The Dating Thread 72

[LizzieBelle]

Welcome

That's what I think, Hansel. I just don't trust him now. He will either just not reply at all, or tell me that he wants to speak with me in person and that I should have said something to him when I was there. But when I was there, I didn't know what it was. I just saw the name of a site I didn't recognise and made a note of it to check it out later.

But you're right, it is so at odds. When I'm with him I don't doubt how he feels for a second - he's not secretive, he leaves his email account open (I could look whenever he left the room if I wanted to) he leaves his mobile lying around and unlocked. I've never had the impression that he's 'hiding' anything from me. I met his friends a fortnight ago and when he hadn't mentioned it since, I thought perhaps they'd said they hadn't liked me, but he told me yesterday that they'd really liked me and had suggested that we all go out again. Then he apologised. When I asked him why he'd apologised he said, "well I'm just aware you might not have liked them. I don't want you to feel obliged to go out with them again if you don't want to. It's ok". When I told him not to be daft and that I'd really liked them (which was true) he said, "good, I'm really pleased. I was just looking out for you. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable". He was taking me to stay with his mum in her house for the week. It just doesn't make any sense. But then I have to tell myself that some men people manage to deceive the person they live with, married and had children with for years and years... and that person doesn't have a clue.

dont I've PM'd you.

Folk You don't have to tell people he didn't like you enough at all. You're looking at it from the wrong angle - you tell them that you ended it because he wasn't what you were looking for. If they question further, just say you found things out that meant you couldn't trust him. Has he replied to your message yet?

Jarlin Wow, sounds like a confusing weekend. Maybe his issues are due to his age - it certainly sounds like it. The fact that he tried to reassure you that it wasn't you and tell you he still feels the same about you shows that it's more of a physical problem than an emotional one. Do you think he'd be willing to see his GP about it? I really think that his ED problems and your issues around your exes are two separate things. Exes have a way of leaving us insecure and full of issues that we never had before meeting them . I had counselling to help me through the issues from my ex and came out of it a completely different person (metaphorically, obvs ). Is that something you might consider?

Scorned Sorry you're having a crap time too, feel free to offload here anytime.

SoftKitty You're right of course, but it still feels like the reality is that I'm not good enough. If I was good enough, he wouldn't have been on the sites in the first place.

I've sent you a pm, Folk.

Sorry it's been an awful weekend for so many of you. Not much happening here, date with Jaded on Friday. Not sure I'm emotionally resilient enough to cope with dating yet, but I can't mourn geeky forever and this is the first guy I've actually liked a lot so far. I'm trying to make myself stronger. You can never relax.

One thing struck me this week. I man messaged me on pof. He looked very sweet, but he was very unattractive and said he didn't know what to do on dates as he'd never had a relationship. I think I'd rather have the pain and the hurt than never experience it at all, but I don't know if I'd have said that two months ago. I just thought of that poor, lonely man who's never had his heart broken.

Hello just catching uo with you all and am going to add another miserable wend to the list!!

Folk I am very disappointed in your man, he sounded so promising Will be interesting to see what he has to say for himself though

Jarlin that sounds awful, I do think he has a bit of a cheek to suggest his issues are anything to do with compatibility!! It sounds like he needs to see a Dr tbh.

Well my wend has been pretty dire as well, have been feeling iffy since last Wed (sore throat, temp, heavy cold) managed to get through work on Friday and was really hoping to be feeling better by yesterday. Had made plans with Smallfeet to meet him in town, have some lunch and to take dd to the park.

However I felt really ropey, got myself nearly to the point of getting out the door and then threw up!! So rang him saying I am feeling ill and didn't know what to do, he was understanding and said he would pop over to see me at home. He came over but it was a bit weird as all I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa, he entertained dd for a bit. Then I felt like I had to make the effort so we went down to the local park, got back and watched a film. But by this point I just wanted him to go so said something like 'I think I might send you home now' in a nice way. Well he went and I have heard nothing from him since. I think I pissed him off and now he has pissed me off by not even texting to ask how I am feeling

Have had a nicer day today, dd has been very sweet and went over to my mums for the afternoon.

I would def come and live on that island (as long as dd could come as well!!)

I'm going to do some work this evening, have a couple of glasses of Prosecco and watch The Woman in Black.

I'm getting a new laptop, and changing my broadband provider and subscribing to LoveFilm.

I'm going to spend the evenings I'm not out with friends/hobbies/the children watching films and avoiding the real world.

I think he will miss me. I believe that he did like me. I just wasn't enough

It is just so weird that a man would introduce you to friends and family and act in a genuine way and then still be looking around!

