Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

working late again apparently

90 replies

BitsinTatters · 14/03/2014 19:57

Every Friday night and every bloody night this week even though he's apparently exhausted. Too exhausted to have sex with me.

Told me he was leaving work at 6 would be home for 7. We have guests arriving... no sign

No phone call to say he's leaving work or text etc he used to text me to say was getting to his car

Nothing

All week

He does a professional job but II'm not stupid. They all leave early on a Friday. If he was working late he'd answer his phone or the text to tell me but just dropping off the radar and turning up when he feels like to and treating me like tree help is pissing me off so fucking much.

And I would put money on it that it's the woman in his office who they have had a few texts I've seen too close to the mark in the past which I've confronted him about

I'm fucking seething

What a fool.

OP posts:

wiseoldowl · 15/03/2014 07:39

So Bits,
I hope you are feeling strong today.

You havent said what your housing/financial set up is but IMHO I think he needs to be made to leave...or you leave.

The 10 mins text thing is just so disrespectful.

Today,you have decisions to make. You sound strong and I think this is the culmination of what you have been suspecting for a while.
Whatever you decide Bits,it will be hard but you are worth more than this!!

I have been there,tearful,didn't want to be on my own but you find an inner strength from somewhere...& you can do it for your DC.

Be brave [hugs]

RedFocus · 15/03/2014 07:51

Jeez op I think you have all the evidence you need to kick him out. So sorry

Joysmum · 15/03/2014 08:31

I'd be telling him this morning that now I've had time to think rationally, I've not found any missed calls or messages from him so please could he show me his log to show my phone is acting up and then we can go and buy me a new one to avoid this happening again.

Clearly he won't be able to, at which point your very clearly able to tell him the reason for splitting up is his lack of respect for your needs and his lying.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 15/03/2014 09:40

Pack his bags.

scottishmummy · 15/03/2014 11:05

If he home owner,he doesn't have to go.that's the reality,as opposed to the mn yo sista
instead of all the kick Him to kerb.you need to get a plan
How's your finances organised,do you have own money?

Original poster

BitsinTatters · 15/03/2014 11:21

Home is owned by my family.

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2014 11:31

You own your home then. Get the lying cheat out.
I'm sorry this is happening to you OP, but the bit about the phone call after your birth would have done it for me.
Why would you want to tell a work colleague before family. You may want to tell your bit on the side.
He sounds awful. for you OP.

Offred · 15/03/2014 11:39

Scottish is right that you need to focus on a long term plan and try to be as objective about it as possible. You should take some advice about the long term but I would think it would be reasonable and appropriate to ask him to leave for at least the short term whilst you consider your feelings and options and recover some composure.

Amicus1966 · 15/03/2014 11:53

TBH I don't think she is the OW. I mean, seriously, why would you send a message to your lover informing them that your partner had just given birth to YOUR baby?
And as the OW would you really want to receive that text knowing that nine months ago your lover had had sex with the mother of their newborn baby?
No two people could be that crass surely.

Ploppy16 · 15/03/2014 12:02

Any potential other woman is a red herring, concentrate on your own feelings first. You are unhappy and feel like the housekeeper I bet (been there, done that, ironed the damn t-shirt...) and that is what counts right now. He sees no issue with the current arrangement, why would he when you're always at home doing the responsible stuff and he can do whatever he feels like and roll home on a whim?
Now I'm not saying this is the way to go for everyone but I had a stinking great paddy about it to my DH when the penny dropped for me and it worked, if he's socialising after work (entertaining clients is part of his job) he lets me know. In fact we have diary meetings now so I know where he's likely to be on what days. He also now pulls his weight firmly round the house and with the children.
However you sound like you're beyond the point of even screaming at him so personally I would look at getting him out for a few days in the short term with a view to separating if this is what you want to do.
Stay strong and focused and avoid booting him in the balls, this rarely works to your advantage.

wannabestressfree · 15/03/2014 12:11

If it were me personally I would ask him for a few days space so you can talk and work out exactly what has been going on. This isn't going to do you any good. Things need to be resolved.

wannabestressfree · 15/03/2014 12:13

Is second everything ploppy has put.....

FabBakerGirl · 15/03/2014 13:14

It doesn't matter if he won't accept it. You don't need his permission to finish things.

If the house belongs to your parents, and you aren't married then surely he has no claim on it.

I had a friend who gave birth to her second child with her husband and he left her to join his lover who was waiting in the car park within an hour of the baby being born. He had been seeing her for at least the previous year.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 16/03/2014 11:31

How are you OP?

lesbican · 17/03/2014 13:58

Any update OP?

Flip

1 2 3 4