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Original poster

My boyfriend asks your moot - was my Facebook post 'grossly inappropriate'?

264 replies

Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 00:26

I have a small Facebook Friendlist consisting of 99% family and old school friends.

One of the people I don't actually know in real life was 'friended' for his similar views.

I recently read something that poignantly reminded me of him, so posted it on my Facebook Wall, but without direct reference to him. It could have easily applied to a small number of other people on my Friendlist, but he was the only one who chose to respond with comments.

My boyfriend considered it 'grossly inappropriate' as he believes the Facebook friend is interested in me, despite the fact we have no dialogue and certainly nothing even remotely smutty or off topic has occurred. He isn't attractive to me in any way, in fact I find him 'unattractive' in most ways.

I will admit however to a small degree of naievety as I mostly fail to intuit when a man is interested in me, I've been told.

At my boyfriend's suggestion, I put my Facebook post up here for your inspection and opinion.
I would genuinely like to know if my post was inappropriate/ disrespectful to my boyfriend.
My post was prefixed with something along the lines of 'just read a poem by one of my favourites and it reminded me of someone on my Friendlist who is also all these things'.

My boyfriend and I are both mid Forties, neither married nor cohabiting, and I am the only one wothout children from a previous relationship. He is universally considered genuine, kind and fair.

Praise

I praise you because
you are artist and scientist
in one. When I am somewhat
fearful of your power,
your ability to work miracles
with a set-square, I hear
you murmuring to yourself
in a notation Beethoven
dreamed of but never achieved.
You run off your scales of
rain water and sea water, play
the chords of the morning
and evening light, sculpture
with shadow, join together leaf
by leaf, when spring
comes, the stanzas of
an immense poem. You speak
all languages and none,
answering our most complex
prayers with the simplicity
of a flower, confronting
us, when we would domesticate you
to our uses, with the rioting
viruses under our lens.

~RS Thomas

OP posts:
ItsNotATest · 22/03/2014 01:32

Do you think he has a sexual interest in you? And are you "playing" with that?

Easily done actually. But much better not to.

BertieBotts · 22/03/2014 01:33

It's not inappropriate to be friends on facebook with someone. It is inappropriate to post love poetry.

ItsNotATest · 22/03/2014 01:33

...unless you are going to follow it through...

BertieBotts · 22/03/2014 01:36

I think your boyfriend sounds a bit paranoid if he's insisted you delete all of your exes (unless you're no longer friends with them in real life, in which case delete) and "any man who has shown an interest", unless you were posting overly intimate stuff to them too, or they were all over you in a creepy way.

Original poster
Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 01:36

ItsNotATest

I have no idea if he has a sexual interest in me, and don't even like to contemplate it because it's repellant to me.
I also don't have form for sexual flirtation with strangers whilst in a committed relationship. I am besotted and deeply in love with my boyfriend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 01:38

BertieBotts Yes, they were very much all over me in that way. I failed to recognise it because I have a chip missing in that area. Its not an excuse by far and is a character flaw I'm working on improving :/

OP posts:
chateauferret · 22/03/2014 01:39

YABTU. I'm surprised you're not out on your arse already, actually. If I were in his place I'd be going berserk.

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/03/2014 01:41

how did you think your fb friend would view this poem for his benefit?

are you enjoying the fact that you seem to "share" the same taste and intellect? can you not see why that might feel a bit intimate and threatening for you boyfriend?

you perhaps did not mean anything at all by posting it, but he certainly realised it was for him and may be reading what he thinks are "signs"....you are showing interest in the fact you have picked out a poem, seemingly for his benefit.

can you see that?

you are leading him on even if you cant see it. Your boyfriend can.

scarletforya · 22/03/2014 01:42

You find this guy belligerent, arrogant, irritating and unattractive, you've never met him. I don't understand why you're 'friends'.

You're attention seeking and don't lie, enjoying the ego boost of feeling this guy likes you. I also think you're enjoying the feeling that your boyfriend is annoyed about it.

You've told us twice you can't tell when someone fancies you and that you are very naive about it. Come off it Op. YOU'RE 45 not 25! Don't try to play the ingenue. It's cringeworthy.

Original poster
Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 01:43

I agree with you Tutu.

It didn't even occur to me what the Facebook friend would 'think' of the post. All I hoped was that he'd appreciate amongst the daft lolcats he usually gets a piece of decent Welsh poetry, to be honest! I courted no favour or response from it, believe me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 01:45

scarlet That is your opinion and of course. But it isn't correct.
I don't need an ego boost when I already have an attentive, wonderful, loving boyfriend with whom I am totally happy.

