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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support for Spook

480 replies

Janstar · 15/03/2004 09:34

Continuing from the 'help' thread....

How are you today, Spook?

OP posts:
sykes · 03/04/2004 21:39

Spook - don't worry about TV and the boys - it doesn't matter. You will get to the stage where you want to do things but don't put any pressure on yourself, you're under too much already. I hated the fact that I was bad tempered, even resented them in some ways and I adore them. Your h will hit the point where he'll have to deal with what he's done to your boys - my h had some very upsetting episodes with my elder dd, it was horrible. My nanny was in the house with them not long ago and my elder dd asked him why he lived with his gf if he was still married to mummy.

spook · 03/04/2004 21:40

My 4 year old is going around telling people that his daddy is in love with someone else and that he will marry me when he's 8 because he loves me enough. Christ-I only hope he doesn't remember this.I know my 7 year old is deeply affected and will certainly remember the time when his daddy left.

spook · 03/04/2004 21:41

Going for a cigarette (it has been at least 30 seconds since my last one)

popsycal · 03/04/2004 21:44

Your 7 year old will be at school - but is your 4 year old yet?
16th jan seems realy latre to be going back after christmas.....

Fairyfly · 03/04/2004 21:47

I get that a lot spook, my son feels duty bound to marry me. He asks if he's supposed to sleep in my bed now. He asks why i haven't got a daddy anymore, but daddy has a mummy. It's upsetting but they are at that stage when they fall in love with you anyway, iyswim

sykes · 03/04/2004 21:56

I'm afraid I'm going to have to go to bed feel disgusting. Hope tonight isn't too bad Spook and I'll catch up soon. Night FF.

Fairyfly · 03/04/2004 21:57

Night sykes take care xx

Fairyfly · 03/04/2004 22:00

Long cigarette spook, are you ok

spook · 03/04/2004 22:01

Sorry everyone.My 7 year old is crying.Gotta go.XXX

Fairyfly · 03/04/2004 22:05

Night spook, take care

spook · 04/04/2004 08:33

Good morning everyone.Thanks for chatting last night.Saturday nights home alone can be pretty grim.Out of my study window I can see the bright lights of an Italian restaurant.Every night when I go in I gaze at them and think of all the people with normal lives out having fun and eating and drinking. Life's funny eh.
It turned into a long night last night.We chatted for over an hour on the phone.By the end of it he was floundering saying he didn't know what he wanted and I seriously believe that.After telling me that afternoon that it was over, why was he phoning me at 11 O Clock at night.
All I kept saying was how weak and lily-livered to give up on a 10 year marraige which had once been deliriously happy and to throw in the towel just like that. I am totally throwing myself at his mercy-no pride or bloody self-esteem.But he needs his head banging against a brick wall.He has got it so set in his thick head that if we tried again it would be exactly the same as before-he was obviously very unhappy for alot longer than the affair. That something had died inside him-ofcourse he still loved me but not in that way. How can he when he won't even try???
He's hardly seen her-but unfortunately he informed me that it's not for the want of his trying.She apparentley is the one that's staying away. All this brutal honesty-does it really do me any good.It's like "hey I can take it-this is small fry compared to the last 3 months" And it really does feel like that. There's not a great deal that can hurt me anymore.
Anyway-the crux of our conversation was-I just think it's really sad that it's over without a fight on his part.At least I can look back in a years time and hold my head up and say I did EVERYTHING humanly possible to save my marraige but it wasn't to be. He can never do that.
At least the sun is shining today.It's beautiful.We're going to the beach.It's the first time I've seen the sunshine for such a long time.Maybe it's signifies a new me! (I very much doubt that.By sunset I'll be a self-pitying wreck again )

popsycal · 04/04/2004 09:39

hi again spook - i thought of you this morning when the sun came beaming in our window too - hoped you would have got my email - but dont think that you have yet
are you around now?

spook · 04/04/2004 09:53

Hi popsycal-yes I am and no I haven't had your mail yet!

popsycal · 04/04/2004 10:08

hi again spook!
your kids are going to be off school for the next 2 weeks - what do you have planned?

beetroot · 04/04/2004 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

popsycal · 04/04/2004 10:12

that is a very good idea!!!
do it spook!

spook · 04/04/2004 10:16

Thanks Beetroot.Bits and bobs popsycal. On Monday we're going to a friends cottage by the sea for the night then we're going to stay with some friends in Yorkshire for a night.It sort of looms before you-as long as I can think of one thing every day we should be OK.
Buggar-we're going to the beach soon and the suns scarpered.

spook · 04/04/2004 10:19

Hi popsycal-have had your mail and just sent you one back. XX

popsycal · 04/04/2004 10:20

are you off to whitley bay?

spook · 04/04/2004 10:27

Yes! As soon as I can get them out of the house (ie when Dick and Doms finished!)

popsycal · 04/04/2004 10:28

have a lovely time down there! a bit windy but 'bracing'!!

I will check this thread out tonight - and hopefuly we may have got in touch by email then

Original poster
Janstar · 04/04/2004 11:58

Hi spook, just want to let you know I am still here for you, just haven't been on line since Friday tea time.

This is such a sad and confusing time for you and I want you to feel free to take me up on my invitation or to phone or email me any time. I did give you my phone number, didn't I?

By the way I have told my dh all about your situation and he often asks after you, he is here for you too and happy for you to visit.

Let's hope the sun will be around a bit more - it helps us all feel more positive. Have a lovely day at the beach with your two favourite men.

OP posts:
spook · 04/04/2004 18:36

Hi everyone-it was nice to hear from you Janstar.Today was a good day.We went to Woolies,bought some uneccesary plastic objects and then had a gorgeous time on the beach.Playing football with my mad dog and building sandcastles with my mad boys Then a party at St James Park which is always good for a laugh-bit of footballers action.Am on the prowl for a single one who likes kids.Have put my footballers wives friends on the case.
I got a text from him at 9 this morning saying he didn't want to hurt me and he doesn't remember bad things about our marraige...bollocks bollocks and he promises he will sit down after Easter and talk and help me to move forward.
We then had another chat-I can't even particularly remember what was said but that man doesn't know WHAT he wants.That much I know.
I am hopefully meeting Popsycal and Beccarollover next week.How kind are mumsnetters??

Original poster
Janstar · 04/04/2004 19:09

It's so good to hear that you had a good day. If today was good, so can tomorrow be.

OP posts:
Beccarollover · 05/04/2004 20:15

Hi Spook

How has today been?? What have you and the boys been up to - hope that its been another good day

Becca
xxx