Baby waking makes husband angry with me

[Hubertscubert]

My husband works really hard in a demanding job, be is not the best sleeper. Our second baby has been a bit more challenging than the first as she has reflux, hence she has not been as good a sleeper as our elder daughter. Having said this relatively speaking I don't think she is too bad. She has gone from 7pm, fed at 10.30pm, then through to 6 am since about 4 months, but when she is having a bad spell (teething etc) she willwake at 4 am ( but generally go back down for. Dummy or bottle) n then it can tak a while to break the habit. If we have had a disturbed night my husband shouts or swears at me, and then I face an inquisition as to what went wrong. If I give him reasons he makes me feel stupid and it comes across as excuses. This morning dh had asked to get woken at 6 am, the baby woke at approx 5.45. Therefore he was in a mood with me, he said" what went on last night, what today's excuse? He said he asks other women and they say the baby should b going through the night now. I chose to say nothing.

Well when hes being "great" explain that hes an utter cock and needs to have a think about his behaviour. Honestly this is awful :-(

What about pointing out that the reason she doesn't sleep is because she has inherited his defective sleeping genes?

Maybe you could put DH on a performance improvement plan . If he doesn't improve his attitude, give him a warning and if thAt fails you could just manage him out? I suspect that would be the kind of language he would understand..

Do not start minimising, please. He is an abusive bully who thinks you are beneath him.
When he is shit he is really shit. If he cuddled you 6 days and slapped you 1 day you wouldn't accept that.

Your baby waking sounds normal. The demanding job thing is bollocks( my dh did all night feeds with dd2 as I was in hospital for most of first 8 months) . Your dh is being a twat.

And when you say "he wanted To be woken at 6" How did he expect that To happen?

Did he set an alarm clock for 6 am, or does he expect you To wake him at the apptointed time?

you tell him cathpip sorry to laugh but i would,nt like to burn your toast

my middle son was awake about 20 hrs a day for first two years .and no i am not exagerating .your baby sounds like an angel my husband would have kissed the ground she crawled on if that was our baby

This is fucking terrible for you! It makes me feel so sad. Look.

I admit that I feel bad for my DH if his sleep is disturbed by our ds, but then I get over myself. DH certainly doesn't ever complain. Last night I had to take ds out of the bedroom twice in the middle night because he was blabbering away (new habit) and in the morning I asked DH if he'd been disturbed and he said 'a little, but it's okay.' I knew for a fact he'd lost a least an hour of sleep but he'd certainly never blame! He's grateful that I do the night feeds/nappy changes, and I'm grateful he goes to work.

I'm sorry but your man is just being an arsehole.

Does he take any responsibility for his children Hubert?

Gosh, my 5 month old DD wakes every 2 hours, so your LO sounds like a great sleeper! DD is EBF so there is very little that DH can do when she wakes, but will always take over and resettle her after a feed so I can get some rest. He also works in a very demanding job, often out of the house for 12 hours a day and then working when he gets home. Surely your DH realised when you had DC that his sleep would inevitably be disrupted??

When he's good he's great

Yep, even Hitler had the odd good day.

Your husband is abusive, this will get worse. You and your kids deserve better.

"What went wrong last night"
I woke up and remembered what a complete wanking toss pot of a arse hole I married.

I am very sensitive to noise and most of the nights I use earplugs. There are different varieties. I use orange once which you can get in a supermarket. They help a lot but might not help when someone's snores next to you. Babies can be very curious and some just love waking up early. You might want to put her in bed 30min later to see if she would wake up later.
I become moody if I don't sleep enough. I am often disturbed by my DH's snoring. He sleeps like a baby though. I think your husband needs to read that not all babies are the same. He needs to understand it and stop blaming you for not being able to keep the baby asleep for longer.

Also, as far as I know many partners become selfish in the first year of their child.

Selfish partners are selfish in the early years, supportive partners aren't.

Sounds like your husband is being a cock-womble.
Is he sorry later? Just sometimes when I'm woken I can be a complete arse for a moment but I always apologise because when the foggyness of sleep wears off I realise I'm being a nob.

Wow...my first woke every two hours until she was nearly a year! Just wanted to be in my bloody arms. At 3.5 she's still up twice a night!

'What went wrong?' I'd poke him in the eye.

He needs to respect you and what you're doing.

I would love to have had that sleeping pattern at 8 months! He sounds bloody awful OP, sorry.

DD1 is 3 and she hasn't slept through once yet.
DD2 is 16 months and wakes on average every two hours.
DS is 16 months and has slept through from about 12 months.
All babies sleep through when they're good and ready (or not, see above!) so who are these women your DH is talking to who say your baby should be sleeping through?! Just because theirs were doesn't mean yours will, plus teething is a nightmare.
Fwiw my stbxh hated it when our 3 woke at night, told me they probably wouldn't settle for him so he wasn't going to try.. and yes, somehow them waking was my fault, he even blamed it on my breast milk once .
He had many other 'endearing' traits like this..and I LTB. Not saying you should leave your husband btw, but he is a monumental prick for treating you like this.

Wake him at 6? So if the baby had slept till 7 you'd have been expected to wake up early somehow to wake him up?

This is exactly the sort of crap my STBX would come out with.

"I'm entitled to my sleep."
"I work hard and deserve a proper rest."
"You are spoiling her. Leave her to cry."
"You chose to BF. It's your fault. You made a rod for your own back."

He never once got up for any of our 3 DC when they woke in the night. There are other reasons he's out on his ear now but that complete lack of respect that he showed, and the utter unrealistic expectations, and the selfishness he displayed over the sleep thing was one of the major deciding factors that finally led me to get rid.

My baby (2.5) still wakes a lot. I still co-sleep. I still do whatever it takes to get me & my 3 DCs through each night. I just don't have the added grief of someone who shut himself away in the main bedroom every night doing sod-all parenting would then pass judgement on my parenting abilities every morning. He would shut the door and that was the signal to me that "I'm done. Whatever happens now, you're o. Your own."

The dcs and I are far better off without him. Your decision of course, OP, but I suspect you would be too.

Take care and please believe everyone who says here that it's not ok for him to treat you like this.

on your own that should say.

I'm speechless. What an unsupportive, massive dick. I'm sorry for you OP. It sounds like your baby is doing really well.

My STBEXH was exactly like this, I ended up on the sofa with our newborn baby for six weeks, with our business whilst he had lie ins and wasted any money we had. Makes me so cross when I hear other men are like this and don't want to be woken? It takes two to have a child, man up!

They need to woman up, considering it is WOMEN who unfailingly get up without complaint ten times a night if required!!