Daters/Online daters - what comments/behaviour instantly think "nope?"

[JonSnowKnowsNothing]

I'm mildly addicted to flicking through profiles on POF. Rarely meet anyone. Sometimes I end up chatting to people but mostly I barely even continue past a few messages. I know I'm intolerant but so many things annoy me:

• Self-proclaimed music snobs who send you links to "awesome" bands and have a 30 strong list of the most obscure bands possible on their profile. Hate being forced to listen to some else's music - it just guarantees I will dislike it.
  
• Men who try so hard to sound reasonable and "modern man" but slip up with gems such as "I don't mind you having your own career," or "looking for a passionate girl but not TOO opinionated, lol."
  
• Anyone who tells anyone to "jog on" (cringe)
  *People who message, then follow it up five minutes later with "You there?" "Not talking then?" or "Oh...ok then....bye."
  
  What are your instant turn-offs?
  
  Disclaimer - I'm very aware I'm not perfect and probably have many irritating aspects to my personality!

[MadeMan]

"It annoys me (though maybe I'm a bit defensive) how many men my age (mid-forties) are looking for women from 25 right up to their age."

They're probably just covering all possible options. 20 years age difference might be a bit much really, but I suppose there has to be a cutoff point somewhere. Besides, some women do go for older men of 10+ years than themselves.

[confuddledDOTcom]

Do any of you use the one that is free for women?

[Trills]

The trouble with "average" is that the actual average person in the UK is overweight. But that's not what you mean, is it?

[Trills]

Anyone who starts their allowable age at 18 is a definite no for me.

If you think you'd have a meaningful interaction (or even just an interesting date) with an 18 year old then you either like very different things to me or you are just too dim for me to be interested in you.

[Scarletohello]

I recently had an email from a 40 year old guy who didn't use any capital letters or punctuation and also wrote an lol in it. I made some sarky comment about it and he said, sorry I didn't realise it was an exam! Didn't put him off tho...

When someone is careless and lazy with stuff like that it really puts me off them, am I just a pedantic snob? How do other people feel?

[BillyBanter]

'..playing my guitar'

[AdeleNazeem]

my pet peeve is 'people say I look younger then I am'.... shorthand for 'I'm having a mid life crisis'. (and generally, they don't!)

People who rant on about exes

Men whose first message is an insult. oh, p**s off....! it didn't impress me much at 8 when the boys pulled my pigtails either!

I had a pof profile and you could specify that messages had to be 50 characters or 100 characters, something like that. (to stop the messages which just said hi lol) ... the number of times i would get a message that said 'hi lol' then filled up with just a bunch of xxxs and then 'you made me put that' . Jeez.

[niceupthedance]

Yy Billy, guitar players can do one. Just conjures up images of too much self-introspection and feathery strokery bullshit.

[ComingtoKent]

I met my partner on PoF five years ago, so my stories are a bit old now. But back then there were plenty of photos obviously taken on a webcam with no top on and probably just in their pants. In god's name why?

One comment about the spelling/grammar thing. I too am a real stickler and my now partner's spelling was terrible (even with spellcheck), but he wrote in proper sentences and his personality came through so I gave him a chance. Turned out to be sharp and funny, running a very successful business but is dyslexic (although he only reluctantly accepted this recently). Moral of the story is to maybe give people a chance if they're making an effort.

However, obviously hanging is too good for anyone over 18 who uses text speak.

I also second everyone who advises meeting up sooner rather than later, certainly within a couple of weeks of making contact. I met lots of nice men, only one out and out liar (knocked 13 years off his age) and, finally after about 9 months, my lovely partner.

[GhettoFabulous]

Yes to all of the above, and to men who "don't suffer fools gladly" - shorthand for "I am a massive, arrogant knob."

One thing I really hated when ID was men who are just so passive, it's like pulling teeth to get any information out of them.

They message with a bland "How are you?" type opener, generally have a load of generic nonsense on their profile, and when you ask them to tell you something about themselves say "What do you want to know?"

Well I don't know, pal, you messaged me, do some leg work!

[LoisPuddingLane]

Oh yes, the webcam pictures. They almost invariably look like serial killers, or Lesley Grantham.

[LoisPuddingLane]

Oh and one word answers. Or not asking anything back. Like they're too cool for that. NEXT!

