Daters/Online daters - what comments/behaviour instantly think "nope?"

[JonSnowKnowsNothing]

I'm mildly addicted to flicking through profiles on POF. Rarely meet anyone. Sometimes I end up chatting to people but mostly I barely even continue past a few messages. I know I'm intolerant but so many things annoy me:

• Self-proclaimed music snobs who send you links to "awesome" bands and have a 30 strong list of the most obscure bands possible on their profile. Hate being forced to listen to some else's music - it just guarantees I will dislike it.
• Men who try so hard to sound reasonable and "modern man" but slip up with gems such as "I don't mind you having your own career," or "looking for a passionate girl but not TOO opinionated, lol."
• Anyone who tells anyone to "jog on" (cringe) *People who message, then follow it up five minutes later with "You there?" "Not talking then?" or "Oh...ok then....bye."

What are your instant turn-offs?

Disclaimer - I'm very aware I'm not perfect and probably have many irritating aspects to my personality!

Punched in the face while fucked?! Bloody hell!
I remember posting on here a while ago on a OD topic about a married bloke from Market Harborough who'd been asking me to embark upon the most amazing adventure of my life.... Ie an affair with him. Must admit, I was surprised and GUTTED to find a few other MNers had received similar messages from the same chap.

I loved walkacrossthesand and singingbird's guy - pretty sure he is the same one.

However, if anyone ever says this:
"I enjoy listening to all types of music (not rap)"
I assume they're racist.

Anyone that attributes a genre of music to an ethnicity I would assume was very narrow minded.

I would run a mile from anyone who won't consider dating someone their own age.

Agree about the all action heroes and fish holders too.

Also a huge number of men put on their profiles that they can cook. Well so what? I certainly aren't going to do it for you.

"I enjoy listening to all types of music (not rap)"
I assume they're racist.

One of the most bizarre things I've read. DP is Jamaican (met through on line dating. I'm white) and I hate rap music but have never associated it with any sort of ethnicity . Not sure he's overly keen to either. Prefers R & B

I hate R&B AND rap. I dread to think what people must make of me!

I've seen ones where they have posted a half empty pint pot amongst the other photos of fish/cars/motorbikes. Why? Seriously, why?

You assume they're racist if they don't like rap? How odd. And possibly racist to assume that all rap music is produced by black artists!

I don't like a lot of rap music either. Or heavy metal. What are you going to assume about me TondelayoSchwarzkopf?

The men who aren't' precise as to whether they want any more children or not, even though they have adult children and possibly grandchilldren.

I'm talking about men I their late 40s upwards, surely you know by that age if you are wanting another child.

I take this to mean I want to fuck a much younger woman and don't want to ruin my chances of a shag by saying I don't want a child with her.

That's probably right, Simplesusan.

Another pet hate, and I realise this is just me, is those who say they don't smoke - and in one of their profile pics they are smoking.

Have you noticed as well that EVERYONE is a only a social drinker, yet 90% of men's profile pictures show them on a big boozy night out!

I don't want to derail further what is a funny thread however

If someone says 'I don't like rap' - I think nothing further of it and assume they don't like rap.

If someone says "I enjoy listening to all types of music (not rap)" - I think there is a reason for singling out that one genre. Presumably he has no problem with industrial techno, Gregorian chanting and death metal? And he enjoys K-Pop?

I also said 'I assume' - not 'they definitely are' - I could be wrong. This view is based on my own experience of certain people who have a specific often stated aversion to rap music and it is because it is primarily produced by (loud) black men and women.

Also it is ridiculous to deny that almost every genre of music (bluegrass, ragtime, electrofolk, techno, reggae, disco, highlife, salsa country, heavy metal, Britpop) arises out of a specific historical, social and ethnic context. Of COURSE I don't think all rappers are black. Of COURSE I think that hip hop was a genre developed and primarily produced by black urban Americans.

Now back to OD. Sorry for the derail.

Profiles that state "I like going out and also staying in" - and/or looking for someone with a good sense of humour - who isn't? Who doesn't think they have a good sense of humour - they just may find Benny Hill funny and you don't! Met my dp online 10 years ago and we have lovely dd together so can't be all bad... Would say don't get into long deep conversations with people for ages as you get a false feeling of familiarity and then gets awkward when you meet and there is no attraction on either yours or their side (both isn't quite so bad!)

derailing, I think a country and bluegrass listening middle aged white man who goes out of his way to mention he dislikes rap is going to end up being a teeny bit racist. It's not like you'd expect him to be in the core rap-listening demographic if he didn't mention it, which begs the question why bring it up if not trying to subtly infer something.

MENTIONITIS.

I am not a massive hiphop fan but would never consider mentioning it as it never comes up in conversation, if it did I could still name songs I like & talk about it. I also can't stand cool or avant garde jazz but a) I know I'm irrational and B) nobody cares so NO ONE knows this, which makes me think someone who goes so far as to state their dislike on an OD profile has some deep seated issues.

I got what you meant about rap.

