The Dating Thread 72

[LizzieBelle]

Welcome

Folk-there are loads of posts on these threads about women who discover their boyfriends have active profiles on dating sites after having been dating for a few months and after having agreed to be exclusive. Your situation is not one of those.the site you saw was notna dating site and you could find no profile on it. I think all your issues about relationships and self-esteem have caused you to do what you have done. He has not done anything wrong and you need to have a good face-to-facr chat with him about this. He sounds far too nice to throw thw relatinship away because of this. Good luck.

Jarlin-I can assure you that however bad you thought about the ED,he felt and feels a hundred times worse. The pressure is much more on men to "perform" during sex and that can result in quite a bit of pressure. His sexually incompatible statement may have just been out of frustration and embarassment and you should not take it as how he really feels. And his embarassment could be the reason why you have not heard from him. If besides the ED issue you really like him,then you should support him in getting help with his ED.

I forget who it was who let one of their postmen know that one of the reasons that she is not continuing with him is because he is too thin for her. If a bloke dumped a woman and told her it was because she was too fat or that her breasts were too small,then people here would rightly be very angry.And the "too thin for me" comment is no different. Some things you should not mention when it comes dating.

I had a third date with Paddington.It went very well. No butterflies in the stomach yet, but we do like being with each other very much. The problem is that she is now on another continent for the next two months. We have not even mentioned being exclusive (after all we have only had 3 dates) and we have exchanged sweet messages since the third date. But should I continue online dating in the mean time?

dont I think it is going ok I just wish I could get over the insecurity that it seems to have brought out of me.

Good luck with the book!

hi all, can i join in? bit of a lurker, iv been following the threads so i kno u have all had up and down experiences with regards to dating. i hope those having a bad time at the minute feel abit better today.
i joined pof a few weeks ago, definatly a case of the good the bad and the ugly lol
i have given my number to one man yesterday, arranged a date for next week, but im a bit worried, hes been texting quite abit, last night he was been quite open in telling me a few things, such as, he has a v high sex drive, all his previous relationships have only lasted up to 6 months, they have all ended it due to him being 'too nice', he says he falls very quickly. hes late twenties and im mid thirties, iv just come out of a 16 yr relationship with 3 dcs, i dont want anything heavy, n im worried that hes going to be a needy sex mad stalker type! are these red flags or am i being over cautious??

Folk I think lunch will help.

I've now got I think a maybe flirtation going with my brother's friend but don't know if its as friends though? He's 40, single and good looking. Maybe I'm reading too much into it....

Thank you again.

ordinarybloke Thank you. I hope you're right.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this over the last 24 hours. I think a lot of is it that as much as I want to believe him, I can hear my mother's voice (although I've heard it so many times, it just sounds a lot like mine now) saying, "of course he's lying to you. All men lie." "Why would he be interested in you" with that disgusted curl of the lip and excited flash of the eyes that she reserved only for me.

And whilst I can't believe that all men lie, I mean not any more than women. It can't be genetic! unless they do and it's just become cultural but I can't see why anyone wouldn't lie to me. And why would he be interested in me?

I've realised I am just looking for 'evidence' that I've 'caught him out'. I've been looking for ways to expose him. But not really so that I can be cross with him, or punish him. Really, just so that I can reassure myself once and for all that I do know where I stand with regards to men/relationships/dating/love in general; away from my mother, away from my exH and so that I can strike it off my list/out of my life once and for all.

It's not that I don't think I'm worthy of this man in particular, just that I'm not really worthy of any of it in general.

Not only that, but I'm very aware that if I do decide to trust him and he breaks that trust, it would destroy me and I don't think I'd ever be able to come back from that.

4free talking about a high sex drive and painting himself as the "too nice" victim of previous relationships would put me off.

yeah its put me off, im going to have to cancel the date. such a shame because we've been chatting a few days and he seemed nice enough, its disappointing when they turn out to be exactly what your trying to avoid. Thankyou for replying/advising.

folk enjoy your lunch, listen to what he has to say. hopefully it'l be what you need/want to hear.

I agree, that is offputting 4free.

Good luck, Folk - I'll be thinking of you. Hope the lunch goes well.

The chapter titles of my online dating book are making me laugh. So far we have:
Contents
Introduction: What brings a woman like you to a book like this?

