My boyfriend asks your moot - was my Facebook post 'grossly inappropriate'?

[Fullyswindonian]

I have a small Facebook Friendlist consisting of 99% family and old school friends.

One of the people I don't actually know in real life was 'friended' for his similar views.

I recently read something that poignantly reminded me of him, so posted it on my Facebook Wall, but without direct reference to him. It could have easily applied to a small number of other people on my Friendlist, but he was the only one who chose to respond with comments.

My boyfriend considered it 'grossly inappropriate' as he believes the Facebook friend is interested in me, despite the fact we have no dialogue and certainly nothing even remotely smutty or off topic has occurred. He isn't attractive to me in any way, in fact I find him 'unattractive' in most ways.

I will admit however to a small degree of naievety as I mostly fail to intuit when a man is interested in me, I've been told.

At my boyfriend's suggestion, I put my Facebook post up here for your inspection and opinion.
I would genuinely like to know if my post was inappropriate/ disrespectful to my boyfriend.
My post was prefixed with something along the lines of 'just read a poem by one of my favourites and it reminded me of someone on my Friendlist who is also all these things'.

My boyfriend and I are both mid Forties, neither married nor cohabiting, and I am the only one wothout children from a previous relationship. He is universally considered genuine, kind and fair.

Praise

I praise you because
you are artist and scientist
in one. When I am somewhat
fearful of your power,
your ability to work miracles
with a set-square, I hear
you murmuring to yourself
in a notation Beethoven
dreamed of but never achieved.
You run off your scales of
rain water and sea water, play
the chords of the morning
and evening light, sculpture
with shadow, join together leaf
by leaf, when spring
comes, the stanzas of
an immense poem. You speak
all languages and none,
answering our most complex
prayers with the simplicity
of a flower, confronting
us, when we would domesticate you
to our uses, with the rioting
viruses under our lens.

~RS Thomas

You sound a considerable distance up your own arse tbh.

You thought it would be a good opportunity to introduce this to everyone's newsfeed? Why not just say 'here is one of my favourite poems, I would like to share it with you all'. Rather than embarrassing yourself.

Of course it is a love poem, don't be disingenuous.

I would dump someone who did what you have done and then tried to defend it with such pretentious twattery.

Nursey It's just how I am, I think

If he is so annoying why post a poem to him? Why not delete him as a friend?

Delete/block him. And don't post "thinking of you" to anyone unless privately because they're ill/bereaved. That's what I read the post as; "thinking of you". Which is grossly inappropriate IMO.

He obviously doesn't irritate you that much if poems make you think of him and then post them on fb. It is such attention seeking behaviour and quite vulgar to flaunt your flirtation so publicly - not surprised you were pulled up on it.
Did you forget your boyfriend when you were posting it?

'Pretentious twattery'? I'm learning something new about myself here. It's the first time I've had that directed at me

It's inappropriate to post it saying it "reminds you of someone" when it's clear that person is him and he was likely to see it, yes. With his comments afterwards I'd say even more inappropriate because it's clear he's seen it as a sign saying "I really fancy you".

If you just admired it as a poem you should have just posted the poem with a neutral comment like "I love this poem" or something. Not with unsubtle hints about who it's aimed at, it reads like a love poem even if you didn't intend it to be.

It's normal for poems/songs/etc to remind you of someone, not to plaster that all over facebook unless they are your actual boyfriend. I mean, the actual dedicating a poem to someone is a pretty romantic thing to do, so it's inappropriate to do it to someone when you're in a relationship with someone else, especially when there's a possibility that said person may have an interest in you (even if they've never made it obvious).

Eew , Hoppingmad To flirt with that person would feel utterly repellant to me. That isn't the vein in which I posted it at all.

There used to be this guy on my fb. I didn't really know him that well. We had a lot of mutual friends so I accepted his friend request. Turned out he posted a lot. Most of it about all the things he was fabulous at. He was pretty arrogant. His many posts and comments tended to annoy me. Not to mention photos of his smug mug all over the place. Yeah, so I picked one of my favourite poems, beautiful it was, and he correctly surmised it was dedicated to him, because it was.

Oh, wait. No I didn't. I defriended the irritating little toerag.

I save flattering poems for people I love or have a crush on.

Protest as much as you like, it's not convincing

But you have flirted with him, quite seriously. I am genuinely struggling to understand your motivation in posting - I don't buy the 'bringing welsh poetry to the masses' line somehow...

BertieBotts Yes, I agree with you. My boyfriend had stated that the Facebook friend seems to be interested in me despite my being unable to see that myself (I fail to recognise when men are interested in me), so I should have taken more care not to post a poem which could be interpreted romantically, despite it not being authored as a romantic poem. Thankyou.

That's a love poem. A poem that declares love to a persons intellectual attributes, so you saying he is physically i attractive is meaningless in the context of poignantly posting this poem.

I think because your bf asked you to post this and will therefore read the thread you are covering yourself and trying to make out all is innocent. I think the reality is that you have been caught blatantly flirting with another man, your bf rightly is pissed and you think coming on here and being all wide eyed and "but eww I don't see him like that, we just share a love of art" will make him go easy on you.

I'm sorry if I'm wrong but that's how I'm reading this situation. If I am wrong maybe this can lead to you reassessing your boundaries and ideas of what is acceptable within your relationship.

Should be unattractive not I attractive

I fail to recognise when men are interested in me

But lead them on by posting romantic, flattering poems? I'm sorry OP but I don't think you have a very good grasp on social norms, either that or you're choosing to ignore them

I tend to be "relaxed" about this kind of thing compared with the majority of folk. But in this case I'm a bit

I can see where DP is coming from tbh.

Could you be having a bit of a power thing?

shadow No. I'm a timeserved MNer of many years standing. I don't need these forums to validate my relationship. I can have quite open and frank discussions with my boyfriend on this without recourse for public opinion too.

I'm here to ask people if I was 'grossly inappropriate' and if you all agree that I was, I'll quite rightly hold my hands up.

I won't however accept suggestions I have 'feelings' or was 'flirting' with the person when that isn't the case. I find him as a person unnattractive in all ways.

OP is conjuring to mind my daughters fluttery eyed innocent look when I've caught her with a bag of sugar under the table. "But I no like sugar mummy" she says all solemn and convincing. It's still stuck to her face and hands though!

So delete him from your Facebook then?

ItsNotATest What do you mean by am I having a 'power thing'? I don't understand, sorry

I didn't question how long you've used mn or the validity of your relationship. I merely said, and said that I was sorry if I was wrong, that it seemed as though you were covering yourself. You can surely see that's a fairly easy conciliation to draw from what you've said here, the content of the poem and the reaction of your bf. He's obviously pissed off if he's called you on it and then asked you to gauge opinion on here.

Ali yes that is an option. I've deleted all ex boyfriends and other Facebook men who've shown an interest in me as my boyfriend considered it inappropriate.

This one does have some interesting things to say though which I enjoy reading.

How can you find him unattractive in all ways and yet describe him as having many talents you admire in a person?

Argh iPad typos. I'm sure you get the gist!