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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

working late again apparently

90 replies

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 19:57

Every Friday night and every bloody night this week even though he's apparently exhausted. Too exhausted to have sex with me.

Told me he was leaving work at 6 would be home for 7. We have guests arriving... no sign

No phone call to say he's leaving work or text etc he used to text me to say was getting to his car

Nothing

All week

He does a professional job but II'm not stupid. They all leave early on a Friday. If he was working late he'd answer his phone or the text to tell me but just dropping off the radar and turning up when he feels like to and treating me like tree help is pissing me off so fucking much.

And I would put money on it that it's the woman in his office who they have had a few texts I've seen too close to the mark in the past which I've confronted him about

I'm fucking seething

What a fool.

OP posts:
Original poster
BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 19:57

Apparently I am stupid *the help

OP posts:
Offred · 14/03/2014 20:03

You're not stupid.

What are you going to do?

Original poster
BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 20:05

I'm going to kick him out.

I don't need proof.

It's one thing being a dick but it's not fair to expect to be able to treat the mother of your children like her feelings don't matter and Andre irrelevant. He will minimise everything and swear he was at work then stone wall

It's his MO.

Some thing he doesn't like talking and re bout STONE WALL.

emotions STONE WALL

I'm done

OP posts:
Original poster
BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 20:06

Andre irrelevant

Holy poo.

Are irrelevant ffs

OP posts:
Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 14/03/2014 20:06

Your not stupid.

He is taking the piss. What next? Are your guests there?

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 14/03/2014 20:10

Sorry x post.

Can you not phone work and double check ?

FabBakerGirl · 14/03/2014 20:13

Are your guests there now?

Original poster
BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 20:13

Guests arrived. They are good friends. I opened the door and said that he wasn't home and could they possibly go to the local pub for a drink so I could track him down and they've obliged

Lady friend was here today with kids and I poured my heart out about DP so she knows the situation and what's been going on. She instantly said it was fine and we can re arrange and wisked her dp away on the promise he could have the meal he's wanted at the pub and she would drive so he could drink..gave me a knowing smile and told me to call her later if I needed her.

She's text since saying she has a spare bed at hers if needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 20:14

Work phones turn off to answer message at 5.30

OP posts:
HectorVector · 14/03/2014 20:17

Your friends are very understanding but don't you go taking her up on the spare bed offer - your DH goes, not you.

Hope you're okay.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 14/03/2014 20:21

Are your DC in bed? No option of joining your friend's at the pub so you're not waiting?

I would pack his bag and leave it on the door step with a key in the back of the door so he can't get in.

Even if you've no proof he's playing away the trust has clearly gone.

I'm sorry x

Original poster
BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 20:24

Children in bed. Too small to leave.

OP posts:
Offred · 14/03/2014 20:31

Fuck this waiting game must be driving you insane.

You can feel the anger leaping off the page, will he leave if you tell him to do you think?

Original poster
BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 20:33

He'll fucking leave.

OP posts:
wiseoldowl · 14/03/2014 20:36

I am sorry to hear you are being treated this way OP.
Please try to stay calm,agree....pack bag with note to say he goes elsewhere to think things over.
HE has some answering to do,stone walling no longer acceptable.

LizCurly · 14/03/2014 20:39

wow. you are not stupid. You're cornered.

when he comes home, go out yourself, leave the children at home with him so he can't go out. check in to a hotel for 24 hours and have a long think, soak, drink, sleep.

WhooshFuckerFairy · 14/03/2014 20:41

Rip his balls off through his wallet and take the bastard to the cleaners ...... Keep string and run on adrenalin to get you through and then get some help . Sounds like you have a good friend . Good luck .

WhooshFuckerFairy · 14/03/2014 20:41

Strong .

FabBakerGirl · 14/03/2014 20:42

Pack some clothes and stick a note on the bag telling him to sleep elsewhere. Lock the door and turn off your phones.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 14/03/2014 20:46

Definitely pack his stuff and leave a note. Keep strong xxxxx (and you aren't stupid)

SnotandBothered · 14/03/2014 20:49

Do you have numbers for any of his workmates?

wiseoldowl · 14/03/2014 20:54

Keep calm.

Don't leave the house,he has to leave to go on the naughty step & you remain in the position of power.

Start to get your essential paperwork together. Hide your marriage certificate (if applicable)...you can divorce him for adultery.

scottishmummy · 14/03/2014 20:57

So ignore all the sassy kick im in clackers,take to cleanersit's arsey yo sista Shite
Get a plan. If he's co-owner or you're both tenants don't lock him out.too provocative
If you're going to divorce,you need a calm plan and clear head.are you married?are you named in mortgage?hows the finances managed

scottishmummy · 14/03/2014 21:06

Ok,I see you're saying dp in posts,in that case are you Joint owner of property?
Do you have own finances or is it joint account?
Do you work op?

wiseoldowl · 14/03/2014 21:20

Ahem,Scottish.....I was advocating staying calm.

Agree though,plan of action required.....not knee jerk anger.

Have you heard from him yet OP?