I don't want to rip my family apart but I have to. He slapped our DD's face.

[FlatsInDagenham]

I will try to keep the story short. Last night DH slapped our 5yo DD's face because she was being obstinate, arguing and refusing to listen to him. Not hard enough to hurt much, but still, a slap on the face.

He has form for this kind of thing.

I have told him I want to separate.

He is devastated. I am devastated. When DD finds out, she will be devastated too. Our 2yo DD might not notice much but she loves her dad.

So that's 4 devastated people who want to be together but I am forcing us apart.

But I just cannot accept his treatment of our DD. If he had shown any regret or questioned his own actions at all, I might have been able to help him through it. But he stands by his actions "110%". Just like he stood by his actions the other times. I can't stand by him and let it happen again. I can't co-parent with a man who thinks that a 5yo can be "manipulative", has in the past described her as a "little bitch" and thinks it's ok to slap her face.

He's not a bad person (yes I know how that sounds but it's true). But sometimes he gets it so unbelievably wrong - parenting, I mean. He also has alcohol issues (though I must stress that he hadn't been drinking when this happened) that have plagued our marriage for more years than I care to remember. Many times I thought I'd end our relationship over the alcohol. But in the end it's something else that's tipped me over the edge. He slapped our DD's face. For arguing back. I can't come back from that.

Oh God, please tell me I haven't over reacted (he thinks I have). Please tell me if you think I'm splitting up our precious family unnecessarily.

delurking to say well done, Flats, that must have been immeasurably hard, but undoubtedly the best thing for your DC and you.

(((())))

Flats. You have done all a mother should ever do for her child. You have put her first.

If you need anything, there is always someone on line who will be able to listen.

How did you make him go?

How is your DD now?

Delurking to say well done, Flats!

Wishing you a peaceful and happy future. You're a great mother.

It must have been hard for you to do this Flats, wishing you all the best

Another well done. You have done 100% right thing keeping your cubs safe a Tigeress totally committed! Please be aware he will try and worm his way back in and things will slip again. Actions speak louder than words so see what he is doing to change, thats if he can?

Hi flats just wondering how you're doing?

Flats, I she been lurking and am sorry for what you are going through. You sound like a strong person and a great mother for doing the right thing. If your h knows your mn name, perhaps it's now time to change name and start a new support thread? Much love! X

• I have been - sorry for typos am on phone.

Well done Flats.

Hope you're OK.

Flats, brilliant. You've done the best thing for your darling children. Stay strong. Just to add what many other supportive posters have suggested, I hope you've reported the abuse that's gone on so far towards your children - this is very important, there must be a record, for future arrangements about access etc. You don't want your children put in danger at any time. I'd imagine that visits should be supervised - a man who can slap a tiny five year old across the face, and call her a 'bitch', is NOT someone I'd want left along with a child.