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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H has just held me down by the throat

133 replies

mrsdoubtfiresspecs · 05/04/2014 15:48

Scared. Everything's in my name in including debt. We have 2 dc. I have no where to turn. What should I do?

OP posts:
overthemill · 05/04/2014 15:49

Call police. Or women's refuge . Do you have any family/friends close by ?

HoneyandRum · 05/04/2014 15:50

Call police, tell someone in RL asap

Are you alone? Where is he?

notapizzaeater · 05/04/2014 15:51

Has he gone ? Can you go anyway safe ?

Original poster
mrsdoubtfiresspecs · 05/04/2014 15:52

No family nearby. They all live abroad. He held me down in front of our children. I feel sick.

OP posts:
FreeLikeABird · 05/04/2014 15:52

Is he still there? Is there a friend or family member you can call?

FreeLikeABird · 05/04/2014 15:53

Sorry x posts, call the police.

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 05/04/2014 15:53

Call the Police. Now.

It is a huge marker for the level of danger he may be capable of.

You need it reported for so many reasons which will protect yourself and your DCs in the future.

Money is only money. Call the Police.

Original poster
mrsdoubtfiresspecs · 05/04/2014 15:53

He's downstairs with the dc. I've locked myself in the bathroom to try get my thoughts together & come on mn for advice/support.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsdoubtfiresspecs · 05/04/2014 15:55

If I call the police social services will get involved. I don't my DC on the child protection register.

OP posts:
Lozcat86 · 05/04/2014 15:55

Call police Thanks x

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 05/04/2014 15:56

In front of the children is even more worrying. Is he there? Are you safe?

Call the Police. They will access specialist dv services immediately for you to help you process what just happened.

Seriously. 999 this, immediately.

slartybartfast · 05/04/2014 15:56

they wont necessarily be on teh child proteciton register, and why wouldnt you want that anyway, it is just help that social services give.

Botanicbaby · 05/04/2014 15:57

Please call the police and have this logged OP. I know it's a scary step to take but it needs to happen for you and your DCs.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's never okay, never.

Darnley · 05/04/2014 15:58

Not calling the police is a bigger concern for social services and is more likely to result in child protection becoming involved. By calling the police you show that you are able to protect both yourself and the children.

Please call the police as soon as possible, and womens aid.

KittyCatKittyCat · 05/04/2014 15:59

You do want social services to be aware - imagine if he tried to pick them up from school in the future without your knowledge? Imagine if the kids needed support in the future - having SS and schools be aware will be a huge help, we look out for our kids and their families (Primary teacher).x

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 05/04/2014 15:59

I have just been through this over the last year. My DCs are not on the register. Providing you show you are acting to protect your children you will have the full support of SS.

Unfortunately 'acting to protect them' in this instance means phoning the police NOW. He has them alone. After what they have just witnessed they will be terrified.

Call 999.

bluntasabullet · 05/04/2014 16:00

Phone the police. If the house/flat/wherever you live is only in your name, ask the police to remove him.

bluntasabullet · 05/04/2014 16:00

Phone the police. If the house/flat/wherever you live is only in your name, ask the police to remove him.

whitesugar · 05/04/2014 16:00

That is terrible, I hope you are ok. It would be a good idea to call the police. Is it safe for you to stay in your home? I hope you have someone who can help you out. You must be in shock and panicking but please don't worry about debt or anything else at the moment. These things can all get sorted out. Just deal with what you have to do now which is to make sure yourself and DC are safe. If he has left the police may be able to prevent him from returning in the short term. If you have any injuries I recommend that you attend A&E.

Original poster
mrsdoubtfiresspecs · 05/04/2014 16:03

I'm hyperventilating. Recently, I've been thinking about divorcing him when the debt us paid off tbh.

He turned around & told me he's 'sick of my shit' (after I asked him why he was getting in a flap about putting up the blind) then held me down onto the sofa with force, with his hand around my neck, for a few seconds & shouted something in my face then kissed me hard on my cheek. I ran upstairs. My thoughts are all muddled just now.

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 05/04/2014 16:05

Please op do call the police. It's not ok. Are your children physically safe? Like someone else said, they will not "feel" safe after witnessing this and you need to protect yourself and them from more of this. I'm so sorry and know u must be terrified - the police knowing will help you in the short and long term. Take a deep breath.

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 05/04/2014 16:08

I know you are scared, and confused, and you feel as if if you call the Police you are throwing a bomb into your family life, and you don't know what the consequences will be.

HE HAS ALREADY thrown that bomb, and the consequences are HIS.

Please, call 999. You must act to make your DC safe. They are not emotionally or psychologically safe with him after what they just saw.

whitesugar · 05/04/2014 16:13

Sorry for xpost earlier. If you ring the police it will reassure your DC that you are in charge and send a message to them that what their father did was very wrong. This has happened to me and my DD didn't end up on a protection register. I was like you too scared to ring the police until I genuinely thought I would be killed. When I finally rang them it was the best thing I did and I regretted not doing it sooner. I know you are terrified but ringing the police is the best thing to do. Your H needs to get the message from the authorities that what he has done is not acceptable. The police may be able to have him removed from your home for a while to give you breathing space.

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 05/04/2014 16:13

Call the police now, there is only on way for this to go if you don't, it will escalate.

myroomisatip · 05/04/2014 16:14

You must call the police. Violence escalates. Your children need you. What if it was more serious next time? What will happen to them without you?

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