And yes, I really can't tell. It's always been that way.

OP posts:
Anniecarrieson · 22/03/2014 01:47

I read that poem as being about God. Creator, artist, scientist, beyond human language and domestication. Working miracles, answering prayers.

So, I don't think it's a love poem, it's a 'praise' poem.

So, yes, inappropriate.

Unless your facefriend is God Almighty.

Original poster
Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 01:50

annie Yes, the author was a priest by vocation. His poetry is part imbued with that Christian imagery.

I found it to mean creativity borne of introspection, which is why I likened it to my Facebook friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 01:52

He probably thinks he is God Almighty, yes Grin but that still doesn't make him remotely appealing to me!

OP posts:
scarletforya · 22/03/2014 01:53

We don't.

TheShimmeringPussycat · 22/03/2014 01:55

AIUI the poem is in praise of God. R S Thomas was a clergyman-poet.

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/03/2014 01:58

i think the thing to do is realise the messages you give out can be ambiguous despite your intent, and be more self aware.

i believe you that you did not intend to provoke this response.

but use it to learn a little more of human nature! (you dont have AS do you by any chance?!!)
im useless at knowing when someone is (or was) interested. i have loads of male friends. in the past its come as a complete shock if one of them has expressed an interest, and i would be horrified if any of them did so now..... i was however brought up in a horribly abusive situation and have never thought anyone would be interested in me. (get the violin out!) i married at 19 and am still with my dh now, 23 years later. luckily he knows me....
i think you just need to be more self aware, and look at the impact your actions have, and how they might be interpreted.

badbaldingballerina123 · 22/03/2014 01:58

I don't accept for one minute that you can't tell when a man is interested in you. My twelve year old knows when boys are interested in her Ffs. Claiming that you can't tell is absurd and manipulative. Your not twelve and it isn't cute.

You sound like you've got no boundrys. You add a stranger on Facebook , post a sloppy inappropriate poem about him then feign innocence and a little bewilderment. You were taking the piss and you'd be out on your arse if you were living here.

My arse a grown woman can't tell when a man is interested. Code for I'm a inappropriate flirt . How humiliating for your partner.

NurseyWursey · 22/03/2014 01:59

I don't know what's worse, a poem of love of a poem of praising god. In relation to a 'friend' of course.

Original poster
Fullyswindonian · 22/03/2014 01:59

That's one interpretation Shimmer. I found other nuances in it. None of them romantic.

OP posts:
Chickens123 · 22/03/2014 02:01

OP, is ur BF on FB? If so why didn't he think it was for him? I quite like the poem and it's about intellectual or high minded stuff, it's not salacious. Does your bf feel unworthy of such praise that he automatically felt it was for this other bloke? Or was it obvious that it wasn't.
Do you like this other bloke? Do you like him more or different to the bf? Is it something the bf and you could talk about?
Maybe you got it a bit wrong this time but maybe it's a little sign that you and your BF need to speak about some stuff.
I'd love to receive a poem like this on FB. All I get are pictures of cats!

NurseyWursey · 22/03/2014 02:02

When I first googled it I assumed it was about god, there was a lot of references to god. But I also think it could be seen as a love poem, idolising the one you love.

Even I you took it literally, it would still be offensive to your boyfriend to apply those thoughts to another man OP

CinnabarRed · 22/03/2014 02:02

So, given you have a 100% negative response from us, have you apologised to your BF yet?

If I read that poem on on of my friend's status I would assume she were having an affair with the person it was obviously posted to. Particularly with the coy "thinking about one of you, you know who you are" preface.

NurseyWursey · 22/03/2014 02:03

OP since your boyfriend asked you to post this is he reading?

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/03/2014 02:04

blimey, she posted a poem on fb, she didnt book into a bloody hotel for the night with a "friend".

some of these responses are harsh.

some people genuinely treat all "friends" equally - men or women. i know i do.
this is not an open invitation to jump into my bed....

i dont believe the op meant that at all. she is guilty of a wee bit of superiority at worst! she wanted to share a poem that made her look all mysterious and clever....(sorry op...) it wasnt a coded message for shag me rigid....

she has been a bit daft. a bit over intimate with a pal on FB. thats all and it doesnt warrant such hostility imo.