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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H has just held me down by the throat

133 replies

mrsdoubtfiresspecs · 05/04/2014 15:48

Scared. Everything's in my name in including debt. We have 2 dc. I have no where to turn. What should I do?

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 05/04/2014 16:51

No offence OP but a couple of hours ago you didn't think he would hold you down by the throat either!

The more you think about it, the more you will convince yourself not to call the police & will rationalise it.

whitesugar · 05/04/2014 16:53

I wish I had MN when I was locked in the bathroom terrified by my EXH. I wouldn't have let it go on for as long as it did if I had known other mums who had gone through this and knew how to get out of it. Try your best to take on board what people are saying to you. You do not deserve to be in this position and you can get yourself out of it.

AdoraBell · 05/04/2014 16:54

Before this did you believe that he would do what he has done?

I'm sure many people in abusive don't their beleve partner will kill them but unfortunately too any if them underestimate the scale of the risk they take by not reporting the abuse.

Please call the police, it really is necassary.

Joules68 · 05/04/2014 16:56

First attack on you straight in with hand on throat?

Op, women's aid flag this as most dangerous kind if attack. Men that do this are the ones who go on to kill. 2 women a week are killed in dv incidents

Report this. ( I have been there)

You need to know this is as dangerous as I can get. He's angry still. Get the police involved, if not for you then do it for your dc.

It's not unusual for dc to be taken/injured/ killed by an agitated parent. This is the most dangerous time

Act now. Please

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/04/2014 16:57

((Hug)) wishing you strength don't delay. You don't think he would kill you but you can't know that.

Joules68 · 05/04/2014 16:57

white I wish I had had MN too

tribpot · 05/04/2014 16:58

I don't think he would kill me.

I imagine that you didn't think he'd try to strangle you, either. This report from Refuge notes that strangulation is a "key risk for domestic homicide".

You don't know what he would do. No-one who stays with a partner who kills them thinks "he (or she) might kill me but what the hell, let's roll the dice". They think it won't escalate that far.

You need to act now.

Deflatedmum · 05/04/2014 17:01

Please phone the police, you need to make sure your all safe.

PleaseHelp1234 · 05/04/2014 17:03

You hate him. You're worried about your kids being on the SS register... but think

you report this now
1 - he leaves the house
2 - you can get support and advice from police on protecting your home
3 - you need this logged for his future visitation rights.

call the police

whitesugar · 05/04/2014 17:04

He might kill you accidentally by hitting you in the head or throwing you down stairs. It happens all the time. Could you go to your DSIS for support?

isitme1 · 05/04/2014 17:06

Op please call the police

WeAreDetective · 05/04/2014 17:07

Definitely call the police x

yegodsandlittlefishes · 05/04/2014 17:08

I don't think he would kill me.

I doubt very much that he knows what he would do to you when out of control in a fit of anger, so you cannot possibly know how far he would go. If he demonstrates enough control to stop short of killing you, then he could have the self control not to hurt you at all. (Cold blooded, and there is no knowing what could push him over the edge.)
If he isn't in control then he could lash out just a bit too much, push a bit too hard, hold you down a bit too long and kill you before he comes to his senses.

It is besides the point. Your DCs shouldn't be seeing violence between their parents and this needs to be the last time it ever happens to them.

Zipadeedoodaa · 05/04/2014 17:09

OP are you scared that he will hear you on the phone calling the Police? Is that what is stopping you?

Realistically, this is not just going to calm down. It is not as if you can just walk downstairs and put the kettle on and switch on the telly.

You need intervention, by the Police. They will remove him from the premises (not forcefully) and will give you all the support you need.

Please call them...

Joules68 · 05/04/2014 17:09

That's the worry... In cases like this he will realise he's in trouble. If he hurts you further op then what will become of the dc?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/04/2014 17:10

If he had done this in the street he would have been arrested. He has committed assault; this needs reporting by you to the police today.

I understand you are very fearful of him but a life living in fear is no life at all. He could have killed you earlier.

Lweji · 05/04/2014 17:10

People who put hands around throats are thinking of killing or making a threat to.
It wasn't even a slap, or a push, it was hands on your throat. It's easy to kill someone by accident in such situations.

Try to get someone in the house when you leave or tell him to leave.

I know it's really scary, but you have to get rid of this man.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 05/04/2014 17:10

OP, you cannot come back from this, it can't be undone. You really need to call the police, scary as it is. Your DC have witnessed what he's done, and there's no way he won't pull a stunt like this again, I'm afriad.

Lagos · 05/04/2014 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

onetiredmummy · 05/04/2014 17:19

Just to say OP if you don't call the police today, then it doesn't mean you can't post again next time.

When it happens again start another thread and someone will be here to help.

Hope you and the kids are OK Brew

Corabell · 05/04/2014 17:23

Call the police.

Your children need you to do so

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 05/04/2014 17:30

OP please call the police. He could have killed you - strangulation is the biggest DV red flag there is.

You need to get him out of there. Now.

glammanana · 05/04/2014 17:33

I do hope this girl has the courage to call the Police and get this animal away from her and her children,I shall worry now until we hear from her again I hope she is alright.
If you are reading the posts please get help and get away from this man he will not get better I promise you.

Changingfornow · 05/04/2014 17:35

I've been in a similar situation. I posted under a previous name, if it wasn't for the wonderful people here I wouldn't have called the police.

Dialling that number took every inch of courage I had and some. I was terrified of my exp's reaction but I did it.

Social services were involved but because I reported it and kept to the agreed supervised visits regarding the Dc they saw I was safeguarding my children, they pretty much left us to it for 6 months until they came back for a visit then closed the case.

Ex did nothing, skulked off, kept to the terms the police put on him.

Almost two years later life is so much better.

You really do need to call the police. If social services find out you did nothing then they will see it as you not safeguarding your children.

TheGingerBreadWoman · 05/04/2014 17:42

I always thought my exh would never cross 'that' line till one day he pinned me to the sofa with his hands round my throat and held a knife to my throat and told me he was going to kill me....I then realised that not only had he crossed the line a very long time ago but that he didn't even know where the line was. I consider myself extremely lucky to get out alive that night. Please call the police and protect your children and yourself - don't let fear of what he might do to you paralyse you. hugs