Ok, I have name changed for reasons which I hope become apparent in a moment. But just to prove my MN credentials penis beaker, the horse squatters and naice ham.
Fiat I am sorry you are going through this, and you have already had excellent advice but I want to tell you a story.
Many years ago at UNI I met a friend, and we remained close for years. I was her MOH, godmother to her 3 kids, she was the person I called when my DH died etc. Best friends seperated by distance some times but 30seconds into a phone call it was like we back at our digs. We knew everything about each other. Well almost everything.
What I didnt know is that her husband was not a nice man. She hid it from me, he never hit her, never laid so much as a finger on her. But he had a terrible temper and a drinker although would never admitt he had a problem (sounds a little bit like your husband) he didnt ever do anything horrific whilst the kids were small and like you my friend loved her husband and so did her girls. My friend made excuse after excuse, he was tired, stressed, she bit him, he "lost control" and she suffered in silence for a reason I can only guess at. He never thought that his reactions where over the top or unreasonalble he never tried to excuse them as he was "justified" in what he did
When her oldest turned 11 she developed a pre teen stubbon streak. One day her husband "totally justifiably" sent to on that little girl, he was so far out of control that my friend a "big bubbly, strong, kick arse kind of women" tried to pull him off of his daughter, she faught hard, and for her effort got knock across the room and fell down the stairs. She was killed outright, the 4 year old girl hearing the screaming from her sister and mother and being frightened came out from her bed room, the 8 year old (god bless her) pulled her baby sister into the bathroom and locked the door and screamed for help. When the police got to them she was still screaming in total fear and fright.
I had to identify my friend, I sat for weeks next to the 11 year olds hospital bed as she faught for her life and recovered. Ive changed bedding when the 4 year old had bad nights, I dealt with night terrors, panic attacks, sleep regression, school phobia, seperation anxiety, SS, educational phsycs, phyciatrists, therapy, Ive driven those girls miles to appointments, to their mothers grave, to doctors, I had to sit through the trail and hear what he had done that night and every other time he was "justified" I still nurse those girls through life without their darling mum and through their private battles and injuries (in the case of the oldest) who still sufferes and will for life from things done to her by her "loving" father that ONE TIME:
I do not say this to frighten you, I am NOT saying this will happen to you I am saying this as the person trying to pick up the pieces, trying to mend scars, trying to repair lives. I have no idea what I am doing most of the time, but I know one thing in my gut, Those girls (who I love as my own, who I do my best to raise as my friend would have wanted and who I would give my life for without hesitation) and my friend (my wonderfull bubbly friend who was so amazing, loving, kind, sweet, thoughtfull and forgiving) they all deserved better and SO DO YOU.
If you want to give your DH 6 months, to shape up. Let him look for the courses, let him do all the work and Dont facilitate him, He needs to take responsibility at this point and it might be an idea if you considered something like relate for YOU, not jointly at the moment. Make sure let him do all the running, IF he doesnt make any effort or doesnt earn your TRUST again then you MAY NEED to make another decision.