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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL sabotage comes to a head...

469 replies

ewrocks · 10/03/2014 14:06

Hi there - I was wondering if anyone on mumsnet could give me some advice? Myself, my DH and our three children are currently living with my MIL at the moment and have been since October, when my DH was made redundant and we had to give up our rental flat as we could no longer afford to pay the rent. It was decided between MIL and DH that we would come and live with her for a couple of years, whilst we look for work and then, once we have jobs, save for a deposit so that we can buy a house this time. A very kind offer; I had my reservations but because I've always gotten on with MIL (or so I thought), we couldn't really turn it down unless we were to go on benefits instead, which neither of us wanted to do.

So we moved in. It's a bit cramped: MIL has the front double bedroom to herself, DS's (aged 5 and 3) are on bunkbeds in the box room and me, DH and our 1 year old DD are in the back double room. There is only one small bathroom. But however uncomfortable, I am massively grateful for this opportunity. Our kids are very good (we are bloody lucky) and don't cause much fuss. MIL loves them.

DH was out of work until last month, which was very difficult but is now doing well in an even better paid job, thank God. I am a SAHM, as my youngest two kids aren't at school yet but I am currently looking for part time evening/weekend work to boost our income. No joy yet. We have no savings left, as they went on paying our last month of rent and we also gave the rest to MIL for keep. But DH is now earning again and is starting to put some away. I do the vast majority of housework during the day and we all take turns to do the cooking, as it is a hobby of all of ours. I still do the lion's share, I would say.

I always got on with MIL and I thought she liked me but lately she has been doing and saying things that seem like sabotage and indicate that she actually, secretly hates my guts! At first it was little snide comments about my weight, or lack of ambition (she works, I haven't since our second was born). There have been a few goldigger-esq comments as well.
I let these go, as I thought me living in her home her must be grating on her nerves a bit.

But then she started playing games with food. For example, on her nights to cook, she serves everyone else's dishes up first and then leaves mine in the pot/oven and tells me to help myself. She barely leaves half a portion! I'm not kidding when I say on some nights, I'm eating the same amount of dinner as our 1 year old! She'll serve up the DC's and put DH's on a plate in the microwave (as some evenings, he doesn't get back until just after dinner time). On the evenings when I cook, she makes faces and pushes her food around her plate before eating maybe one mouthful and then "fake heaving" and spiting it out in the sink. She'll give the rest of the dinner to her dog and make herself a sandwich or a ready meal. Okay so she might not like my cooking, but it can't be that bad EVERY TIME! She doesn't do this if DH is there for dinner though. If he cooks, he gets heaps of praise for his culinary skills! Hmm

She has repeatedly put peanuts in my eldest's packed lunch despite knowing it is not allowed at his school, due to other children's allergies (I have been pulled up 3 times for this). I also think she is rooting through my stuff when I'm not there (no proof, just a hunch as everything seems misplaced). A pair of my shoes have gone missing, as has a cardigan and a bra. I also found my pillow in the dog's basket one evening. She claimed that the dog must have pulled it downstairs and put it in there herself. (The dog is a westie and pretty small). Hmm

She is also doing this weird thing to my wing mirror every morning: basically, we're living on a very busy road and we have to park our cars on the roadside. You have to pull in your wing mirrors after you've parked up, or there's a very good chance that a car or bus will knock it off. I always wake up to take my son to school and find that my wing mirror has been pulled out again, despite KNOWING that I pulled it in the previous day. So about a week ago, I watched out the window as she left for work (she leaves before me and the kids and DH leaves before all of us) and I SAW her doing it. I caught her doing it the day after and also this morning as well. It is definitely her and it is definitely deliberate. I think she is hoping it will get knocked off? (So far it hasn't, thank goodness).

But worst of all, this morning I went to brush my teeth and the stench of PISS coming off my toothbrush (before I used it, I hasten to add) was absolutely putrid - even when I'd already put the toothpaste on. I just know that she's rubbed it in the toilet after she's used it (or even urinated on it like a pregnancy test - who knows)?! I have no proof of this one, but honestly, it's got to be her with all the other stuff hasn't it? This is beyond a joke - how can anyone be so disgusting and spiteful? I've never been anything but nice to her and she's really freaking me out now. She clearly hates me but why not just be honest about it? DH will never believe half this stuff is going on (although I filmed her doing the wing mirror on my phone this morning and I have saved the toothbrush to show him). But he generally thinks the sun shines out of her arse. And I have nowhere else to go. What the hell am I gonna do here?! Sad

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 16/03/2014 09:01
Shock
MrsKermittSmith · 16/03/2014 10:58

Your poor husband, he is lucky he has you, and you that you have him. Super good luck for moving asap. Your sister also sounds fab!

