My boyfriend asks your moot - was my Facebook post 'grossly inappropriate'?

[Fullyswindonian]

I have a small Facebook Friendlist consisting of 99% family and old school friends.

One of the people I don't actually know in real life was 'friended' for his similar views.

I recently read something that poignantly reminded me of him, so posted it on my Facebook Wall, but without direct reference to him. It could have easily applied to a small number of other people on my Friendlist, but he was the only one who chose to respond with comments.

My boyfriend considered it 'grossly inappropriate' as he believes the Facebook friend is interested in me, despite the fact we have no dialogue and certainly nothing even remotely smutty or off topic has occurred. He isn't attractive to me in any way, in fact I find him 'unattractive' in most ways.

I will admit however to a small degree of naievety as I mostly fail to intuit when a man is interested in me, I've been told.

At my boyfriend's suggestion, I put my Facebook post up here for your inspection and opinion.
I would genuinely like to know if my post was inappropriate/ disrespectful to my boyfriend.
My post was prefixed with something along the lines of 'just read a poem by one of my favourites and it reminded me of someone on my Friendlist who is also all these things'.

My boyfriend and I are both mid Forties, neither married nor cohabiting, and I am the only one wothout children from a previous relationship. He is universally considered genuine, kind and fair.

Praise

I praise you because
you are artist and scientist
in one. When I am somewhat
fearful of your power,
your ability to work miracles
with a set-square, I hear
you murmuring to yourself
in a notation Beethoven
dreamed of but never achieved.
You run off your scales of
rain water and sea water, play
the chords of the morning
and evening light, sculpture
with shadow, join together leaf
by leaf, when spring
comes, the stanzas of
an immense poem. You speak
all languages and none,
answering our most complex
prayers with the simplicity
of a flower, confronting
us, when we would domesticate you
to our uses, with the rioting
viruses under our lens.

~RS Thomas

fuck me....the mumsnet jury. talk about 12 angry men! really the hostility is totally OTT.

op. tell you partner you realise how it could be interpreted. apologise. move on.
learn about boundaries.

thats all you have to do.

chickens Yes my boyfriend is my Fb friend too. He's an exceptionally modest man so would not consider the poem was applicable to him.

As mentioned upthread, no, I don't have any romantic interest in the other Facebook friend at all and yes, boyfriend and I have talked about it.

Thankyou for recognising it's not salacious :)

What will you do now OP out of interest?

Has your boyfriend read this thread?

Vicar Please, I resent the insinuation I posted some poetry to 'look all mysterious and clever'. I don't give a stuff how I look on Facebook. There is nothing contrived about the post. It's just a good poem.

of all the posts you choose to resent.....really?? really??????

okaaaaaayyyyyyyy........

Nursey Yes, I think he will read the thread. It was his idea.

I certainly should apologise for posting a poem without taking into account how it would be received by someone who might have an interest in me, as that might be upsetting for my partner, I agree.

OP i'd just move on. Chalk it up to experience. If you and the BF have talked it through, then you have learnt. Why not have an affair with you BF? Send him a salacious poem, or a love poem, but send it privately. He might enjoy the attention. X

I certainly should apologise for posting a poem without taking into account how it would be received by someone who might have an interest in me

Not just him - I would think that a reasonably high percentage of your Facebook friends are also wondering what's going on between you two...

Cinnabar, I doubt it. I only have 23 friends on there and they all know me personally apart from this one. Given the volume of soppy love stuff Ibe posted about my boyfriend and total lack of love stuff I've posted about the person in the poem post, it's safe to assume they think I'm in a love bubble with my boyfriend

I don't like the way you talk about this chap , you talk like he's beneath you in some way . You've said he's annoying , and that he arrogantly chose to own the poem as have being posted about him . Well it was , wasn't it. You made it obvious in a childish silly way.

Considering that he immediately knew it was for him , it's my view that your conversations with him have already crossed the line .

If all was innocent , why did you not simply post the poem openly to him? What's with the coded reference ? I'd give you the boot just for the dumsel act alone.

Swindonian ... One of the amazing things about Facebook is the way you can get in touch with people who have interesting ideas, challenge & stimulate your intellect, and support you when you need it. I do it all the time :) I also regularly de-friend those who seem to be encroaching too much on my personal (virtual, and still personal) space with excessive familiarity or with arrogance & self-importance. I treat it just like real life, only easier to manage!

I totally believe this poem made you think of a person you find stimulating, challenging, etc, and that it reflected what you see as his command of many intellectual disciplines. What went wrong was that the poem glorifies its subject; it is exaggerated, gushing, undiluted praise.

In ordinary real life, we do not glorify other people like this. You should have anticipated that Mr Arrogant would immediately assume you see his multiple perfections, as no-one else can (I wonder why no-one else does ) and feel singled out for such lavish praise. I quite accept that you didn't anticipate it. You sound a tad naive for a grown-up! So, please, take a lesson from this.

You didn't post lewd or porny comments; you're getting an undeserved hard time. But I understand why your boyfriend would have been a bit about it. Going back to the beginning of my post: Facebook offers you half the world's population as 'friends'. Many of them are talented & interesting. You can easily afford to drop those who are self-regarding and pushy.

I'd quite like to look mysterious and clever. I think Vicarwas giving you a compliment. .

You only have 23 Facebook friends and this poem could apply to a small number of them. I have hundreds of Facebook friends and can't think of any it would apply to.
Either you have an amazing set of friends or there is another part of this story where you are being economical with the truth.

Marco, a small number out of the 23 friends is about 5, male and female. Yes, I have friends with similar interests to me.

Garlic Thankyou. I've taken a lot from your post.

Thankyou to everyone else too. It's been informative.

BTW, have you replied saying "how come you assumed it's about you?"

:)

That isn't the vein in which I posted it at all.

That's all good, we get that you posted it in a purely innocent way, however lots here have said that it doesn't look innocent, it looks flirty, it's a love poem, etc.

Even your boyfriend doesn't see it how you do. So regardless of how YOU see it, lots are seeing it completely differently & getting the wrong interpretation.

Ergo = YABU. Whatever your intention or message was, it has misinterpreted.

I'd be devastated if dh posted this on his fb for another woman.
Agree with everyone on here.

Thankyou for views everyone. Hes read the thread. He's dumped me. Serves me right.

This whole thing is less 'poignant Welsh poetry' and a lot more Carly Simon song lyrics...

Cross-posted, and I'm really sorry to hear that.

As much as we would all be pretty upset if our partners posted this in dedication to someone else on FB, it's pretty clear that you meant something else altogether when you posted it and it's a shame your BF didn't pick up on that (and get some reassurance) when he read this thread.

Best of luck OP.

You do seem detached.