My DP cheated with a man..

[threeblueducks]

He's always been open about being bisexual but has only ever been with women.
He cheated on me 3 years ago when I was 17 weeks pregnant and 4 weeks before our wedding day and I know I should have left then but I wasn't strong enough.
Today he took his phone in the bathroom to play music while he showered and left it playing once finished so I went to turn it off, swiped the screen and some app called 'grindr' came up. I saw he'd set up a profile and sent pictures to men and one said about meeting Sunday (tomorrow).
So I asked him about it. I'm quite open minded and don't mince my words or bullshit so I asked him about it. What's this app? Why is it on your phone? Why are you sending nude photos to people?
He denied it all and said he didn't know what I was talking about, rolled his eyes and told me I shouldn't look at his phone.
I pushed him and pushed him until he snapped at me and told me that yes he'd been on the app. Sent photos. Arranged to meet. And that last Sunday while I took our 2 year old to his great nans for dinner, he went 'on the spur of the moment' and had full on sex with a stranger he'd been talking to. They did everything you could imagine from what he has told me.
I vomited through shock and told him to get away from me and have kind of locked myself away upstairs. Our son is downstairs with him playing like normal and he keeps texting my phone telling me he's sorry and will make it right.
There's no way that can happen is there?? It'll never be right again.

[threeblueducks]

Well after some not so gentle coaxing from friends husband he has gone. He didn't take anything with him so I've packed a bag and left it on the doorstep so he doesn't come back in.
He's just put messages all over Facebook that I am a homophobe but hasn't gone as far as to elaborate why he's saying it. For what its worth I'm not. I have dozens of gay and lesbian friends that I love dearly.
Mums taken ds so me and my friend can have a cuppa and a chat and for me probably a little cry. What a weekend.

[ThisFenceIsComfy]

God what an awful situation OP.

Fwiw I think you have been completely brave and great. Well done for getting rid of him. Your life can start now. Take your time to cry and feel sad then look ahead to a much much better future

[GarlicMarchHare]

Glad you have good support with you, Ducks, and he has gone. It's bizarre that he [a] thought he could come to bed with you and [b] seems to think he's just popped out for a bit It feels as though he thinks of himself as a gay man, who shares a house with a woman and children. This is horrible for you. Please do take serious good care of yourself. xx

[AnyFucker]

Block him on FB.

[LavenderGreen14]

well done Op. Homophobe - how bloody dare he. I would advise blocking him on Facebook immediately. And any other avenues too. I presume he is trying some damage limitation - if you tell folk what he has done he is trying to protect himself from the gossip. Shame he didn't think of that first really. Anyway - you booting him out for being unfaithful is nothing to do with anything other than not tolerating it - the gender is irrelevant. You would be getting rid if he had slept with a woman so it doesn't make any odds.

[LavenderGreen14]

Crosspost with AF. :)

[AnyFucker]

Man, woman, beast

he has cheated

[GarlicMarchHare]

Yes, I could have said "It feels as though he thinks of himself as a single man ..." The gender difference might be significant in his self-justification, but it really carries no weight at all. Straight men give themselves similar excuses: black/asian women, thin/fat women, young/old women. None of it counts. Cheating is cheating.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Definitely block on Facebook and really well done for showing him the door. If, by accusing you of being homophobic, he is saying you kicked him out for being gay, then that's an admission that he's been lying about his sexuality up to now, surely?

[MaryWestmacott]

well done op. That must be hideous.

Are you going to keep it quiet that he's slept with men or are you going to go public with why you've ended your relationship? I personally think if he's going to do stuff like publically insult you, you should go public with why you are ending your relationship. If he thinks he can claim the moral high ground by calling you a homophobe, he's going to have a nasty shock when most decent people make it clear that cheating is unacceptable, regardless of the gender it's with.

do not let him rewrite this as you being in the wrong and him just 'finding himself' - he cheated, with both men and women. You can do better.

[Forgettable]

I am so glad he's gone

You are not a homophobe fgs, you have got rid of him because he is a cheating scumbag. Also v glad you didn't marry him fwiw, less comp wrt house stuff.

Thumbs up to your mum, and your mates too

Block him on fb.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Block him on fb.

Glad you're seeing your friend today.

You're doing great...stay strong.

X

[BitOutOfPractice]

Oh god OP you are doing so well. Getting everything in place. Bravo - you are doing well

As for the FB status update I'm sorry but I did actaully laugh out loud at that . That must win the prize for the most passive aggressive, disingenuous, bullshit FB status I have ever heard! Really. What an utter twat he is

[Nomama]

I laughed too. He is utterly without shame, isn't he?

I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself replying:

Not homophobic until it comes to the man sharing my bed and fathering my child. Then I get a little tetchy.

But I wouldn't recommend it, really, I wouldn't.

Keep your chin up, he will have to grow up at some point.

[waltermittymissus]

He's just put messages all over Facebook that I am a homophobe but hasn't gone as far as to elaborate why he's saying it

Because he knows you wouldn't stoop so low as to plater Facebook with the fact that he's been shagging men!

Delete and block. From Facebook and from your life as much as you can.

What a bastard! I'm fuming on your behalf!

Sounds like he wants to paint himself as some sort of victim. Like the problem here is that he's attracted to men?

[Trooperslane]

Anyfucker has it.

So sorry op - I wouldn't care what gender cheating's cheating.

[Trooperslane]

Plus HE needs to leave, not you.

[Trooperslane]

Sorry, should've rtft. Was so angry for you I cross posted.

I think he's doing himself real damage (good, btw) by doing all this Facebook crap.

Surely people will be like wtf

It's his loss not yours OP

[BitOutOfPractice]

I would say something like: "I am a not a homophobe because that means I hate gay people. The only gay person I hate at the moment is my "D"P. But not because he's gay. But because he's a yellow-bellied, low down cheating scumbag. HTH"

I wouldn't. But bloody hell I'd want to!

He really is a pathetic man and you are well rid of him ducks.

[YourHandInMyHand]

An ex of mine did similar with sites and pics but never met anyone that I know of. Block contact and just focus on you and your DS for now, glad to hear he has gone.

[Logg1e]

Keep going OP, you're doing great.

[threeblueducks]

I've had a message from one of our mutual friends saying that he's turned up there to see her husband and telling me I'm pretty low for kicking him out 'just because he thinks he's bisexual'.

I've just responded that I'd never stoop so low as to get nasty about someone's sexuality and that said mutual friend would do well to ask if she can look at his 'grindr' profile on his phone to see just how unsure he actually is.
I also sent a follow up text asking her outright if it would make me such a bad person if I'd found out he'd shagged another woman like he did 3 years ago, or if I'm only in the wrong because he cheated with a man.

I shouldn't have lost my cool with her, as she's a right gossip, but I suppose that's the anger starting to surface.

Now about to go pick up DS from my mum and dads.. this is going to make for a fun conversation as I only told her that I was ending the relationship and I wanted them to take him and protect him from any initial fallout... now I get to tell them the truth.

[NotJustACigar]

Nah you handled that exactly right - let her gossip and spread the truth while you stand back, stay classy, and come out of it looking like the bigger person.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Good luck with your folks OP. it sounds like you can be honest with them even though it's painful.

I love the texts you sent to your friend.

[YourHandInMyHand]

I think telling someone the whole truth and letting them spread it is fine seeing as he is slagging you off to all and sundry on facebook and in person.

He slept with someone else. The fact that it's a man is a secondary issue. He's now cheated on you twice.

I think telling your parents is for the best too. That way they will concentrate on supporting you rather than wondering if you can patch things up.