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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL sabotage comes to a head...

469 replies

ewrocks · 10/03/2014 14:06

Hi there - I was wondering if anyone on mumsnet could give me some advice? Myself, my DH and our three children are currently living with my MIL at the moment and have been since October, when my DH was made redundant and we had to give up our rental flat as we could no longer afford to pay the rent. It was decided between MIL and DH that we would come and live with her for a couple of years, whilst we look for work and then, once we have jobs, save for a deposit so that we can buy a house this time. A very kind offer; I had my reservations but because I've always gotten on with MIL (or so I thought), we couldn't really turn it down unless we were to go on benefits instead, which neither of us wanted to do.

So we moved in. It's a bit cramped: MIL has the front double bedroom to herself, DS's (aged 5 and 3) are on bunkbeds in the box room and me, DH and our 1 year old DD are in the back double room. There is only one small bathroom. But however uncomfortable, I am massively grateful for this opportunity. Our kids are very good (we are bloody lucky) and don't cause much fuss. MIL loves them.

DH was out of work until last month, which was very difficult but is now doing well in an even better paid job, thank God. I am a SAHM, as my youngest two kids aren't at school yet but I am currently looking for part time evening/weekend work to boost our income. No joy yet. We have no savings left, as they went on paying our last month of rent and we also gave the rest to MIL for keep. But DH is now earning again and is starting to put some away. I do the vast majority of housework during the day and we all take turns to do the cooking, as it is a hobby of all of ours. I still do the lion's share, I would say.

I always got on with MIL and I thought she liked me but lately she has been doing and saying things that seem like sabotage and indicate that she actually, secretly hates my guts! At first it was little snide comments about my weight, or lack of ambition (she works, I haven't since our second was born). There have been a few goldigger-esq comments as well.
I let these go, as I thought me living in her home her must be grating on her nerves a bit.

But then she started playing games with food. For example, on her nights to cook, she serves everyone else's dishes up first and then leaves mine in the pot/oven and tells me to help myself. She barely leaves half a portion! I'm not kidding when I say on some nights, I'm eating the same amount of dinner as our 1 year old! She'll serve up the DC's and put DH's on a plate in the microwave (as some evenings, he doesn't get back until just after dinner time). On the evenings when I cook, she makes faces and pushes her food around her plate before eating maybe one mouthful and then "fake heaving" and spiting it out in the sink. She'll give the rest of the dinner to her dog and make herself a sandwich or a ready meal. Okay so she might not like my cooking, but it can't be that bad EVERY TIME! She doesn't do this if DH is there for dinner though. If he cooks, he gets heaps of praise for his culinary skills! Hmm

She has repeatedly put peanuts in my eldest's packed lunch despite knowing it is not allowed at his school, due to other children's allergies (I have been pulled up 3 times for this). I also think she is rooting through my stuff when I'm not there (no proof, just a hunch as everything seems misplaced). A pair of my shoes have gone missing, as has a cardigan and a bra. I also found my pillow in the dog's basket one evening. She claimed that the dog must have pulled it downstairs and put it in there herself. (The dog is a westie and pretty small). Hmm

She is also doing this weird thing to my wing mirror every morning: basically, we're living on a very busy road and we have to park our cars on the roadside. You have to pull in your wing mirrors after you've parked up, or there's a very good chance that a car or bus will knock it off. I always wake up to take my son to school and find that my wing mirror has been pulled out again, despite KNOWING that I pulled it in the previous day. So about a week ago, I watched out the window as she left for work (she leaves before me and the kids and DH leaves before all of us) and I SAW her doing it. I caught her doing it the day after and also this morning as well. It is definitely her and it is definitely deliberate. I think she is hoping it will get knocked off? (So far it hasn't, thank goodness).