I would also warn your lovely husband to be prepared for major emotional blackmail, tears, and most of all lies when MIL finds out. Its not going to be easy :(

onedev · 16/03/2014 13:34

Oh my goodness - just saw this thread, absolutely crazy! Hope you find somewhere to live ASAP. Glad you & your DH are so close & strong as a couple as otherwise she might have managed to split you up as the stuff she's been doing is so unhinged that he might have struggled to believe you. Well done & stay strong.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 16/03/2014 14:05

Hope you can arrange a new place to live quickly. Good luck.

FabBakerGirl · 16/03/2014 14:12

I hope you are okay, OP.

ItStillLooksLikeRainDear · 16/03/2014 15:05

Delurlking to say hope all is well & hoping you have moved out by now.

fukkigucci · 18/03/2014 02:31

How's it going OP? Thinking of you

Whereisegg · 18/03/2014 14:44

I'm thinking of you too op, bit worried if I'm honest.
Hope all is well (or as well as it can be) Smile

SybilRamkin · 18/03/2014 14:57

I've been lurking, but delurking now to wish you well shot of this madwoman - please come back and let us know you're still in one piece and have escaped!

unobtanium · 18/03/2014 15:05

Hi OP, been thinking about you and hoping you have already moved or at the very least have found somewhere and are about to leave

KellyElly · 18/03/2014 15:07

I am reading this thread with my mouth hanging open. You MIL is like an evil character from a story. Thank god you're getting out of there. You must update on her reaction as I'm actually quite worried for you. She sounds psychopathic!

middlethird · 18/03/2014 15:19

looking forward to a positive update from you OP...

fuzzpig · 18/03/2014 15:41
Shock
NotYouNaanBread · 18/03/2014 15:50

Good luck in the move - I'm so impressed that you managed to bring all this together so quickly and that your DH has been so unquestioningly supportive. Go him!

LearnerM0ther · 18/03/2014 16:14

Jesus, OP! I lived with my MIL for too long - it was no picnic and the criticism, hiding / moving stuff sounds familiar. But the toothbrush and telling your son you're a whore who needs a slap?? Oh. My. Dear. God.
I really hope you get that house. Fingers crossed.
I cannot wait to hear what she has to say for herself.. Please let us know how this pans out! She surely won't poopoo (sorry) the video footage!! Your H sounds a good one, poor sod must have a headfull.
I pinch myself every day that me and MIL get on well now. She is my biggest helper. Her stuff was just petty 'not good enough for my PFBS' attitude (in fact, her only, like your MIL. Husband left for AW.. Hm), moving / losing stuff, comments 'you never make an effort - no make up, jeans every day' etc. Came to a head, we moved out and I pure despised her for a while. But now we've had some distance for some years, we can get on for the sake of OH and DS. She's actually been an amazing help. Colour me stunned!
However, if she'd gone as far as to piss on my toothbrush and call me a whore.. No no no. She's beyond bitter, that's evil.
Feel so sorry for your OH, he must be gutted and thoroughly ashamed of his mother. Please keep us informed (who knows, if we hadn't moved when we did I could be in your shoes!)
I'm curious what you're gonna tell the kids if you go down the NC route. I wouldn't trust her with them, tbh.. All the best to you 5, hope it's a happy life hereonin. Xx

dawntigga · 18/03/2014 16:34

Holy crap on a cracker, v pleased you are getting out op.

Am also glad your dh is supporting you, as he should Grin

Have just told The Cub (nearly 5) whoever he chooses to share his life with will be just fine in my eyes.
ThreadsLikeThisTellMeHowToBeAGoodMiLTiggaxx

CookieDoughKid · 18/03/2014 17:35

Thinking of you op. Hope the move is working out!!

really1234 · 18/03/2014 22:48

How's it going OP? Hope all is ok.

dustarr73 · 19/03/2014 10:05

Hope all is ok op.I have been reading your thread and you and your hubby sound amazing.Hopefully by the time you read this you are settled into somewhere new.Good luck in your new home Wine you will need it.FlowersFlowers

sykadelic · 19/03/2014 17:57

Marking place. Any news on the move? Hope you're okay OP.

Cheby · 19/03/2014 18:11

Another one delurking to wish you well OP, hope you've escaped.

BewitchedBefuzzledBewildered · 19/03/2014 22:25

I do hope this isn't one of those threads where the OP vanishes into thin air

GatoradeMeBitch · 19/03/2014 22:32

How awful for you OP. It might be an idea to keep your personal belongings in the boot of your car until you leave, as much as a faff that would be.

Do you think she had any suspicions? She may have noticed the piss-christened toothbrush left the house with you the other day.

corduroyslacks · 19/03/2014 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Innermagic · 19/03/2014 23:49

Hope your ok op not heard from you in a while.