Chapter 1: Getting that profile down, girl!

Chapter 2: U R da sexyist lukin woman i have eva seen on dis site…or what to avoid.

Chapter 3: The 10 rules of dating. Ignore them at your peril!

Chapter 4: First date fears.

Chapter 5: Some of the folks you might meet.

Chapter 6: Don’t row the boat: Be Emily!

Chapter 7: If you hold my willy it helps with my sense of direction.

Chapter 8: Not tonight, dear, I’m playing ping pong.

Chapter 9: Eating cheese in bed and other bad habits.

Chapter 10: Red Flags – when your date isn’t what they appear to be.

Chapter 11: Pass me the ice cream, Francesca…or how to cope if it all goes wrong.

Chapter 12: You know the ‘one’ doesn’t exist, right?

If it gets published I'll be kind and send geeky a free copy

4Free life is too short for mind games.

I beginning to think OLD is making me very cynical but in one way has made me realise what I want. I have no time for commitmentphobes, people who are fixated about their kids to the extent of excluding everything else, people who are still in love with someone else and insist on telling you about it on first date, Men who do not have enough money to buy me a drink. I think I need to find a better filtering system.

i think i may delete my pof profile, im finding it all very disheartening, maybe im asking for too much, but all i want is a relatively normal guy whos capable of a conversation about something other than his cock, car or ex! lol

Dont I'll buy it for Chapter 6 alone! Because it's a good title and I have no idea what it means!

Oh and eating cheese in bed is NOT a bad habit. Not if it's a baked camembert with homemade crusty bread...

4free I think there are fewer of those on paid sites. I wouldn't even consider POF.

jarlin I am going through a disheartening stage, am on POF and Plenty more Fish, which as a paid site, both seem to have equal number of odd balls. Never tried Match, is it worth a go?

i think im going to take a break from it for a couple of weeks, its hardwork, i dont open up easily, so when i do like someone and let them in, and then they end up just like the others its just too disappointing.
i have quickly learnt to just delete and move on with the instant messages on pof, thats gotton easier, this is the first time i have ever given my phone number to someone, the first time i have agreed to a date, and it'l be the first time i have to 'dump' someone by text.....all trial and error i suppose :/

Well I met him for lunch.

We didn't get long to talk really and neither of us wanted to get into anything too heavy on his lunch hour... We are going to do that the next time we see each other properly.

But the bottom line is that, from his point of view,...

I am his girlfriend.

He hasn't seen anyone else since he met me (he's said that several times actually).

He isn't keeping his options open.

"There is no other option, I have chosen you".

He wouldn't be taking me to another country to meet his family or have introduced me to his friends if he didn't, you know...

He's not going to do anything that would hurt me.

The next time I am worried, I've got to talk to him.

Part of us being together means that I can talk to him when there's something on my mind. I don't have to come home and worry myself silly.

I am beautiful.

And there you have it.

All that and from someone I only messaged because it was 4 in the morning and I was feeling brave. I wouldn't have thought someone like him would have been interested in me in the cold light of day!

Well, he is. And he's a lovely man. And attractive. And kind. And softly spoken. And intelligent. And solvent. And he said he, you know...

Mother, you were wrong. I only wish you knew, it would choke you.

ordinarybloke it was me that made a comment about my date being too thin. I didn't say that to him - what do you take me for???

I am a tall 5' 10" lady whose shoulders and hips were wider than his!! So for me it was a personal thing, like some men prefer women with long hair, pure personal choice. he was also going bald, which was not an issue with me at all whereas for some women it would be!

I have now got a date with postie#2 on Saturday.

Mr Green says he can't meet me because his car is unreliable??? Mmmm?

Folk he does sound lovely and you sound like you're in a much better place. Did he offer an explanation as to why that site was showing up?

Delighted you spoke to him folk.. hopefully you will relax a bit now :-)
Back on pof and joined tinder. .. chatting to a couple of nice guys on pof .. chatting to one guy from tinder but turns out he only wants sex !
One guy I was chatting to previously to on pof.. turns out has a girlfriend. . "Not very serious " according to him but I'm not interested in attached guys... so that ended that

Folk - I have been following your messages and hoping for a happy outcome. I'm SO pleased you met with him and spoke and I am rooting for you and your relationship with your boyfriend

You definitely deserve to be loved and I wish you all the best