Those who pose in sunglasses...indoors! I asked one man if he was visually impaired because of this. He explained he'd just come in from outdoors and hadn't had a chance to remove his shades yet. Oh really? Nothing to do with thinking you look cool wearing them indoors then?(which you really don't BTW, you just look like a wanker)

Photos of the men having dolphin experiences, i.e. swimming in a pool with a captive one. How do you think the dolphin likes living that way you twats!?

Men who say, in answer to the "where would you go on a first date" question, say "it's the lady's choice as always". Bleurgh! No it's not mate, where we go on a first date is something we discuss and decide together.

Men who try to come over all lord and master and think it's sexy. Did I give any indication in my profile that I am a sub? No, so fuck off with your "I'm going to dominate you" shite.

I did an awful lot of dating on match/timeout before meeting Mrs.

The following generally made me click on ‘next’:

Any profile pics that includes one of the women hugging cat/dog , you just know you will always be of second importance to said cat/dog

Text speak

Arty photos, you know the sort, black and white studio shot, the oh so casual “here is a soft focus photo of me in a classic 50s cocktail dress looking alluring and coquettish as I gaze out of the French windows that look onto the manicured country estate gardens”. Yes those photos do exist, and the screamed ‘narcissist’ at me. Same goes with people who only seem to possess photos of them in a bikini in various reclining poses on some faraway beach.

Anything alluding towards wackiness “I’m just crazy me, I just don’t know what I am going to do next…wooooooo”

“I like the finer things in life”. Hey, who the hell doesn’t but I get the distinct impression you are not in the habit of funding said fine things yourself

“If you want to know more just mail me” I am too lazy to write a profile and I am arrogant enough to think that one profile pic is enough to get people to contact me.

“Bodytype: Curvy” – the most misused word in the world of internet dating.

Photos that suspiciously show the women with her arm around the shoulder of some hunk who has been cropped out of the frame.

Women who post a long list of what they don’t like….too short…fat…bald…not a professional….etc

Overly cutesy usernames, FluffyBunny, PinkFeatherBoawithSequins, Baby_Kittens etc – guaranteed to be nuttier then squirrel shit

Anyone sporting ‘Hello Kitty’ branded clothing in their photos……………still some growing up to do there I think

I've picked out bits of messages from my inbox from a dating site:

"Alone in a hotel room, you look sexy..." No. I'm not up for random mystery shags any more.

"hey how are you". No punctuation or capitals. Too lazy.

"sex on legs". 10 out of 10 for accuracy, but lazy again.

"I can accom this Tuesday and Wednesday night...". You mean your partner is out he house for a couple of days. No thanks.

"Tiggy i know to true that an unworthy,useless miscreant like me shall never be deemed worthy...etc" Um...the other problem with this message was that they had obviously arranged it so that they could copy and paste it to lots of people and only have to change my name at the start of each line. I didn't feel very special getting it. Useless miscreant!

"Fancy meeting up, you look very snoggable xxxx " All a bit too quick. I look far slightly less snoggable in real life.

The problem tends to be people moving too quick and hoping for a shag on the first date, or lazy writing that gives the impression that they're playing the numbers game and hoping for one positive response out of the thousand messages they send. I wouldn't reply to any of the above.

I still don't understand why someone would assume that if a person liked blues, R&B, reggae, Bhangra, jazz but not rap, that they were racist. Bizarre

What if they liked rap by Eminem, The Beastie Boys, Vanilla Ice, and GLC, all white bands?

Schwarzkopf has a very unusual mind. Not liking rap does not mean racist.

CuChullain I'm assuming curvy put you off because it's sometimes a euphemism for fat?

I was in a quandary about this when I joined Match. A size 12/14 with a large bust, I didn't class myself as slim, nor was I carrying 'a few extra pounds' and as for 'average' - well who wants to be average?

I thought what the hell and ticked the 'curvy' box under body type.

I met my husband two months after I joined, so it can't be that off-putting.

I get really fed up of saying "thank you" to the million people who tell me each day how beautiful/ sexy/ whatever I am. It kind of loses it's meaning somehow.

Or am I just being ungrateful?

I had one incredibly explicit message (that I'm sure was not just for me, and he probably sent to lots at the same time)...saying he is off work that day and if I go over he will do this, that and the other to me....so I decided to mess about and I replied to ask where he is....I got a rather quick reply back and it turned out he was about 10 minutes away!! (I obviously didn't tell him where I was!!) Needless to say, I didn't pursue it further.

(it isn't what I'm looking for, although he was quite young, and incredibly good looking - if that was his real pic!!)

Re not liking rap - I think I might think it was an age thing - ie he is sort of saying he likes good old fashioned music, and is calling anything 'modern' rap and lumping that all together - does that make sense or is that complete rubbish?!

What's with the pics of them in the bath? And tattoo pics? This thread is great.

This thread is brilliant - I so want to meet Singingbird's guy. He had read too many Jilly Cooper novels in his youth. It annoys me (though maybe I'm a bit defensive) how many men my age (mid-forties) are looking for women from 25 right up to their age. Or even state, rather abruptly '40 MAX'!!! Also when they say they're looking for a 'girl' - hmm 'woman' surely?