainly didn't get mardy and annoyed (like you have) when you didn't answer the door or have the courtesy to text to tell her you had gone to bed without her help so not to bother and inconvenience her

OP I'd drop of as a friend - for her sake