I am starting to realise that I might be a bit insecure relationshipwise. If I don't hear from him for a while I assume he has gone off me.

I know OFG I just don't get it at all. If I'm honest, I think he thought I wouldn't find out and it's just something he does to pass the evenings when he's home alone.

He assures me he hasn't dated anyone else since we first met. 'Dated' though. He might have 'hooked up' with women though and I wouldn't know about it.

Look, in the nicest possibly way, I just want to tell all of you who think you're 'not good enough' for a man or who are sad that a man 'didn't like you enough' to keep in touch/stop going on dating sites/commit to you, that it is not you, it's them. They are not good enough for you, they are not right for you, they are not worthy of you. I know we all have our insecurities - me included - but please, please stop putting yourselves down like this.

nicest possible way, ffs

Joining the dating is shit club, book me a room on the island.

Jarlin I'm not really in control. I'm crying and my heart hurts. I'm only being so definite on here to try and convince myself that I'm doing the right thing.

I had protected myself by not falling for him, but I really wanted to be proved wrong. And I haven't been. Sometimes there's little comfort in being proved right.

My daughter's just put Grease on for half an hour before bed (we're still working on the 'old' clock today) but I'm not sure I'm in the mood for it. I started crying in the kitchen earlier because I burnt the pizza!

soft I agree totally! All of you ladies sound so lovely, it's the men that need to look at themselves.

jarlin you are probably right, my brother said pretty much the same thing. I just don't feel like I have anything to apologise for and yet that is what I will end up doing

I still haven't heard anything from him, whats telling is I am not really that bothered. I seriously wonder if I am cut out for relationships, I just like my independence too much and all this sulking crap does my head in!!

folk

I've just read the terms and conditions of the site.

You have to be over 13 to join. It isn't marketed as a dating site. But some people on it certainly seem to be using it that way.

SoftKitty I won't ever trust another man, ever.

Sorry most people. I've seen cock shot profile pictures...

Jarlin If it's any small consolation, I can imagine just how you're feeling now.

Fucking Hopelessly Devoted To You.

I wasn't, but still, not what I needed to hear...

Oh yuck Folk it does seem like he didn't want to get found out and thought he wouldn't get found out. Sounds like he was playing a clever game though introducing you to family and friends etc.

Do you think as he didn't have kids etc maybe he wasn't on quite same page as you, liked you but maybe wanted to keep his options open hence site?

Jarlin I think I've had that ages ago but not properly but it really does make you feel like shit doesn't it? Despite what they say about age etc. depends how much you want to carry on.

Well I've maybe got a date end of week man I know but think it's just be me getting attention? Is that wrong? He asked me out 2 years ago I think but I said no.

And Kent Lad rang me at 2pm when out with mum for lunch, I saw number but phone was in bag. I'd deleted number but recognised it. I don't think I'll ring him but .

to Folk and jarlin I know how shit it is when life doesn't work out re love.

I saw a friend I hadn't seen since last December and she said when she'd seen me that was the happiest she'd seen me (when I was with Kent Lad) that's in 5 years of friendship!

Hello Yes, I think he wanted to keep his options open.

I wish I could think it was his loss. But I don't. I don't think it's mine particularly, there were things about him that meant he wouldn't have been someone I'd 'settle down' with, but as I wasn't looking for that it didn't matter.

I did say earlier, but it might have got lost, that I said I'd sent the email, but hadn't. I intended to do it immediately afterwards and didn't want to bottle it. But bottled it anyway. I've reread and tweaked the email but have finally just sent it because, Hello I think you hit the nail on the head. He liked me, but was still keeping his options open and whilst I wasn't looking for 'forever' I do feel quite vulnerable and need to protect myself.

I've logged off my email so I can't keep checking for his reply. I'm sure I'll check on it before too long though...

I have stuff to do this evening now which will keep me busy.

Just so, so sad and heavy hearted

My son asked if I was ok earlier and if something had happened over the weekend. I just said I was fine, but that something had made me think that the this man was not someone I could trust or was worthy of being in our lives. He's been so lovely. I've had cups of tea in a steady supply, he told me that he and his sister love me very much and that if a man made me feel like this then he didn't deserve me. He really is a lovely boy.

It just makes me sad to think that it was difficult enough believing someone found me attractive in the first place. I just don't see it's ever going to happen again.

Island it is then girls.
Where would you like it to be? I'm thinking Indian Ocean. We need to pool our talents. We will have a cage in the middle where we can keep a few 'specimen' men who can be let out to do 'men jobs' like un-bung loos. Apart from that, they're banned. Looks like I have my first few passengers. Anyone else?