Baby waking makes husband angry with me

[Hubertscubert]

My husband works really hard in a demanding job, be is not the best sleeper. Our second baby has been a bit more challenging than the first as she has reflux, hence she has not been as good a sleeper as our elder daughter. Having said this relatively speaking I don't think she is too bad. She has gone from 7pm, fed at 10.30pm, then through to 6 am since about 4 months, but when she is having a bad spell (teething etc) she willwake at 4 am ( but generally go back down for. Dummy or bottle) n then it can tak a while to break the habit. If we have had a disturbed night my husband shouts or swears at me, and then I face an inquisition as to what went wrong. If I give him reasons he makes me feel stupid and it comes across as excuses. This morning dh had asked to get woken at 6 am, the baby woke at approx 5.45. Therefore he was in a mood with me, he said" what went on last night, what today's excuse? He said he asks other women and they say the baby should b going through the night now. I chose to say nothing.

I don't actually believe he asked any other women. My daughter slept through very early on but I know that's not very common. If he asked, say, three women, it's very unlikely they would all have had kids that slept through.

I'm guessing that these 'other women' he talks to also tell him that the OP doesn't keep the house clean enough, doesn't cook nice enough meals, doesn't iron his shirts properly..... He shouts and swears. He's a bully. He makes the OP face inquisitions and accuses her of making excuses. He will be the type that finds all kinds of random things unsatisfactory as a way of keeping the OP down.

I think that your baby's sleep pattern seems pretty good for her age - I certainly couldn't count on an undisturbed night (well 11 - 5.30) until DS was 18 months - and then if teething etc got in the way, they were put on hold until he'd got over it.

What would the situation be if you were to ask him to deal with all night wakings on a Friday and Saturday nights - so that you didn't have to get up on two nights (or indeed, just on a Friday) - it isn't unreasonable to expect a father to help out one night a week when he's not working in the morning.

Thinking about you earlier when our 3 year old woke us all up at 5 this morning. Hope you are okay op.

'FabBakerGirl: Redroom- being tired didn't make you a "bitch." You are using it as an excuse. Everyone is responsible for their own behaviour'. Yes it did, actually. I had a recognised medical condition with the side effects of depression, irritability and mood swings. Don't judge me, please, when you know absolutely nothing about why I was so tired. As soon as I started medication, all of the symptoms went away. Sleep deprivation affects all kinds of physiological and physiological processes. It can even lead to suicidal thoughts. Hold your own judgemental thoughts.

Well, obviously I am not a mind reader and commented on what you had posted only, RedRoom.

The thread wasn't about me and my medical problems, it was about someone's husband behaving unreasonably through lack of sleep. I thought that mentioning that lack of sleep- whatever the reason for it- can cause people to behave in odd ways might reassure the OP that he's not a bastard that she should leave, but that there could be other problems. I found your comment about me rather upsetting and I would not tell someone I didn't know that they were a bitch based on a brief post they had made. FWIW, my DH proposed to me during that horrible period because he understood and loved me regardless. Maybe bite your tongue before firing off insults and sarcastic responses?

last night, dd didn't go to sleep until gone midnight and despite my best efforts. spent at least an hour jumping on.dh. he had to be up at 4.20.
yet tonight, he said to dd "are you going to sleep at all tonight?"
he didn't blame me, he didn't have a go at either of us.

how many of these stories do you need before you're convinced it's not normal what you're going through?