[confuddledDOTcom]

I was talking to someone in the chatroom of the site, he was saying that he didn't have a picture because he's been banned from uploading them after he posted a topless picture. People were a bit skeptical so he told me to add him on Kik. I can't stop looking at him (I feel like a dirty old woman though as he's about 10 years younger than me)

Oh and I've just added Tinder and been laughing as I tick off all the ones you've already posted that I had missed on the website.

[PigletUnrepentant]

"Hiya sexy, wanna chat?"

Quickest turn off, men who talk to much about their pets, men who are far too besoted with their DDs (i even had one saying that for him, his 8 year old dd was his partner and companionship, that that was the relationship he was in so, he was just looking for someone to provide the "lust" he was missing on his life, obviously... I ran to the hills).

Another HUGE turn off are men who really enjoy talking about how they financially destroyed their exes during the divorce, men who have no regular contact with their children, especially those who claim to have given up because the ex was being "nasty".

[confuddledDOTcom]

I think I can beat you all now. Just had a man go cold on me because I told him I use crutches. I don't normally tell people unless I'm going to meet them because they always ask if they'll hurt me and I don't want it to be a question (a. they can't compete with the pain and b. pain doesn't bother me )

I can't believe how horrible he's made me feel about myself. I don't care about him, glad to find he's a disablist now than later.

Question - he's a

[HandragsNGladbags]

This was a while ago as been with DH 8 years who I met OD.

Anyone wanting any type of sex talk before we met, not happening.

The man who asked me to meet him to have sex in his car on the second message, and if we got on physically we could see if we wanted to date. Hmm, tempting.

The man who I arranged to meet but then he pulled out at the last minute and vanished. I say vanished he still sent me the same opening message to my march account once every month to six weeks, until I told him to piss off. Clearly he couldn't remember who he was messaging.

Anyone who called me babe - but I accept that is a personal dislike

Bad language and bad spelling and punctuation.

Finally, this shouldn't be the case, but I found that any man older than 30 and still living with his mother was a complete gimp if I did meet up with him. Therefore while I may be being unfair I would have to add that to the list.

[HandragsNGladbags]

*match not march account

[HandragsNGladbags]

Oh and how could I forget the transvestite! We dated a couple of times, it didn't work out so he asked if he could use my flat to get changed into his gear. That would be no.

[Whiskwarrior]

Yesterday I was 'matched' with someone who, in one of his photos, is holding a gun.

Do I win?

[HandragsNGladbags]

Macho!

[knittedknickers]

Depends if you, too, like guns, Whiskwarrior!
I don't think it does say that, Mademan. I think it says that these men want women much younger than them and definitely not a day older. One guy I know, who is 44, recently complained that women in their forties just look awful. He is overweight, not very intelligent and not that pleasant, so I guess that says it all. He's got loads to offer any lucky lady. (Even if he was gorgeous looking I don't think he'd have much to offer with that attitude).

[CuChullain]

@GinUtero Wed 02-Apr-14 17:27:40

“CuChullain I'm assuming curvy put you off because it's sometimes a euphemism for fat?”

Sadly, in my experience, it did kind of become a euphemism for ‘fat’. It annoyed me as amongst other traits I was ideally looking for a curvy women, not some pencil thin size 0 type of women, nor an overweight women. Its no different to some guy describing himself as ‘athletic’ only for him to be a few stone overweight and non-active, he is basically lying to you. Its not about being shallow, its about looking the right raft of attributes when looking for a life partner. I am a very active outdoorsy person, I spend my weekends up in the hills or playing rugby, it would hardly work as a relationship if a dated someone who did nothing. One of the many attributes that drew me towards Mrs CuChullain was the fact that she participated in sports and kept fit, she was also curvy, she had an hourglass figure, hips and a bust and I found that very attractive. To be blunt I don’t find unfit overweight people very attractive, and if you are describing yourself as curvy when you are in fact just overweight then you are wasting everyone’s time.

[PigletUnrepentant]

Knitted, I agree with you, and perhaps also with many other women (And men!!!)

There are quite a lot of people online looking for:

A girl, who is intelligent, slim, smart, has a good sense of style, has always a smile on her face and is down to earth. The younger the better.

A man, who is intelligent, ambitious, well paid, fit, takes care of its appearance, and looks like someone out of a magazine advert.

Every time someone asks for so much I look at their picture and think... Geez! do you want to borrow a mirror, to have a reality check and then look for someone in your same league???

[PigletUnrepentant]

I had someone who asked me in his first email whether I would like to cook and clean his house.

I replied that if he could keep me in style, I was happy to manage the domestic help in his behalf... the conversation that followed was one of my highlights in POF.