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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

working late again apparently

90 replies

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 19:57

Every Friday night and every bloody night this week even though he's apparently exhausted. Too exhausted to have sex with me.

Told me he was leaving work at 6 would be home for 7. We have guests arriving... no sign

No phone call to say he's leaving work or text etc he used to text me to say was getting to his car

Nothing

All week

He does a professional job but II'm not stupid. They all leave early on a Friday. If he was working late he'd answer his phone or the text to tell me but just dropping off the radar and turning up when he feels like to and treating me like tree help is pissing me off so fucking much.

And I would put money on it that it's the woman in his office who they have had a few texts I've seen too close to the mark in the past which I've confronted him about

I'm fucking seething

What a fool.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 14/03/2014 21:22

Ahem,I wasn't addressing you

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 21:25

He's back

He's completely "normal"

Tried calling me apparently. And yet I have no missed calls on either my mob or house phone. I've called him a liar and told him he's broken my trust. He seems unfazed.

OP posts:

wiseoldowl · 14/03/2014 21:31

So...?how does he account for no missed calls,how very passive aggressive.
Can you ask him to explain himself...or leave,because you have concerns about his behaviour?

sadwidow28 · 14/03/2014 21:32

Ask to see his mobile phone record to show you that he tried to contact you.

There will be no record there either - but he might get very protective of his phone!

Qix · 14/03/2014 21:32

Unfazed?! I am so cross on your behalf OP!!!

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 21:33

I'm going to wait til he's asleep and get his phone. It's a work encrypted blackberry and I know the pass code.

OP posts:

lavenderhoney · 14/03/2014 21:36

Has he tried to call you? Or is his phone going to vm?

It might be worth seeing what he has to say, just in case? he knew guests where coming so it seems bizarre he would do that to you?

Is it just this week he's been an arse or is it lots of things over time?

lavenderhoney · 14/03/2014 21:38

Ooh, sorry, missed your update.

He sounds rather pleased with himself:(

He's let you down, has he apologised at all? Offered to go to the pub and pay for your friends dinner, apologise to them and invite them back?

wiseoldowl · 14/03/2014 21:39

Sorry you are being treated this way OP....he is being an arse.

Can you copy any texts you might find? You might need them as proof......pound to a penny,he's already deleted!

This man is showing you no respect & has questions to answer. You need to talk.

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 21:40

It's lots of stuff over time.

Like his relationship with the woman at work. They were sending each other personal texts. She always put kisses on them. He shared personal info and photos of the children etc. Including one of him asleep in bed with our baby which I had taken and sent to him to cheer him up after a sleep deprived night. It's a gorgeous photo and it's tainted now.

I called him on it. He said he didn't see the problem in it. I think it's innapropriate to send photos of yourself asleep to a colleague.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 14/03/2014 21:42

Instead of faffing about with his phone,get a plan.you already know he didn't phone
You may find proof he's unfaithful,but I guess you have a hunch in that too?
If you're unmarried incriminating texts are neither here nor there legally.

It's a shame you've got to go through this,yes it's dreadful way he behaves

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 21:45

Scottish - we are not married no. as he stone walls and refuses to accept responsibility I have to find some thing concrete. Yes I have my hunch but I have to find some thing otherwise he won't accept it

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 14/03/2014 21:49

Ok,do you have a good pal who can support you?
What's the gain in looking for evidence of infidelity?
Do you work?hows your finances arranged

copafeel · 14/03/2014 21:51

Colleagues can be friends too, there is nothing inappropriate about sharing aphoto with a friend or a work colleague. Get a grip

mammadiggingdeep · 14/03/2014 21:51

Regardless of other woman he's taking the piss. If he's coming home late he should text or call.

My ex did this- drives you and and makes you feel like a bloody childminder.

He needs to respect you...only way to demand this is to make him leave.

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 21:55

Fuck off copa

How about texting her 10 min after the birth of our baby saying "all done all fine xxx"

Before we had even told our families !

OP posts:

AtSea1979 · 14/03/2014 21:56

I agree with other, you don't need evidence. He has to accept it, you will give him no choice. U pack, u change the locks and if poss u and DC go stay with someone for a few days and block him on your mobile.

Handywoman · 14/03/2014 21:57

OMG re the 10 min post birth text.... was the placenta even out?

To me this screams EA if not full blown affair.

scottishmummy · 14/03/2014 22:00

No.no changing locks if he is owner or co-owner.its provocative and illegal

VanitasVanitatum · 14/03/2014 22:00

The after birth text sounds like way overly close friends, doesn't necessarily suggest sex though?

Sounds inappropriate either way. If I were you I'd be taking steps to sort out finances etc. It doesn't sound like he us honest with you, kind to you, or respectful of you.

notapizzaeater · 14/03/2014 22:02

I left dh years ago after I suspected affair, I had no "proof" lots of little things but I hated the "me" I'd become and decided I wasn't letting no man make me feel that way. He did admit it later when he realised I was actually leaving.

It's a horrid place to be

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/03/2014 22:05

So inappropriate. Sorry you are going through this OP. What an asshole.

Viviennemary · 14/03/2014 22:09

First you should findd out if he is being unfaithful. I would do a bit of detective work myself. I would need to know for my sanity. I think if you can rule out that he is being unfaithful then you can tackle this thoughtless and selfish behaviour of not letting you know he is working late. Knowledge is power.

saffronwblue · 14/03/2014 22:11

You don't need proof or evidence to tell him that you are not happy with the relationship.

scottishmummy · 14/03/2014 22:13

If yku want to definitely know if he unfaithful,I suppose yes look at phone
But tbh,your hunch and his unusual texts,well doesn't bode well
On practical level,you need to think of finances,accommodation if you split up

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