Baby waking makes husband angry with me

[Hubertscubert]

My husband works really hard in a demanding job, be is not the best sleeper. Our second baby has been a bit more challenging than the first as she has reflux, hence she has not been as good a sleeper as our elder daughter. Having said this relatively speaking I don't think she is too bad. She has gone from 7pm, fed at 10.30pm, then through to 6 am since about 4 months, but when she is having a bad spell (teething etc) she willwake at 4 am ( but generally go back down for. Dummy or bottle) n then it can tak a while to break the habit. If we have had a disturbed night my husband shouts or swears at me, and then I face an inquisition as to what went wrong. If I give him reasons he makes me feel stupid and it comes across as excuses. This morning dh had asked to get woken at 6 am, the baby woke at approx 5.45. Therefore he was in a mood with me, he said" what went on last night, what today's excuse? He said he asks other women and they say the baby should b going through the night now. I chose to say nothing.

What a bullying little excuse of a man. Does he have any redeeming qualities or is he always a wanker?

Lol!

Which kinda proves your point, doesn't it? He sounds immature, deeply entitled, has absurdly and pathetically unreal expectations of what is biologically normal for a child, and he is bullying you. If this is your baby's sleep pattern at the moment, then HE needs to find a way to adapt, be it him sleeping in another room, earplugs, or whatever. A baby cannot change what is natural for them at that given stage, not should they be made to.

You are the one who is the most sleep deprived and you are mature and accepting. He sounds like a selfish bully, and the fact that you daren't tell him to grow up or anything, shows that he is controlling and possibly abusing you. In a healthy relationship, if one partner is being a twat, the other one does not feel scared to point it out to them. But then again, in a normal relationship, the man would not be such an aggressive and selfish twat.

OMG what an abusive prick!

My dp gets up and helps me if were having a bad night , then goes to work for 12 hours. He isn't a saint, just normal.

Think very carefully how you want to spend the rest of your life.

Sorry lol was to previous post, not the above

You've had a lot of strong and shocking answers on here OP and I expect you're feeling a bit alarmed and maybe even a bit unsure as to what to say?

That's OK, the reason everybody is so shocked and angry on your behalf is that this kind of behaviour really isn't normal or healthy in a relationship :( This should be an incredibly happy time for you and your DH, the birth of your first child, and yet he's sniping at you all the time and making you feel low and anxious.

Shouting and swearing is really not acceptable, it's actually classed as verbal abuse. It's very common for this kind of treatment to start or get worse when you are pregnant or have a small child, he might have been nice before, he might even be nice some of the time now (when you play your cards right...) but please know that this is not normal and it's not behaviour you have to put up with from your spouse.

Sorry if responses have been a bit strong/shocking. It's just hard to imagine someone being so horrible to you when they're supposed to be supporting you through a hard and confusing time of married life. We're angry for you, at him. Please post more (and tell us if you're shocked by responses) - the ladies on this board are an incredible source of information and support for people in your situation, and nobody will expect or demand immediate action, just be there to listen, whenever you are ready.

Echo everyone else - your husband's an ignorant, spiteful bully.
What to do?

Good god!!
I have an 8 month old too and we usually get from 7 til 10 then a quick feed and then down til approx 5/6. Hes teething at the mo so we have wakings every couple hours.. all babies are different though. My first was a marvellous sleeper!!
Tell your husband where to stick his opinions and the ones from the other women hes spoken too.. honestly he sounds horrible

Dickhead, dickhead, dickhead. My god that has angered me so much. Problem with him being woken in the night, no problem here's a pillow over your face so you never wake again prick, or a frying pan over the head while he sleeps, bullying controlling wanker.
I could not put up with someone intimidating me like that, in fact the last person that did I divorced. What a horrible horrible man.
Just incase I haven't made my feelings clear, he's a dick of the highest order.

Kids are 4yrs and 8 months, if we can't handle this I worry about all the future challenges teenagers ete etc

He sounds selfish....do you ever get a little lie in at weekends etc or when he is off?

I bloody hope so

dd is 27mo and still wakes up 2-3 times inthe night.

dh is a postie so gets up before 5 every day.
sometimes dd wakes up so acutely that I hsve to take her downstairs for breakfast at 2!

dh complains that he's tired but would never blame me for it!!

also, it's been shown by research that children.don't normally sleep through the night (which includes waking and self-settling) until at least 4 years old.

I can't believe you have to account to him in the morning for what went wrong in the night!!!! Nothing went wrong! And, even if it did, how is it all your doing? He's the baby's parent too - and one who never goes to her when she cries, by the sound of it.

You poor thing. I posted on here recently about how terribly our 7 and 3 yr old have slept for years and how it is really getting us down but my DH has never resorted to blaming me in such a nasty way. You must feel so unsupported.

Pls tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable and that you're not there to be abused. There isn't a Dr in the land who would think your children are behaving anything more than normally.

erm.. waking up at 5.45 IS sleeping through the night - isn't it? what is he expecting?

LTB

Actually the "what went wrong last night" is making me very on your behalf.

Oh me too. Absolute arsehole.

LEAVE THE SELFISH CUNT. Then he could sleep as long as he wishes.

Why are you with him?

My DD didn't sleep through regularly until about 18 months old. Currently (aged 4) she seems to get up most nights and creep into our bed which I don't always mind but it irritates my dh as he is a poor sleeper. But even though he's grumpy sometimes usually the worst I get is 'take her back to bed!' Your dh is being unreasonable and selfish. It's not like your going in her room and making her cry just to annoy him is it?!

Take your babies and run. Or change the locks whilst he's at work.

What a twunt.

For what it's worth, she sleeps better than my 11 month old.

He sounds very agressive and nasty. Does he have any redeming features?

"What's today's excuse" at being woken 15 mins earlier than planned makes my blood boil for you!

My DH also works hard in a demanding job and is the kind of person who really needs his sleep. He still shares getting up with the DC if they wake in the night and would never make horrible sarky comments about it.

Our solution is that he gets both lie ins at the weekend - I'm happy to do this for him because I recognise how difficult he finds it when he is tired.

When he's good he's great