The Dating Thread 72

[LizzieBelle]

Welcome

I did have that lingering uncertainty.

I had put it down to my trust issues but also decided that if it turned out to be something, rather than nothing, then I'd at least know my red flag radar was working.

The thing is, no one ever fancies me, or talks to me. I haven't been approached by a man since I was 20. Oh, sorry, a married man chatted me up before Christmas . Go me.

I can't even go and cry on a RL friend's shoulder, I've got too much to do and it's mother's day.

My heart hurts though

Not that there were any red flags. Just gut feeling I suppose. But I ignored it because, as my posts on here showed, I've had a shitty time in the past and he does come across as a genuinely lovely man.

jarlin so sorry to hear that your weekend wasn't as good as you had hoped. some men just have these issues in middle age, my last couple of blokes of this age have been awful in bed including my Mr cute. But it is not your fault. Can you not get round this if you really like him? He is talking about it at least, and you know he likes you.

Folk I'm so sorry to hear this news :-( I don't understand these men, I really don't.

Shit, isn't it, Jarlin?

The thing is, I've looked at the site in more detail. It doesn't appear to be specifically a dating/hook up site. Perhaps more of a 'social networking' thing. It offers features such as "photos, messages, comments, votes, discussion groups, forums ..." but yes, voting on members based on their photos. And there's definitely a dating/hook up element at the very least to it - member profiles include whether they are single and if they have webcams, but people can only give info about themselves, not what they're looking for.

A couple of profiles I've read are from married people who appear to be using it just to chat to others.

But I'm not sure if it really makes any difference.

Maybe the reason I can't find him on there is because he realised it wasn't a dating site and decided not to join after all.

I don't think it really matters because, as poff suggested upthread, I do feel sad, hurt and confused. And I just need it to stop.

Well I haven't replied to his email from earlier. I have better things to be doing today than worrying about this so I'm off to do them.

And I'm busy tomorrow too.

I'm just going to leave it for a while.

oh folk & jarlin im so sorry for both of you. I'm having a horrible time too. but will go in to mine another time. I will just say 'big hug' to you both Perhaps we'd all be better living together on a girls-only island xx

I've had texts but no arrangements to meet even though he is back from Scotland. Seriously not bothered though. Let him him have his sad and needy little life on Match where he can lie to other women. My life is plenty full

It sounds like everyones dating this weekend has turned sour. I think it's easier to be on your own sometimes.

It's too much like hardwork.

So sorry your weekend was crap too, jarlin.

You were strong in your decision folk, at least there is no uncertainty I guess :-( I'm nowhere near as strong as you.

I'm not strong dont

I wore my sunglasses round Sainsbury's earlier so no one could see me crying.

I'm just sad and scared and hurt and lonely.

I'd told everyone about going away with him. Everyone knew how excited I was and now I've got to tell everyone he didn't really like me afterall. That I wasn't good enough.

Folk I don't know but did you jump the gun a bit? You didn't find a profile and you said it wasn't a dating site per se, could he have just been browsing things to do in that city and the site came up and he's clicked on it? I'm just not sure from what you've said you found that it's enough to prove his intention was to go seeking other women.

scorned Send me the details and I'll meet you there

I just wish I had someone in real life to give me a hug and make it all ok.

Just feel so, so alone.

You're still strong folk. You were brave in ending things because you knew it was the right thing to do. Look at me, crawling to geeky and taking all his crap. You are amazingly strong.

I'm so so sorry it's the worst feeling. I've just read it's called a breakup because it's broken, which helped and a book called happiness, which is good too.

Hansel I don't know. I have wondered that too, but he lived there for 14 years. He owns a property there. He knows the place very well.

To be honest, even if I am jumping the gun, I sort of feel a little bit as though if I'm this suspicious and untrusting, I have no place being in any sort of relationship with anyone anyway.

Besides, I had to visit the site 3 times before it came up in my 'recently viewed' pages when I opened a new tab.

Thank you dont

Ah, that does make a difference if he's lived there. It's so at odds though with how you say he is with you, making plans and including you in his friends and family, not just words but actions, which is how it should be.
But if what you found has made you feel differently about him then you are totally right to withdraw, you've got to protect yourself.
I somehow see him doing cartwheels to explain himself though as it did sound like he liked you a lot and I'd be surprised if you didn't hear back from him.

Sorry Folk but once (before) maybe give him the benefit of the doubt, this time? Seems a bit fishy and though most men would've deleted everything, it could've been a site where it's hard to 'come off' etc.

But if it makes you feel bad then end it.

I could make another suggestion. You lay your cards in the table, trust issues, get him round show him the site/s and get him to show the history and delete with you and you do same. In fact I was going to do same with Kent Lad.

You can also do searches on each of your names re what sites you're on. Then after that, it's done. You could carry on or not. Only you know though if you could do this.

Oh I'm sorry too Folk never nice when you even think someone's betrayed you.