But worst of all, this morning I went to brush my teeth and the stench of PISS coming off my toothbrush (before I used it, I hasten to add) was absolutely putrid - even when I'd already put the toothpaste on. I just know that she's rubbed it in the toilet after she's used it (or even urinated on it like a pregnancy test - who knows)?! I have no proof of this one, but honestly, it's got to be her with all the other stuff hasn't it? This is beyond a joke - how can anyone be so disgusting and spiteful? I've never been anything but nice to her and she's really freaking me out now. She clearly hates me but why not just be honest about it? DH will never believe half this stuff is going on (although I filmed her doing the wing mirror on my phone this morning and I have saved the toothbrush to show him). But he generally thinks the sun shines out of her arse. And I have nowhere else to go. What the hell am I gonna do here?! Sad

OP posts:
MrsKermittSmith · 30/03/2014 18:40

Hope all is well OP.

Deathwatchbeetle · 30/03/2014 19:30

It was on another post, someone brought it up. Very often they will post something then it all goes quiet. I apologise if it isn't but knowing there had been a lot of traffic on this post, seems funny to have gone quiet all of a sudden. I appreciate they may be very busy but still.

BuddyButters · 30/03/2014 20:33

I'd be very surprised if it's all real.

I can't think of any reason why the OP wouldn't have updated by now unless they'd just got bored/run out of ideas.

Deathwatchbeetle · 30/03/2014 20:54

My thoughts exactly Buddy!

I feel rather cross as I did think for a long time it was genuine. Ah well.

Jellylove · 30/03/2014 21:42

Wow Shock
I've just read the whole thread, totally freaky.
I hope OP your out of that awful situation, you're ok and that you've just not posted due to lack of internet or something like that.
Stay safe out there!

TheCunnyFuntIsGettingMarried · 30/03/2014 22:00

Just read fhis, hope it's not a troll :(

weesazz · 31/03/2014 00:36

Surely this isn't trolling? Although I'm no expert.

If OP is genuine (which I have no reason to doubt) I hope everything is ok.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 01/04/2014 02:54

Nobody is owed an update.

Hidethechocolates · 01/04/2014 03:02

She pissed on the toothbrush? Of course she did. Hmm

IAmNotAMindReader · 01/04/2014 10:12

If the shit's hit the fan over this (let's face it it was going to), moving and getting utilities sorted, then updating this thread is going to be the last thing on the OP's mind. She may not even remember starting it. Moving is a whirlwind of stress as it is without a potential relationship breakdown with the MIL as well.

ILoveWooly · 01/04/2014 10:49

Hope you are all settled into your new home.

GeekLove · 01/04/2014 12:09

I don't care if it is a troll thread - sometimes there can be useful infomation. However I can understand the anger if it is on a particuarly sensitive or triggering topic as it could be seen as a type of voyerism.

struggling100 · 01/04/2014 14:11

I don't get the use of the word 'troll' on this site. Elsewhere on the net it seems to be used to mean someone who deliberately abuses, flames or pushes buttons for the sake of getting a rise out of people. Here it seems to cover any kind of situation where something might not be quite what it seems. Which is just about EVERYTHING online.

I can see no reason whatsoever for calling the OP a troll. She seemed totally legit.

Jux · 01/04/2014 16:05

Why should the op update? Not everyone visits MN regularly. People lurk, post once or twice for advice or to comment and plenty of people barely use the internet. I would have thought the op has enough on her plate in rl without worrying about a bunch of people she doesn't know on a site she isn't doesn't use much.

Dutch1e · 03/04/2014 00:45

Marking place in hopes of a showdown update

Staryy · 04/04/2014 20:03

Hope OP is ok :)

hickorychicken · 04/04/2014 20:26

Op hope you're sorted Thanks

jdd · 04/04/2014 20:33

I don't think you can assume someone is a troll just because they stopped updating. Some people dip in and out of forums. She doesn't owe us an update. She wanted our opinions, the situation has moved on, she hasn't thought to come back. I often start threads, read one or two replies and then forget about them when life gets in the way.

Littlebluesock · 09/04/2014 02:38

Hope everything has gone okay OP!

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